Thursday - Not as good as Saturday
I am so far behind in just about everything that sometimes I wonder how I get anything done at all. I have been commissioned to complete a knit/crochet order. At first I thought I was just a bit out of practice and therefore slow but now I realize that the reason it's taking me so long is that I have underestimated the total amount of time it will take for me to do and overestimated how much time I would have to devote to it.
My time has been almost entirely devoted to the Co-op and my work there. Between working off my studio rent in manual labor hours and attempting to increase my inventory of 'robot pots' there's just not much left of me by the time I get home. Sometimes I wonder how I managed all the things I did when I was working full time and I'm in awe of what I once was. I'm also amazed that I still have any friends at all. How is anyone supposed to maintain any type of friendship when they spend all of their time working a job all day then returning home to clean, cook, shuttle cats to the vets, do laundry, etc... I never had free time but somehow I managed to make time for my friends. Now it seems that I don't even have enough time to say hi to The Husband much less my friends.
It's frustrating how little I seem to be able to get done in a day now. I keep asking myself what I've lost along the way. How is it that there was a time when I was so on top of things that I could juggle the work, the home, the social requirements. I held myself to a highter standard than I do now. Maybe I just need another job that tries to take my soul like the last one did. Maybe that's where the drive I had came from... fighting to keep my soul, damaged as it was. Now that it's free, I've lost my need to fight. Does this mean I've lost my will to fight too?
So to my friends who I am behind in my promised work, I am sorry. To the friends I neglected for so many years while I attempted to work myself into an early grave while simultaneously handling all of the required domestic responsibilities, forgive me. And to The Husband who is letting me "play" for the moment while I let our personal lives deteriorate, thank you. To all, I don't deserve your friendship but I want and need it none the less.
It's snowing.
Saturday will be better...
My time has been almost entirely devoted to the Co-op and my work there. Between working off my studio rent in manual labor hours and attempting to increase my inventory of 'robot pots' there's just not much left of me by the time I get home. Sometimes I wonder how I managed all the things I did when I was working full time and I'm in awe of what I once was. I'm also amazed that I still have any friends at all. How is anyone supposed to maintain any type of friendship when they spend all of their time working a job all day then returning home to clean, cook, shuttle cats to the vets, do laundry, etc... I never had free time but somehow I managed to make time for my friends. Now it seems that I don't even have enough time to say hi to The Husband much less my friends.
It's frustrating how little I seem to be able to get done in a day now. I keep asking myself what I've lost along the way. How is it that there was a time when I was so on top of things that I could juggle the work, the home, the social requirements. I held myself to a highter standard than I do now. Maybe I just need another job that tries to take my soul like the last one did. Maybe that's where the drive I had came from... fighting to keep my soul, damaged as it was. Now that it's free, I've lost my need to fight. Does this mean I've lost my will to fight too?
So to my friends who I am behind in my promised work, I am sorry. To the friends I neglected for so many years while I attempted to work myself into an early grave while simultaneously handling all of the required domestic responsibilities, forgive me. And to The Husband who is letting me "play" for the moment while I let our personal lives deteriorate, thank you. To all, I don't deserve your friendship but I want and need it none the less.
It's snowing.
Saturday will be better...