[fic][bleach] why rukia was never allowed to have a hamster
Bleach futurefic. Therefore assume that Orihime's married and Ichigo's a rockstar when he's not a shinigami. For dhio. Who gives the most awesome gifts. Once again: heeee, thank you.
A woman poked her head through the door. At least, the classroom was relatively sure she was a woman. She had a face that could place her anyplace between thirteen and thirty two. Her eyes were narrowed in a shrewd, cold appraisal of the place: like she found the very air in it wanting. Then, most incongruously, her face lit up like a child’s. It was a rather terrifying brightness. She stuck her arm out. She waved.
The teacher, who was prone to notice such dramatic movement, turned her head and blinked.
“Ku…kuchiki-san?”
“Hello, Inoue-san!” bubbled the woman. “It is a pleasure to see you again on this most fortuitous day!”
‘holy shit who talks like that’ thought the students amongst themselves.
“Kuchiki-san!” burst the teacher. “Does that mean…?”
“It may,” demurred the stranger.
“Oh!” said the teacher, who did a little dance of uncertainty right there in front of the blackboard. “I…I….mm. He’s back? He’s here? Is he? Is he outside. I. oh. I. I have to go!”
“Immediately,” agreed ‘Kuchiki-san.’
“GO SPEED RACER GO,” shouted the teacher in a sudden rush. She vanished.
Out the window.
The class, which was admittedly used to such bizarre comings and goings from the adult responsible for their education but not at this time of the day, sat in uncomfortable silence while the dust settled around the front of the room.
Then, like humble creature ready to accept Sainthood upon her thin, martyr-ly shoulders, the stranger walked to the front, combed her fingers over the front of her flowery summer dress (it was the middle of winter) and regarded the children solemnly.
“Kurosaki-sensei has taken a surprise leave of absence; due to a… what do you humans call it? Ah, a ‘family emergency’,” one could nearly hear the quotation marks pop up around the word. “But worry not. I, Kuchiki Rukia, shall be your substitute for this day.” She held up the ends of her dress in an uncomfortably perfect curtsy. “Please be gentle!”
”…and then she threatened to stab a kid with a pen,” Ichigo summarized.
“Yes,” confirmed Orihime, with a sheepish wriggle on his lap, where she’d plunked herself down to tell the tale. “But, um, sometimes students can be a little difficult! I always just tell them to talk quietly because the walls are bugged by order of the Ministry of Education and if you talk too loud then the bugs come out and they BZZZ at you until--”
“See,” said Ichigo. “That’d be when I’d beat ‘em with their own notebook.”
“OI, RUKIA,” shouted Renji from the door.
“Yes, oh brave Captain Abarai?” Rukia called back, in that respectful manner that made Renji kind of want to kill her. She was cross-legged and nearly naked as she sat on her futon. One leg was tucked under her and she’d propped the papers against her thigh.
“So. You put him back where you found him?”
Rukia balanced the tiny bottle in her palm and thought about it. “No,” she said, “I have not. Ichigo and I are still in the human world. You are not actually speaking to me. You are actually speaking to--”
Renji came tromping in, all bare feet on the recently polished floor. “Yeahyeahyeah and something about rabbits SHUT THE FUCK UP RUKIA and say ‘YES I’M BACK.’”
“Yes, oh illustrious Captain--”
“…right nevermind just shut the fuck up,” he came up behind her and planted a hand on her head and shoved it back. He meant either to bite her or kiss her, but was distracted by the absolutely nasty smell that came from the papers she was working on. “…after you tell me what the hell that is.”
Rukia was glad to explain. “Here.” She lifted bottle so close to Renji’s nose that he went cross-eyed, snorted, and jerked his head back with his teeth bared at it. “I did Inoue a small favor. This was my reward. I would not expect a fool like you to recognize its important meaning to--”
“…you stole it off her desk.”
“It’s magic ink,” said Rukia, in a slightly injured tone. She was not to be defeated however, she held the bottle close to her chest for a moment and continued: “It’s special. You apply it to normal, lesser inks and…”
“It’s just white ink, Rukia.”
“It makes them disappear.”
“It smells like crap, Rukia.”
“Perfect.” She scrunched up her face in unacknowledged irritation. “For. Unsightly. Marks. On…” Her gaze focused somewhere above his left eye.
“Are you going to tell me what took you so long or did you want to write a twenty page report about it?”
“Renji, hold still.”
“What?”
Rukia held up the brush.
“…no, bitch.”
“Just one moment!”
“I SAID NO.”
“Hell-ooooo class!” said the teacher the next day. “I’m sorry! I am back for the--”
“KUROSAKI-SENSEI PLEASE NEVER LEAVE AGAIN,” cried the student body as a whole. Though if pressed to ask why they were moved to such passion, they could only dimly recall that it involved a three gerbils, a soda machine, and possibly the prime minister. They weren’t entirely sure.
“Good morning, Renji-san!” said Rikichi the next day. “Ah. I think there’s something on your…”
“I’LL SKIN YOU.”
“Okay! Breakfast as usual!” concluded Rikichi. It would involve a lot of raw meat. He scurried off to go take care of that.
A woman poked her head through the door. At least, the classroom was relatively sure she was a woman. She had a face that could place her anyplace between thirteen and thirty two. Her eyes were narrowed in a shrewd, cold appraisal of the place: like she found the very air in it wanting. Then, most incongruously, her face lit up like a child’s. It was a rather terrifying brightness. She stuck her arm out. She waved.
The teacher, who was prone to notice such dramatic movement, turned her head and blinked.
“Ku…kuchiki-san?”
“Hello, Inoue-san!” bubbled the woman. “It is a pleasure to see you again on this most fortuitous day!”
‘holy shit who talks like that’ thought the students amongst themselves.
“Kuchiki-san!” burst the teacher. “Does that mean…?”
“It may,” demurred the stranger.
“Oh!” said the teacher, who did a little dance of uncertainty right there in front of the blackboard. “I…I….mm. He’s back? He’s here? Is he? Is he outside. I. oh. I. I have to go!”
“Immediately,” agreed ‘Kuchiki-san.’
“GO SPEED RACER GO,” shouted the teacher in a sudden rush. She vanished.
Out the window.
The class, which was admittedly used to such bizarre comings and goings from the adult responsible for their education but not at this time of the day, sat in uncomfortable silence while the dust settled around the front of the room.
Then, like humble creature ready to accept Sainthood upon her thin, martyr-ly shoulders, the stranger walked to the front, combed her fingers over the front of her flowery summer dress (it was the middle of winter) and regarded the children solemnly.
“Kurosaki-sensei has taken a surprise leave of absence; due to a… what do you humans call it? Ah, a ‘family emergency’,” one could nearly hear the quotation marks pop up around the word. “But worry not. I, Kuchiki Rukia, shall be your substitute for this day.” She held up the ends of her dress in an uncomfortably perfect curtsy. “Please be gentle!”
”…and then she threatened to stab a kid with a pen,” Ichigo summarized.
“Yes,” confirmed Orihime, with a sheepish wriggle on his lap, where she’d plunked herself down to tell the tale. “But, um, sometimes students can be a little difficult! I always just tell them to talk quietly because the walls are bugged by order of the Ministry of Education and if you talk too loud then the bugs come out and they BZZZ at you until--”
“See,” said Ichigo. “That’d be when I’d beat ‘em with their own notebook.”
“OI, RUKIA,” shouted Renji from the door.
“Yes, oh brave Captain Abarai?” Rukia called back, in that respectful manner that made Renji kind of want to kill her. She was cross-legged and nearly naked as she sat on her futon. One leg was tucked under her and she’d propped the papers against her thigh.
“So. You put him back where you found him?”
Rukia balanced the tiny bottle in her palm and thought about it. “No,” she said, “I have not. Ichigo and I are still in the human world. You are not actually speaking to me. You are actually speaking to--”
Renji came tromping in, all bare feet on the recently polished floor. “Yeahyeahyeah and something about rabbits SHUT THE FUCK UP RUKIA and say ‘YES I’M BACK.’”
“Yes, oh illustrious Captain--”
“…right nevermind just shut the fuck up,” he came up behind her and planted a hand on her head and shoved it back. He meant either to bite her or kiss her, but was distracted by the absolutely nasty smell that came from the papers she was working on. “…after you tell me what the hell that is.”
Rukia was glad to explain. “Here.” She lifted bottle so close to Renji’s nose that he went cross-eyed, snorted, and jerked his head back with his teeth bared at it. “I did Inoue a small favor. This was my reward. I would not expect a fool like you to recognize its important meaning to--”
“…you stole it off her desk.”
“It’s magic ink,” said Rukia, in a slightly injured tone. She was not to be defeated however, she held the bottle close to her chest for a moment and continued: “It’s special. You apply it to normal, lesser inks and…”
“It’s just white ink, Rukia.”
“It makes them disappear.”
“It smells like crap, Rukia.”
“Perfect.” She scrunched up her face in unacknowledged irritation. “For. Unsightly. Marks. On…” Her gaze focused somewhere above his left eye.
“Are you going to tell me what took you so long or did you want to write a twenty page report about it?”
“Renji, hold still.”
“What?”
Rukia held up the brush.
“…no, bitch.”
“Just one moment!”
“I SAID NO.”
“Hell-ooooo class!” said the teacher the next day. “I’m sorry! I am back for the--”
“KUROSAKI-SENSEI PLEASE NEVER LEAVE AGAIN,” cried the student body as a whole. Though if pressed to ask why they were moved to such passion, they could only dimly recall that it involved a three gerbils, a soda machine, and possibly the prime minister. They weren’t entirely sure.
“Good morning, Renji-san!” said Rikichi the next day. “Ah. I think there’s something on your…”
“I’LL SKIN YOU.”
“Okay! Breakfast as usual!” concluded Rikichi. It would involve a lot of raw meat. He scurried off to go take care of that.