Jan 30, 2006 17:05
So pretty much I think I will never hear the words. My best friend ran up to me to tell me a "very interesting story." I must admit, I had hoped it involved me. I half hoped the girl she was talking about in her story was me...but of course not. I was stupid to even think there was a chance. History repeats itself right? So why would now be any different? So I listened with mixed fake enthusiasm and actual advice. I still like my friends to think I am always in the middle, ready to listen and inject ocasional self-esteem boosters when needed but I wish for a change, it was me the stories were about or me who was telling them. I'm tired of listening. I've listened all my life. Why can't the girl in the story be me? I gave up on IT but I deep down I know IT is out there, maybe not perfect IT but pretty darn close. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm too picky. My mom says if I ignore it, then I'll only settle for second best. But I guess that's the problem, the perfection of the situation is only from what I've seen in movies. I guess deep down, I don't believe in the real thing, no matter how much I want to believe. I have lost all faith that I'll ever find it. And I won't settle for anything less. You may be happy and it may suit you more than you ever dreamed. But my intuitive tells me differently. I've waited 17 years and I can wait longer. Why settle for anything less than what I truly want. I guess that's where control plays into this. I have to be strong and take command of my own life-not let others lead it.