BECAUSE IT'S A PLAGUE.
…sometimes, please forgive me, I wake up thinking of your lips in my hair. It is very selfish of me, my lord, and for that I am sorry but in these hours I cannot help it and these things…they simply come to me. I lie close to you at night because I think in the dark the house may swallow me. Not because it’s a horrible place. It’s a beautiful place. Beautiful. Everything you possess and everything you are is, of course, but I am so small. I think it would be very easy for me to be stolen away, but I think if anyone would notice the absence of my weight it would be you, my lord, so if my presence is cloying I apologize. They’re silly fears, and as the lady of your house I should be above them. I should be above so many things. I should be…I should…
I do not know if it is my right, my lord, but sometimes I watch you sleep. It is presumptuous of me, I understand, but at night I am restless and things are quiet and it is nice to watch you. You are all smooth lines, my lord. Like the poetry you give me in the spring; I think I would have loved it even before I could read it. The shapes are dark and clear, nice to trace with my fingertips. I would not do that now, of course, it is disrespectful to such beauty…but such is my simplicity. It is nothing to match you…you….
If it is all right for me to say, my lord, I do look forward to brushing your hair in the mornings. I am grateful that you allow me such privilege; it hardly really needs my clumsy attentions. I cannot excuse the time I take with the task. I could tell you I do not wish my lord discomfort and this would be true, of course, but really I am more the liar than that. I would just like to keep my fingers in it for as long as is permissible-because I find it very soft. Just that. Only that. Always that.
Sometimes, please forgive me, I am improper. Sometimes I think I may lie too near and sometimes I think I may fear and want too many things at once. No such luxuries are owed to me, and I know, I know we should not be expected to control these things that come to us in waking…but sometimes I wake thinking of your lips in my hair.
And sometimes I like it very much.