scared, part II
Basically, the auto immune disease I have is worsening. It's doing fun things like attacking my bones, not just my muscles. I'm afraid it's going to continue progressing and screw up my organs. From the reading I've been doing, the uncontrollable vomiting I've had (that has caused my weight loss) could be the result of the RSD (because it is affecting some nervous system that is triggering the vomiting), and that can fuck up the organs. I'm solidly in phase II of this, I'd be happy to give links to more information.
It's not the pain itself which is scaring me, it's the way my body is falling apart from it. The osteoarthritis of my joints, the osteoporosis that is probably happening (something I need to check), inability to fall asleep, the muscle spasms that are horrendous, there is just so much stuff that my body is going through. I'm saving for a voice program to use for the computer because my hands are just not coping with typing anymore. crouchback can probably do a better job explaining how I'm struggling through this, since he sees it as an outsider. Just ask him if it's ok with me to talk about it, or ask me, but if you're reading this you can be confident that it would be ok.
I'm scared because my body is failing me. I'm scared that these hospitalizations are becoming more frequent. I'm scared that I'll not be able to do with my life what I want to do. I have so many other things I'm scared about and it's all tied into this fucking condition.
It's not the pain itself which is scaring me, it's the way my body is falling apart from it. The osteoarthritis of my joints, the osteoporosis that is probably happening (something I need to check), inability to fall asleep, the muscle spasms that are horrendous, there is just so much stuff that my body is going through. I'm saving for a voice program to use for the computer because my hands are just not coping with typing anymore. crouchback can probably do a better job explaining how I'm struggling through this, since he sees it as an outsider. Just ask him if it's ok with me to talk about it, or ask me, but if you're reading this you can be confident that it would be ok.
I'm scared because my body is failing me. I'm scared that these hospitalizations are becoming more frequent. I'm scared that I'll not be able to do with my life what I want to do. I have so many other things I'm scared about and it's all tied into this fucking condition.