That 70s show quotes - season 5
Red: Isn't it a little early for you to be hopped up?
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Kelso: No. Uh-uh. I can't leave Annette. I love her.
Eric: You don't love her.
Kelso: I love parts of her.
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Eric: Donna, we have to stabilize him. We're gonna need pudding, and lots of it.
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Hyde: What's wrong with Mrs. Forman's parents?
Kitty: Nothing. They're just- They're very complicated people who can't be summed up in a couple of words.
Eric: Grandma yells, Grandpa drinks.
Red: That pretty much summed it up.
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Kitty: The doctor told me I started menopause.
Kitty's mother: Kitty, language!
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Kitty's mother: Did what, dear?
Kitty: Menopause.
Kitty's mother: ( Chuckles )I never had it.
Kitty: Mom, everybody has it.
Kitty's mother: Well, I've always been quite health conscious. I told you to eat more vegetables.
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Kitty: Mom, why don't you ever really talk to me?
Kitty's mother: I told you I liked your cookies!
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Kitty: You know, that woman is crazy.
Kitty's father: Your mother just doesn't know how to talk to people. If she yells at you... she really means that she's sorry you're upset. And if she breaks all your golf clubs... she means
''happy anniversary.''
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Eric: Oh, no. Look at the symptoms. ''Temperamental behavior, mood swings, facial hair.'' Uh-oh. Dad, I think you have menopause.
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Eric: How did I ever get a girl as great as you? You know you can do better than me, right? (Laughs )
Donna: But you're right next door. It's so easy.
Eric: Right.
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(seeing Eric and Donna kissing)
Kitty: Oh, you two make me sick.
Eric: Looks like my mom, but speaks like my dad.
Kitty: I-I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. That wasn't me talking. That was- That was-That was the menopause.
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Kitty: Red! Schotzie is a poor little animal with small breakable legs! You can't throw him around the room like you would Eric
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Laurie: I miss dating Kelso, the guys I'm with now are so I don't know, what's the word? married.
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Kitty: Oh, my god. That's where Laurie gets her mean streek. It's not from delightful me, it's from my evil mother.
Hyde: So evil skips a generation.
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Kelso: Oh! Will you relax Eric. Guns don't just go off by accident.
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Eric: I don't mind looking at some trees, okay? But when they put little signs on them, with little Latin names- It makes me want to harm myself.
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Hyde: Engaged is latin for screwed for life.
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Red: If I was a bird I'd fly into a ceiling fan.
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Red: Oh, you're coming too, pal. And there's gonna be heavy lifting. You better bring Donna.
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Jackie: Steven, I cannot be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth.
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Red: I'm sorry Kitty but yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.
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Jackie: Oh. Wait. Fez, I can't believe you finally lost your virginity.
Eric: Wait, wait. This isn't like the time you bought a hamster named it virginity and then lost it?
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Kelso: Don't take it personally Hyde. You know Leo never liked phones he said he could hear voices in them.
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Kitty: Red, you just can't force people to do what you want.
Red: Oh, see. That's one of those things that people say that is just not true. Like, there's no place like home. Hell, I can think of a 100 places better than this.
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Eric: Donna you have to let her stay with you. Come on, she's your best friend.
Donna: She's not my best friend.
Eric: Well then, who's your best friend.
Donna: Oh, crap. How the hell did that happen.
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Eric: Oh man, I can't tell him. This is a job for someone who's cold, heartless and just inhuman. Jackie, go for it.
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Kelso (playing his own version of American Pie): Something touched me deep inside, the day that Hyde... lied. So bye bye, Mr. Steven Hyde. I’m a hottie and your nottie, Jackie's gonna be mine. She likes my brunette locks not your curly ass twine. Oh, Jackie Burkhart you are so fiiiiine... Wrote that just for you, Jackie.
Hyde: You didn't write that, you just ripped it off of American Pie.
Kelso: Na-ah! The American Pie guy ripped me off!
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Fez: Ahh! My last American popsicle, washed down with my last American grape soda!
Hyde: Fez, it's sad that you're getting deported, but this last American crap is getting annoying.
Fez: Ahh, my last American chance to annoy you.
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Fez: Now I am off to spend the rest of my American money on candy and porno.
Donna: But Fez...
Fez: I said candy and porno!
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Laurie: I married Fez so he could stay in the country!
Red: You did what?
Laurie: Don't worry Daddy, I don't love him; I was just bored.
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Hyde: You know, at the hospital, they should have checked your head!
Kelso: They did! ...And for your information, they found nothing!
Season 1 quotes
Season 2 quotes Part 1 Part 2
Season 3 quotes
Season 4 quotes