Name: Please Don't Go (3/3)
Rating: PG-13
Length: 5000
Summary: Haley Rachel Berry-Fabray has lived her whole life with her mother's at her side.
A/N: This might be a little jarring - this chapter changes POV and takes us through the rest of the story. But I thought it was very very important, and I honestly always knew it would work out this way, so I hope you at least agree with what happens. I really think this is a return to Love Story form. Also, don't scroll down just to see the comments, that'd be really loser-ish. Thank you to everyone who patiently waited for this!
[
one ] [
two ]
Haley Rachel Fabray-Berry was born as Haley Rachel Fabray. Puckerman hadn't been added - it wasn't a slight to her father in any way. The first person she ever saw was supposedly her doctor. And the second was her momma, Rachel Berry.
From what her momma had told her over the years, in a deeply sentimental tone that most of the time had made Haley want to squirm uncomfortably, Rachel had loved her instantly, loved her from the dirty blonde hair on the top of her head to the hazel eyes that she had inherited from her parents' matching set to the tips of her toes. She hadn't been Rachel's daughter then, and Rachel hadn't been momma at that point. Just Rachel.
But Haley remembers some things about her life. She remembers being three and having momma pick her up and bounce her in her arms with a bright shining smile that never faded. She remembers home videos converted from VHS to DVD to Blu-ray to Platinum Disc by her grandfathers of Rachel rolling around on the floor with Haley and Haley's mom, Quinn giggling in the background.
All Haley Fabray has ever known - every moment of her life she has lived - she has lived it with both of her mothers at her side.
//
The first time she ever saw her momma cry was when she was five. She had just been sitting in her room, playing around with some toys as she vaguely heard shouting that gave her in an uneasy feeling right in the center of her chest - it hurt a little, and so she got up to go tell her mom, who always seemed to know what to do when she hurt - but when she tugged open her door, she was greeted with the sight of momma sitting on the couch and mom slamming the door shut with a loud noise that hurt Haley's ears.
Her chest hurt just a little more and so she rubbed at it with her painted nails, trudging forward and stopping at the end of the couch, observing the room around her. She wasn't afraid to be without her mom - momma always took good care of her when mom was gone, and let her have ants on a log with extra ants - but her chest hurt and looking at the two funny shaped glasses on the table filled with something red to the open folder full of papers and the stack of books next to it to her momma, who was slouched over and her shoulders were shaking only made it hurt more.
So she rubbed at her chest more and stepped closer, reaching out to punch her tiny little fist lightly into momma's knee. Momma's head shot up and she looked at Haley with shiny brown eyes, before she smiled as widely as she could and held out her hand for Haley to take. Haley let herself be pulled closer to her momma, and smiled up at her when she was wrapped in her momma's arms, standing directly between her knees.
"Hi baby," her momma whispered, settling her head against Haley's and running her bigger hands over Haley's shoulders and down her arms and back up again. "Are you okay?" she asked, and Haley nodded, reaching up her hand to grab one of momma's - the one with no rings on it.
"Which one is this?" she asks, pulling it down so it rests in her small hands between them. She slides her fingers all up and around the big hand, from the short but shiny nails to the bracelet wrapped around her momma's wrist. At kindergarten, they had just started learning rights and lefts - she was okay with herself, but on other people she always had to ask.
"Left," her momma whispered, and Haley watched quietly as wet little droplets - like rain, but tears instead - hit their twisted up hands.
"Momma," she whispered back, wrapping her fist around her momma's thumb and squeezing, feeling the little pounding thing right on the pad of it. Her mom called it a heartbeat.
"Yes, Haley?"
"It'll be okay," she whispers, keeping her mom's thumb in her hand but bringing her other one up so she can feel for her own heartbeat on her other thumb. She tried to figure out if they were synced up - beating at the same time. But she wasn't so distracted that she didn't hear her momma give a loud sniffle. "Aunt Brittany always says it'll be okay, even if it isn't. So don't cry."
She finally determined that their heartbeats were thumping along at the same beat when she felt her momma pull back and press a kiss to her forehead before momma's arm pulled her closer, crushing their hands between them as Haley's head landed on Momma's chest. She could hear the heartbeat thump thump thumping along.
She pressed down harder on her own thumb - and yep, they definitely matched.
//
The first time she sees her mom cry is a week later, exactly. They're in a hotel room, where mom has been staying for the past few days - which is weird and strange for Haley because when she has a bad dream she likes to crawl into her moms' bed and snuggle up between them, with her head on mom's shoulder and momma's soothing hand running up and down her back, and last night she had only been met with momma. Haley comes out of the bathroom, which she can proudly say she has been using for almost two years now, and her mom is sitting in the chair at the desk, rubbing her forehead and crying.
She doesn't seem to notice Haley walking out or the flush of the toilet - she only bounces the cell phone in her hand on the table in front of her, spinning it around in her white fingers, rubbing her head with the other. So Haley bounces up to the lone bed in the hotel room - she's sleeping here tonight, and so she's wearing her duckie pajamas - and climbs on, crawling to the side that's next to the desk.
She tucks her legs up under her and she sits, watching her mom totally entranced with her phone, spinning it around and sliding through photos and pictures on it and just - crying. She finally realizes her mom isn't going to notice her and so she knocks on the solid metal of the desk and pulls herself up so that her arms are leaning on the desk and her legs are on the bed. She can see the pictures her mom is looking at - they're all of momma, or of Haley. But mostly momma - and Haley's chest hurts again.
Her mom drops her phone quickly, spinning the chair and looking at Haley, who pushes backwards and sits on her heels, cowed at the look in her mom's eyes. She's not angry - Haley knows angry and her mom isn't angry - but her eyes are red and her face looks tighter and sharper. Haley watches her mom's hand dart out and grab the phone again, pulling it to her body, and then she looks back to Haley in silence.
"You should call momma," Haley whispers, and she knows it was the right thing to say when her mom sits up a little and starts fiddling with the phone again, rubbing her fingers over the surface.
"Why?" her mom asks, then looks up at Haley with a strange look before she looks away again. "You don't - you don't have to answer that, baby. I don't think you can answer."
"She's sad," Haley says, disregarding her mother's words because talking about momma doesn't make mom seem so sad, in some way. "You make her happy. And you're sad. And she makes you happy."
Her mom just blinks at her, her fingers pausing on the surface of the phone, before her fingers set her phone on the desk and splay out into the air along with her arms, and Haley scrambles forward into her mom's lap, thumping her head against her heartbeat, and she listens as her mom picks up the phone again and breathes once, twice, three times and then picks out momma's picture and presses the green phone button.
She listens to her mom cry and whimper, "I love you too," over and over, rubbing her small hands over her mom's one and feels the steady thump thump thump.
And she realizes that all their heartbeats must match, because Haley's matches mom's too.
//
When she is eight, a boy pushes her down on the playground and calls her a strange name that she's never heard before. Dyke, is what he yells, and although she get the feeling that not many of the other kids understand it, they yell with him and laugh meanly down at her.
She stands up, brushing gravel off her argyle patterned sweater, and rubs at her now sore knee through the rough denim of her jeans, and she straightens with a silent and strong air that momma wears on stage, or when mom comes home from work and stares down at the kitchen table and quietly whispers to momma that she lost one today.
The boy silences quickly as Haley stares at him, with no mean glint in her eye.
"What," she asks, as everyone falls silent, "does that mean?"
Haley cocks her head to the side as the boy splutters, before he points once more at her. "That's what my daddy says your moms are!"
Haley frowns unhappily.
"But what does it mean?" she asks, staring him down. By now, everyone else has dissipated, sprinting off towards the swings with velocity and yelling for dibs. It's only her and the boy. She thinks he might be in her grade - he looks her size. HIs hair is wild and sticks up all over the place, not short enough that it's regular and buzzed, like her daddy's, but not long enough that it can be styled, like her Uncle Finn's. HIs shoes are black - but they light up when he stomps his foot and draws Haley's eyes back to her face.
"I don't know," he says, staring back at her with bright green eyes. They look like the color of the grass. "I don't know," he repeats, scuffing his light-up shoes along the gravel.
"Okay," Haley says, a rush of affection coming through her for the boy; he was obviously upset and her momma had taught her to be nice to people who were upset. "What's your name?"
The boy glances up from the ground, his eyes locking onto her before he slowly smiles.
"Teddy."
//
Her momma wins a Tony when Haley is ten. Teddy buzzes around the apartment with excitement as his step-dad watches in amusement, and Haley shushes both of them as the winner is announced on the large screen that takes up a large chunk of wall in the Berry-Fabray living room. She watches as the announcer's lips move to form the name Rachel Berry into the microphone, and then she watches as her mother reacts in her own little box, as momma turns to mom and swarms her, pressing a heavy and too-long kiss to her lips before she's speed-walking up to the stage and taking a small spinny disk award from the presenter.
It's a Tony, Haley knows (because she's ten, and she's smart) and momma has a few other awards up on the mantle in her moms' bedroom that are small and shiny or clear. Haley got to hold the last award, one that she didn't get to see presented - a Drama Desk award. Teddy bounces down into the seat next to her and thumps her on the back, laughing in some sort of congratulations as momma opens her mouth to speak.
"This award has been my dream since I was barely old enough to speak," she starts, pausing as the enormous crowd in the theater lets out a low laugh. "And I'm so happy to achieve it on this show that I'm so proud of and with this character, who is such a joy to make new every night."
Her momma looks down at the spinny little medallion on the award and shifts the way she's holding it, taking a deep breath and looking back up to face the crowd, her eyes shiny and darker in color.
"I wouldn't have made it onto this stage without my dads - MIchael and Aaron, who let me be whoever I wanted to be and taught me how to live in this world with kindness and generosity and honesty. My friends from back home who are now all over the place - Brittany, Santana, Finn, Noah, everyone - you made receiving ice cold beverages in the face so much better after I found you."
The crowd laughs a little again, and Teddy nudges Haley and whispers, "She looks really pretty," and Haley feels a surge of pride for her momma and affection for Teddy.
"But...ah," momma starts again, her voice cracking along the words before she shifts into the voice she uses whenever she's crying, and Haley watches in silence as a few tears track down her momma's face. "I don't think I could've ever made it on this stage without the love of my life, Quinn, who deserves every praise for putting up with my crazy for ten years now."
The camera shifts out to the audience and focuses in on mom, saving a split screen for momma so Haley can see both of them at once. Momma's eyes are trained in on mom and vice versa - both of them are crying.
"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me and ever will - I don't know where or who I would be if we hadn't fallen in love. But I know I wouldn't be as happy as you've made me."
Momma draws a shaking breath and glances once more down at the award in her hand, before she looks up directly at the camera, and mom's split screen drops away as she reaches up to wipe at the tears on her face.
"Finally...Haley, baby, I love you so much, and this award is yours - but it's bed time. Go to sleep."
Haley smiles happily, as Teddy nudges her again, exclaiming that her name's just been said on TV, but all she can hear is the ringing noise of the crowd clapping excitedly for her momma in her ears.
//
Alex is born when she is 15, a month after her own birthday. He's tiny, so tiny, and she shuffles around in the waiting around as Teddy plays a game of poker with Uncle Finn and Daddy, and Aunt Brittany and Aunt Santana keep trying to trip her as she walks in front of them. It's annoying, but it's distracting her from thinking about how long she's been stuck here. Haley and Sam are sprawled out into two chairs, talking quietly. Her grandpas are standing at the vending machine in the room, debating over what to get, when her mom comes rushing in, her hair mussed and dressed in a blue gown with gloves and her glasses perched on her nose.
There's no baby in her arms, and Haley feels all the air leave her lungs at the myriad of things that could mean before her mom smiles widely, her eyes shining, gesturing at Haley without words, waving her out into the hallway and down to her momma's room.
There's a doctor standing at momma's bedside, and perched in momma's arms is her baby brother, whose eyes are dark brown and whose hair is sprouting in tufts up from his somewhat misshapen head (Haley had expected that, but it was still rather jarring). Haley stops at the foot of the bed, her eyes completely stuck on the little body that mom was lifting gently from momma's arms and moving towards her with.
She accepts the boy's weight in her arms with a careful tensing of her body, unnaturally terrified of some freak accident causing her to drop him. He blinks up at her before yawning, his little mouth stretching as wide as it can go, and Haley can't help but smile, because god he's so cute. He's adorable, and he's her brother and she already feels this deep need to protect him and beat up anyone who comes near him.
She looks up from her brother after he snuggles closer to her, his head turning to the side and pressing further into the arm supporting him, and she catches a quick moment between her mothers.
They aren't looking at her, but they aren't talking to each other either - just sort of staring into each other's eyes and smiling and while Haley might consider that creepy on a bad day, her heart is already too vulnerable thanks to the boy in her arms and she feels it burst at the sight.
Momma is leaned all the way back in her bed, her hair curling on her forehead while mom leans over her, one hand on her leg and the other in her hair, and they're just smiling, like they're the only people in the room who matter. It's utterly beautiful and Haley has a momentary snapshot of what she wants her life to be - so filled with love that losing the other person would utterly destroy her.
Before she can continue in that vein of depressing thought, the doctor asks them what to name the boy, and Haley blurts out Alex before she can stop herself. Momma and mom look at her with shining eyes before mom nods at the doctor and repeats the name, her fingers tangled in momma's.
"Alexander Berry-Fabray."
//
Teddy shows up at the hospital her momma is in a week after she gets moved to the Columbia neuro center. He had been on a trip out west for most of the time and his arrival is punctuated by a loud crash outside the waiting room before he stumbles into the room, panting, and with a scratch all down his arm. His hair is still as wild as ever and his eyes are bright as he searches the room before he spots her.
He literally vaults over an empty couch and nearly falls over, straight onto her, but she shoots up before he can and throws herself at him, knocking his momentum backwards so that they balance out. Alex is sitting in daddy's lap and squeals at Teddy's appearance, clapping his hands together with wide movements. But all she can hear is Teddy whispering in her ear.
"It'll be okay," he whispers, turning his head into her temple, wrapping her up in his long, warm arms. "It'll be okay, Hales."
And Haley sinks into him in cries, because she remembers the look on her mom's face just five minutes ago - gaunt and lonely. So lonely, and she hopes to any God that will listen that he's right, if not for her, than for mom.
//
Momma wakes up and stays awake for the first time a month after her accident. She's been going in and out of consciousness for a week now, waking up for a few seconds or minutes and smiling at whoever's in the room with a grimace. The doctors had said that this was a sign - that her brain was putting itself back together and getting its feet up under it. They mentioned that she might not be...all there, that they might have to deal with memory or function problems.
Haley was in the room, sitting on the windowsill and looking down at the courtyard that extended out from the cafeteria. Most of the family had gone down to get some food, and she can sort of see Teddy flying Alex through the air like an airplane while daddy took a picture.
Mom is standing next to her, staring straight ahead at momma's brain wave monitor, her fingers bouncing up and down on the windowsill somewhat nervously. Her fingers are pale and thin - Haley noticed yesterday that mom had to keep shifting her wedding ring further down onto her finger to get it to stay on.
Despite all the encouraging moments over the past week, Haley feels like she's watching her mom die right in front of her, and it hurts. It hurts more than the endless hours of watching momma sleep in that hospital bed - it hurts more than Alex's now nearly nightly crying. It's the most painful thing she's ever experienced. She's known since she was a baby how utterly entwined her mothers were - Haley's never had to live with one and not the other.
As much as she doesn't know what that'd be like, as scary as the thought is, she doesn't quite believe mom could really live without momma.
And that's the scariest thing she's ever known. It would be terrible to have her momma die, it would be painful and she would probably spend a lot of time locked in her room listening to depressing music and she wouldn't understand why she couldn't wake up to the sound of her momma singing. It would be wrong, to not have her momma. But it would be so much worse having to see her mom try and live without her.
Because she would - Haley knows her mothers, and neither of them would abandon Haley and Alex and their family. Her mom would stay and fight and she would be there. But Haley knows that however badly she would feel without her momma, her mom would feel ten billion times worse.
And that would be so entirely depressing to see in her mother that Haley can't even begin to contemplate it.
She's drawn out of her rambling and dark thoughts by a strange noise coming from the bed - it sounds like air being pushed out of something. Her mom is still staring down at the brain wave monitor, which is spiking high under her watchful gaze. Haley gets the feeling that she's not really watching it, just staring.
Haley looks over at the bed and nearly falls off the windowsill - her momma's mouth is moving, looking straight over at them. In her haste to move, Haley barely has time to hit her mom on the arm before she lunges over to the bed, leaning over her momma and feeling tears coming to her eyes because momma is looking back and smiling, her whole body thrumming into life that Haley can see, see because she's so used to watching it not move at all. Mom crashes into her side, her pale hands grasping the metal siding of the bed and Haley steps back as she watches her mothers stare at each other, before momma's hand shifts, just barely, grabbing mom's hand and squeezing.
And Haley can't help but cry and smile as her mom bursts into tears, hot and fast, as she leans down to kiss momma's forehead, calling for a doctor.
//
The doctor says it's a miracle. Two weeks later and her momma bounces out of bed and downstairs, carrying Alex with her and she's singing.
The only things off are strange little pockets in memory - sometimes momma can't for the life of her remember words and gets invariably upset when no one has a thesaurus to look it up in - and she sometimes gets little shakes. Her head hurts a lot, but the doctor thinks that's because of something having to do with diet.
But she's singing, when Haley comes downstairs and she smiles happily at Alex as he eats the food given to him with his usual lack of skill and finesse.
But the best moment is when mom comes downstairs and sits next to Haley at their kitchen island. Her hands are still pale, but her wedding ring fits a little better and her face doesn't look so afraid or alone. She sits down heavily, her fingers wrapping around the mug of coffee slid across the island to her, but she doesn't look down at the swirling black liquid.
Haley watches her mom as she stares steadily at her wife, her love, her life, and Haley's mother. Her hazel eyes are intense and focused, but the smile on her face is so wide that Haley can't help but smile too. It takes a bit for her momma to recognize mom's staring.
"Quinn, baby," her momma whispers, setting down the jar of food she was about to feed to Alex and sliding around his high-chair and stepping between mom's knees. Her hands reach up and grab either side of mom's head and Haley watches as momma kisses mom lightly. "Stop staring."
Haley starts laughing at mom's affronted look and momma's mischievous expression, and Alex joins in, flipping his plastic animal toy into the air with a yell.
And it's perfection as mom leans forward to kiss momma with all the love she has.
//
"Okay, so you want Love Story? Like, the song. Like, Taylor Swift?" Teddy asks, bouncing his knee up and down and staring Haley down with his eyebrow raised. They're at a small ice cream shop downtown, and Haley nods as she shuffles through some of the papers spread out across the table, glaring at him for his distrust.
"It's a great song!"
"It's like, not even important. You do realize that you're planning a wedding? You have one of the greatest singers in the history of planet earth at your disposal and you're picking some rearranged version of Love Story as your first dance?"
"Yes."
"My mom will not be happy about this."
"Your mother hates me, Teddy. I really don't think I should have to bow down to her on our wedding day. And plus, you like this song. And it actually means something!"
Teddy looks chastised as he scoops up a large amount of ice cream with his spoon and offers some to Haley, who takes the bite happily before she looks back down at the song list.
"I'm just saying...like, why? I don't have a problem with the song, I guess, even if it is super corny and Romeo and Juliet die in the end...but why Taylor Swift? Aren't their like, bigger better fish to fry?"
"No one says that any more," Haley says, shoving all of the papers into a pile and then fitting them into her messenger bag, before she reaches over and grabs her spoon and dips it into Teddy's ice cream cup. "How about because I love you? Doesn't that count?"
"If you really loved me you would let me buy that limited edition - "
"No, Teddy. Just no."
"Fine. I want Love Story because life is all about love stories. But I've seen the greatest love story play out right in front of me and I want to honor that I'm the product of a love story and now I'm making my own - "
Haley is cut off by Teddy jamming his spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.
"Honey, you really are your mother's daughter. I get it. You're a love story."
Haley frowns at her fiance, grabbing the spoon in her mouth and swallowing the ice cream before she speaks.
"Plus, momma's been itching to sing it. She's having some sort of mental breakdown about us getting married, and I have a bet with mom that she'll cry. Mom seems to think that she'll keep her professionalism through the song."
"Easiest bet ever. She'll cave seven notes in!"
"I know. So, Love Story?"
Teddy pauses, fishing around in his ice cream cup before he raises his eyes to Haley's.
"Do you remember when Alex was born and you told me that you wanted to fall in love like your parents?" he asks, dropping his spoon and leaning back, surveying her with a small smile.
Haley nods slowly, reaching forward and sliding his ice cream over to her, unsure what his point is.
"I just want you to know that I would move heaven and earth to get you to wake up, if you ever fell off a set and went into a coma. Just so you know. If it ever comes up," he says, his voice uncharacteristically deep as he considers the table. Haley's mouth goes a little dry.
"I love you too," she says quietly, willing his eyes to meet hers. She smiles at him, and she watches as his own gorgeous smile spreads across his face.
"Come on, let's go home," he says, standing up and stretching, before grabbing the messenger bag and offering his hand down to her. Haley grabs it and smiles at the shot of warmth that spreads down her whole body and leans into his side as they start walking down the crowded street.
//
Her mom loses the hundred dollar bet when momma's voice cracks on the line, "begging you please don't go."
When it happens, Haley glances over at her mom from where her head is resting against Teddy's chest as the music plays on. Quinn makes her way up to the steps after sending a small glare over to Haley, and pulls momma off the stage and into her arms, laughing when the shorter woman flings her arms around her neck and kisses her quite fully on the lips.
Haley smiles, turning her head to look up at Teddy, who smiles happily down at her, his hands on her waist tightening. He leans further down and kisses her, unintentionally mimicking her mothers across the room, before he pulls back a little and clears his throat.
Against her lips, he sings another (admittedly out of place) line, "it's a love story, baby, just say yes."
the end.