That 70s show qoutes - season 8
Kitty: Fez you can't date her.
Fez: Why not?
Kitty: Well in the first place: she's so... old.
Randy (to Red): Isn't she kind of the same age as Mrs. Forman?
Red: Yeah say that louder, that'll really help.
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Kitty: You girls throw it around like football players, couldn't one of you have slept with him?
Donna: Mrs. Forman, you need to understand something. Fez is a deviant weirdo. We're just glad he is doing it with a person and not a couch, a tree or my pillow.
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Donna: Wow. Fez and an older divorced woman. You know, if I were a divorced older woman, I would take everything from my ex-husband. Suffer you cheating bastard! Haa! Can't wait to be divorced.
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Kitty: I'd get up, but my back's still sore from that knife you stuck in it
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Red: Listen Tutankhamen, you need to fix this. My wife has been sitting there calm and quiet all day. I disarmed landmines in Korea. But I have never been this nervous that something's about to explode.
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Kitty: Okay Fez. If you really see me as your mother, then you need to do what any good son would do in this situation. . . .Lie to me.
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Kitty: So you see? Not telling each other what they don't wanna hear is what being a family is all about.
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Hyde: You know, once the thrill being married to a stripper is gone, you're just left with a wife who's always got change for a five.
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Donna: Hyde thanks for letting us broadcast from Grooves. We couldn't do it at the Children's Library, because the last time I was there, this ten year old boy got a peek down my shirt and his mom had to read him "What's happening to my body" three years earlier then she planned. And well, now I'm not welcome back.
Hyde: Wait a second, you guys are doing this at my store? Where was I when this was decided?
Randy: At work. We just didn't want to wake you.
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Samantha (arguing): I cleared all your crap off the bed.
Hyde (arguing back): Why the hell did you do that?
Samantha: Because...we're gonna use it to make up! Unless you wanna...make up in the shower...
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Samantha: You know I hate it when you read the paper while I'm sitting right here next to you!
Hyde: Yeah. That's why I'm doing it, honey-bunch.
Samantha: Why don't you read your horoscope? I bet it says you won't be getting any!
Hyde: Oh, here is my horoscope. You'll find yourself living with a bitch!
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(speaking on the radio, raising money)
Donna: Okay...it's been two hours...and I'm nowhere near my goal. Um, I understand that some of my fans can't make it here because, well, you're in prison. But for those of you who aren't: rob a bank or something! Just kidding! Uh.WFPP in no way endorses the robbing of banks !
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Leo: I think what you're doing here is great, man.
Donna: Thanks, Leo.
Leo: Yeah, we haven't had a trash can in here in ages. (throws a wrapper into Donna's donation jar)
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Hyde: Hey. You know what they should have? An all girl band. Except in stead of playing instruments, they just dance around and make out.
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Fez: Here is what a typical guy thinks about. Sex, beer and pinball. Now, if a guy can have sex while drinking beer on a pinball machine… well that’s the beautiful story of how I met my wife.
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Jackie: Fez, I wanna find work but it's really hard. I spent all morning going to every store in the mall. And when I find the right outfit, I'm gonna look for job
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Red: Steven, you have finally reached that point of your life where you're no longer a dumb ass kid. You're a dumb ass man.
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Samantha: I stripped at the Viking Lodge in Vegas for a guys 85th birthday. He had a heart attack. But then the paramedics showed up and they were really good tippers.
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Red: See, that's the thing about marriage. No one tells you about the three rings. There's the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
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Randy: I’m pretty old-fashioned when it comes to romance. We’re talking flowers, candy, love poems. And well, you haven’t given me any of those things.
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Jackie: Ah, Mrs. Forman, can I borrow your curling iron? I was gonna borrow Donna's but hers smells like potatoes.
Donna: It wasn't my fault! My Dad used it to make curly fries.
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Donna: Leo, look. I'm really flattered that you like me but I can't be your girlfriend.
Leo: Is it because I'm black?
Donna: You're not black.
Leo: So, it's not that then. I know what it is, you like that Randy guy.
Donna: What? No, I don't.
Leo: Yes, you do. So I think maybe its best that we stop seeing each other.
Donna: Wait a minute; you're breaking up with me?
Leo: I'm sorry but I just can't date a racist.
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Hyde: Guys. Who put a sandwich in the cash register?
Fez: You can pay for things with sandwiches?! Helloooo Hawaii!
Leo: I did that Hyde. Sorry man. But I've been a little scatterbrained lately.
Randy: It's true. Cause I remember when I first met you I thought... that guy is focused!
Hyde: Yeah. You've been acting kinda weird even for you. Are you sober?
Leo: No Aquarius.
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Randy: You know, there is a good chance Leo forgets this whole thing. Just like he forgot that other thing. The sixties.
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Christine: What you showed me just now, proves that you are a sweet, honest, young woman. And that CRAP will get you nowhere in show business!
Jackie: So what? Am I supposed to lie and cheat and take credit for other people's work?
Christine: That's how I paid for my Mercedes.
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Red: There was a woman, a newly-wed. And she told her husband, rather then waste money on gifts, save for retirement. And so he never bought her a gift. Not for Christmas, birthdays...never. And 50 years later, she thanked him. And you know who that woman was?
Hyde: No. That woman was the invisible dancing fairy of dumb-ass land! All women want gifts.
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Randy (to Donna): I just think you're hot and I want to go out with you.
Bob: OHHHH! I'm a father and I'm standing right here!
Randy: Here Mr. Pinciotti. Pizza's on me.
Bob: Have her home by sunrise.
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Randy: You know, I have noticed something about you. You only like to make out in secret, dark places.
Donna: What?! What are you talking about?
Randy: Yesterday you drove me half a mile into the woods. I've never dated an Italian girl. I thought I was gonna get whacked!
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Fez: Well, I have a question of a theme that'll make things less awkward. Randy, when you kiss Donna, is it smooth like melted fudge? Or... rough like a cock fight?
Jackie: FEZ! Now that is personal! So have you guys had sex yet?
Donna: JACKIE!
Hyde: My money is on no. Donna is a strong independent woman. Who feels that men should respect women for their minds? In other words, she's a big fat tease.
Fez: Well I think it is going to happen soon. Because normally Donna only shaves her legs up to her knees. But this morning, she went all the way from Miami to Jacksonville.
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Hyde: Men, this place is clean. You're sure no women lives here, man?
WB: Steven, please, I don't need a woman living here to keep a clean house. I have a maid
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Jackie: See now this is the kind of house I want. And I know that if I work hard enough, I can find someone would buy one for me.
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Hyde: Man, I should not have thrown a party here. It's weird but I feel kinda guilty. I never felt guilty before in my life. Even when the judge said "you're guilty."
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Donna: Mrs. Forman, I'm sorry you're uncomfortable but for the last time, Eric broke up with me.
Kitty: I don't care. You should still be waiting for him. When Red went to war, I waited for him, and I had more men coming after me than Hitler!
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Donna: Then she yelled at us, so I told her she was a bad mother and that Eric went to Africa to get away from her. Now she's really mad at me.
Red: Well, of course, she's mad at you Donna. You can't just go around telling people the truth.
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Jackie: Thanks. I guess it's true what they say: Keep your friends close and your enemies fat.
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(standing at the side of a creek)
Jackie: How am I supposed to get across?
Hyde: Come across like you always do... real bitchy.
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(after the gang finds out Samantha already has a husband)
Donna: Wow, Hyde. I bet when you married a stripper this wasn't the threesome you were expecting.
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Donna: So if she was married to him before she was married to you, that means you guys aren't legally married, which means... this is freakin' hilarious.
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(after Fez is dumped)
Fez: I need someone to hug me and tell me it's alright.
Jackie: Aw, Fez...
Fez: I gotta go find Hyde!
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Randy: Look, I'm sure you've dated a lot of people too. I mean, if we took all the people I've dated and all the people you've dated and put them in a room together...
Donna: We'd have a room full of girls... and Eric
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(after Fez insults Jackie, making her upset)
Hyde: Wow, man, that was harsh.
Fez: Yeah. It must of been my Jamaican Fire.
Hyde: So, you're from Jamaica?
Fez: No, my Jamaican Fire. It's my new cologne.
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Bob: C'mon, who doesn't want to move to Florida?
Donna: Me!
Bob: Oh. Well, geez, you should have said that before I put the house on the market.
Donna: You put the house on the market?
Bob: Relax, honey, I can always take it off.
Donna: You can?
Bob: No, it sold this morning.
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Jackie: Well, you know what? I don't want to see Fez! I mean, he called me ugly on the inside and the outside. I'm sorry, but he's just wrong about the outside part.
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Donna: Wow, the last day of the seventies. Thinking back it's like one big blur.
Hyde: You're welcome.
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Eric (to Donna): And you know what? It turns out that Red was right... I am a dumb ass!
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(Fez and Jackie kiss)
Jackie: That was really nice.
Fez: Yeah... you have a really strong tongue.
Jackie: Yeah, it's from all the talking.
Season 1 quotes
Season 2 quotes Part 1 Part 2
Season 3 quotes
Season 4 quotes
Season 5 quotes
Season 6 quotes Part 1 Part 2
Season 7 quotes Part 1 Part 2
Season 8 quotes Part 1