Dejected
Lately Katie had been noticing that her life was going nowhere. She wasn't really sure about whether that bothered her enough or not yet, but she realized that her life was a dead end at this point. She would log on to the internet and stare at the google main page blankly, wondering in some corner of her mind if she should do something. Well, she knew she ought to do something she just had no idea what. She didn't really know how to stop her life from being such a dead end. Clicking on the textfield, her fingers hovered over the keys and she tilted her head to the side. Now what. What should she search on? Pictures? Pointless at the end of the day, yeah, but they were pretty. Then again, the search for pictures could be emotionally exhasting; finding the perfect picture leading up to a blissful happiness, then finding dud links and pictures by 'artists' who needed some other hobby. Really the whole thing was vexing, and shallow. She wondered if she should search on stars and finally get her astronomical site up and running... then again, she had typed up the html ages ago, and she still had the notepad documents. That was going nowhere, besides, another site on the shapeless immense mass of the writhing waves on the web, hardly a life statement. The cursor blinked at her expectantly and she sighed, giving up and logging off. Maybe she would get on later when she could think of a good reason to get on, or maybe not. She drifted listlessly into her bedroom and gazed at the rows of books. Maybe she should read a book, after all she would lose herself in books completely, she would feel herself right there in the moment, tensed up, tuned into the character... but the book would end. She could immerse herself in books for only so long, they all ended, and the characters stopped. It didn't really seem fair in Katie's mind, after all that being part of the characters life, the author could put the character down and make a new one. She knew that she couldn't stand it when she got to the end of the book, it practically flung her into depression. So, perhaps not a book. She considered writing a story, then gave up immediately as she thought about the expectant cursor. Besides, she'd only start the story to give up and do something else. It's all pointless she reflected. What she needed was some direction, something to give her that precious coveted meaning. She shook her head and lay down on her bed face down. Maybe she should just give up living right here and right now. She got so involved with her books and her video games, but none of them were real, she didn't feel the tug of home in reality as she did to Final Fantasy and a good Tanya Huff novel.