Friendship, Love and... Attention?
I'm not sure why but I have been feeling very neglected in terms of friendship lately >.>
It's not like I don't try to keep in contact; it's just that one-sided initiatives are painstakingly aggravating & agonising! In short, it's disappointing. The problem with this is that, if both parties were to hope for the other to glide through the first step, then both would probably be at a dead-end of matters.
'Distance makes the heart grow fonder'. I won't deny the truth contained within. However, it mostly doesn't apply to the current generation these days... And that's as sad as it gets.
Online communication works... Mobile phones, the internet, facebook, twitter *insert 100 more social networking sites here*... but as it has been recently reported, 'addiction' of communication through services such as facebook is no mere, 'addiction'... It's a PROBLEM!
Ugh... Who am I complaining to? I myself am no better at times. Transportation is an issue, I shall not deny. So, can't everyone who claim themselves as BFFs straight to my face wait for me & keep in contact as best as possible instead of giving up on contacting me, like, for a longggggggg time?! Hey, I'm still here you know T^T I think a lot about matters, life, family, pets, friends, studies and a thousand more stuff that clouds my mind during the day & floods it in the middle of the night, giving me insomnia for a full week straight. (Insomnia as in, rolling around in bed since 2am till 7am without a single wink of sleep)
As for friends met online, they are nice people! I sometimes wished they were my neighbour so that I don't have to keep hoping or reminding them that I 'would like to see them in person some day when I can'. It seems though... that I am the only one enthusiastic about that, apparently. They really ARE nice people but... I can't help the sinking feeling that they don't give much of a damn to whether or not I... exist? (Can't think of a more appropriate word at the moment). I mean, yeah, I'm a 'good' friend, but... it feels along the line of 'Penpals will stay as penpals... Saying pointless words of 'Hey let's see each other soon!' and getting 'worried' for your being or hey 'I missed you a lot!' and *hugs*'. =/ Very negative perception, I know. This probably stems from my easily shakable faith in friends... because even the ones you meet face to face tend to fade into the distance rather quickly, whatmore someone who doesn't even know how you look like?
Years ago, I was really upset most of the time due to certain gossipers (or more like, troublemakers) in school & my horrid 24-hours complaining attitude was so much of a bother that I feel that it may have plummeted my friendship into the ditches over recent years. Regret is such a sorrowful, disappointing word. I feel guilty. I wished I didn't bombard Big Sis/Big Bro with all those pointless self-esteem issues that was countlessly pondered over for months on end... Even my real life friends, as well as my parents & sister practically yelled at me for always repeatedly asking for confirmation. It's not that I'm not aware of that unusual & problematic habit, I just can't help it! And honestly, it's not that I don't know the answer every time I ask a silly psychological question, it's that I need what we define as, reassurance.
So on that note, I end my long rant of issues bugging me, with a huge sincere apology which I know, may never mend the damage already done as the wound is too deep, the mistakes are far too great. This is why, my resolution as the New Year (According to the Chinese Calendar) is ushered into the homes of many, I PRAY MY MISTAKES ARE FORGIVEN & WELL FORGOTTEN AS I WORK HARD WITH SINCERE PRAYER IN HAND TO TURN OVER A NEW, GREENER LEAF, TO CHANGE MY AWFUL HABITS & ATTITUDE ISSUES.
Happy Chinese New Year 2012! The Year of the Dragon!
I really appreciate my family, pets, friends (both online & offline) & those of you who have made a difference in my life, whether it is to extend a hand for reach when I had fallen down or worried about me when I cried. I truly, from the bottom of my heart, love you. 'Irreplacable individuals' is always what comes to mind at first thought of people like you...
Life's like that, isn't it...? This is why, life is so precious, cherish it, treasure it, because you are only given a chance, no more, no less. *In loving memory of Pepper who passed away on 15th January 2012*