Shamanic Journey
Monday August 29, 2005 ~10:20 pm
Sunday August 14th & 21st, 2005
Back on August 14th and 21st, I took a Shamanic Journeying class offered by the same instructor who’s teaching my chakra balancing class. It was a really neat experience and the people who took the class with me are even talking about having regular monthly meetings to keep practicing it. For the class, our instructor gave us a brief introduction and lecture about shamanism and journeying then explained the exact procedure of how to journey and the precautions to take. Since our instructor was of course partial to chakra balancing, we first prepared ourselves by grounding each other and opening each others heart chakras and third eyes. Then we smudged ourselves and the room. Then lay down with blindfolds over our eyes as we listened to a Shamanic drumming CD which served to put us in trance state for our journey. Then after our journey, we would sit in a circle and share what we’d seen. We did two journeys each day and took a break in between for a pot luck dinner which was nice.
Journey 1 - Sunday August 14, 2005
The purpose of the first journey was simply to explore the lower world, which is where we would find our power animal. (We live in the middle world. And the upper world is where we’d find our spirit guide.) Before starting, we would state our mission statement 3 times, which in this case was to travel to the lower world to explore. Then we needed to find an entry point that we would use every time to get into the lower world, which had to be a real place that we’ve actually been to and that still existed in real life like a cave or a tree that you could follow down into the lower world. I chose Yoda, the tree in the backyard of my childhood house, although I just heard today from my mother that the guy who bought our house hired a team to completely clear out the backyard, including cutting down Yoda. Poor Yoda. :( I’d been worried that that would happen, but Yoda was also already dying. I think he got struck by lightning and that’s why all the branches on that side of the tree were dead or dying, and also the reason the branch broke from under me. Hopefully the deep root system is still there, though, otherwise I’ll have to find another entry point, and Yoda is the only one that seemed right to me. I was really hoping Yoda would always be there for me to maybe visit in the future, even though I didn’t longer lived at the house anymore. Ah well, another lesson in letting go.
I gave my mission statement, I envisioned leaving my body and flying home to my tree, zipping over all the roads, then hopping over the fence and hugging my tree. Then I climbed the roots down into the lower world and ended up in some sort of dark underground cavern. It wasn’t pitch black, and it didn’t feel like the “void” that our instructor has warned us about. But it was still too dark to really see anything and I was afraid to go wandering into the dark to explore. I could feel a dusty ground beneath my feet. I took a few steps away from the entry point, but no farther than that. It wasn’t a scary darkness, but I just had the sense that if I went exploring in the dark, I wouldn’t find anything. I really wasn’t sure what to do there. Our instructor had told us to ask for help if we got stuck, but I felt it was something I had to do on my own. Also, even though I couldn’t really see anything, I felt a tremendous amount of energy flowing through me, to the point where it felt like my entire body was tingling and almost vibrating with it. I simply relaxed and enjoyed the energy. My mind wandered a bit. I might have even drifted to sleep a few times. I got an image in my head of a clipboard at one time, but nothing really changed. Then the drumming music sped up which was an indication to leave and return to our bodies. So I climbed back up the roots and flew back to my body. When we discussed what we’d seen in our circle, most other people had seen all kinds of neat things. Some might have even already gotten glimpses of their power animals. Although there were also a few like me who hadn’t seen much other than darkness.
Journey 2 - Sunday August 14, 2005
We had dinner, then got ready for our second journey. This time, our mission statement was to travel to the lower world in order to retrieve our power animal. In order for it to be our power animal, we had to see it at least 4 times or from 4 different angles and had to ask it 3 times if it was our power animal and get an affirmative response all 3 times. I was bit worried about not being able to see anything again. That’s always my worry when doing things like this. But I repeated my mission statement three times, left my body, flew back over the roads, hopped the fence, hugged my tree, and climbed back down the roots again. I ended up in the same dark, underground cavern, but this time there was a short path lit before me leading out of the cavern to a green pasture. I don’t know where the light was coming from, and there was still dim darkness on either side, but then there was a straight path of dirt that was dimly lit leading right out to the open.
I followed the path out to the pasture and was blinded by the bright sunlight. As I began walking through the pasture, a few butterflies fluttered by and an eagle or hawk soared high overhead. I noticed a forest on my right and felt drawn to it. I entered the forest which was a sort of old growth forest with enormous trees and lots of sunlight dappling through the canopy. Some of the roots were even as tall as me. As I walked, I saw a white unicorn lying down on the ground behind a large rock behind one of the trees. It was almost as if I was looking at the unicorn from someone else’s perspective, because the way I was walking, the unicorn would have been completely hidden from me. I got the sense that the unicorn wasn’t my power animal, though, and walked on. But visions of the unicorn kept coming back to me, so I turned around and walked over to her. I sensed that she gave me permission to pet her and I pet her nose and asked her if she was my power animal just in case to which she responded no. I just got the sense of the answer, though, since she didn’t speak in words. Then I asked if she would lead me and she responded yes and lead me to the base of a tree that had a small round door with two shutters in the roots. I thanked the unicorn and opened the doors and climbed through. The unicorn stayed behind.
The door ended up leading to another large underground cavern, but unlike the other one which had a dusty floor and was hidden in dim darkness, this cavern had a rocky floor and was dark as night, but brightly lit by the walls which were covered with a sparkling silver light. It was as if all the stalagmites and stalactites and the walls were covered in a sort of fairy dust or fragments of diamonds, although I knew whatever it was wasn’t jewels or precious stones. Ahead of me was an underground river running along the wall of the cavern with a waterfall streaming right into the middle of the river directly ahead of me. And even though I was underground, I could see stars overhead rather than the roof of the cave.
I stood there in the cavern, not sure where to go next. There appeared to be dead ends on either side and only the river, waterfall, and wall straight ahead. Then two grey wolves came to me. I got the sense that one of their names started with an “S.” Then they disappeared and came back again. I got the sense that one was a female named, Stardancer, and the other was a male named, Moonbeam.
I sat down on the ground facing the waterfall with Stardancer resting her head on my shoulder from behind and Moonbeam laying down on my right side. I got the sense that Stardancer was my power animal, but Moonbeam was not and was Stardancer’s mate or friend or brother. I asked her and she bowed her head yes.
I got the sense that there was a heavy, dark, wooden door (probably dark red or black) behind the waterfall, but that I wasn’t meant to go through it yet. I knew that I would probably still be able to open it, but if I did, all I would find was darkness behind it which I’d be unable to explore, similar to the darkness I experienced on my first journey. Instead, I just sat enjoying the waterfall and stars.
I finally asked Stardancer if there was somewhere that I was supposed to go. She lead me off to the left down a path along the river that I hadn’t noticed before. Moonbeam stayed behind. As we walked, I asked her again if she was my power animal and she nodded yes again. And I got the sense that her name wasn’t Stardancer, but Starhawk. The path dead ended at a pile of boulders which appeared to be blocking an exit because I could see the sunlight and green grass and a forest peeking in through the cracks. I knew I was supposed to get through somehow in order to continue my journey. I looked back at Starhawk and she went and laid down a few feet away as if to say, I’m here with you, but you need to get through on your own.
I stared at the boulders for a long time trying to figure out a way to get through. I was worried that if I started removing rocks, the whole thing would come collapsing down on me. I finally managed to remove enough rocks from the top left corner for me and Starhawk to crawl through. It was dark by that time, and I saw a small forest to my right, but straight ahead was a large placid lake with a bright full moon shining over it. We walked to the edge of the lake and as I stared out wondering what I needed to do next, the drumming sped up.
I asked Starhawk one more time if she was my power animal and she nodded yes once again. Then I asked if she’d be there when I returned, and she nodded again. Then I dove right into the middle of the lake which led me back to the roots to climb back home and sped back to my body again.
As we shared our experiences, our instructor told us in response to someone’s concerns that what we see is not just a creation of our imagination. It comes to us because it’s what we need to see. It was good to hear her say that, because that had been one of my concerns, especially since I already had a feeling that my power animal was a wolf, but wasn’t sure if I was forcing it to be a wolf in my journey because of that, or if the fact that my power animal was a wolf happened naturally. (If that makes any sense at all.) It was also interesting to note that person in the group who shared her journey before me in the circle also said she’d seen butterflies, a hawk, and a unicorn. :p I was definitely relieved to have seen more than I did on my first journey. I think maybe I needed a greater purpose in my mission other than to just explore in order for me to see anything.
Journey 3 - Sunday August 21, 2005
We met again the next Sunday with more introductory lectures first, and then the journeys. The mission of the third journey was to travel back down to the lower world, find our power animal, and this time ask our power animal for guidance on a question. I went down the same way again, and saw the same lit path leading out to the pasture. I was blinded by the sunlight and saw a few butterflies and bluebirds flying around. I walked directly to the forest, but didn’t see the unicorn this time. I had not trouble finding the door on my own, though. I went back down into the underground cavern seeped in silver light and found Starhawk down there waiting for me alone this time. I asked her if Starhawk was her true name, since two different names had come to me the other day. She didn’t nod, but I just got an overwhelming sense of rightness.
I sat with her in front of the waterfall and she sat next to me. Then suddenly had an overwhelming feeling, not of sadness, but more of lostness, so much so that I almost felt like crying. Starhawk just sat there comforting me and let me hug her until the feeling passed. Starhawk has a very comforting maternal, old spirit, feel to her. I asked if she was my power animal again because we were supposed to double check, and she nodded yes again. Then I remembered the door behind the waterfall but this time got the sense that it would open this time. As I looked towards the waterfall, half of the water suddenly stopped running, revealing the door I’d known would be there. Starhawk seemed to say it was ok to go in and that I was ready for it this time. I crossed the river bed which was now dry and opened the door to a dark torch lit passage. I followed the passage which suddenly opened up into a huge room filled with what looked like sparkling diamonds. It reminded me a little of Uncle Scrooge’s money bin, or the Cave of Wonders in Aladdin, only with diamonds instead of gold. Except that they weren’t diamonds. It felt like whatever it was represented a part of me, maybe my future. I got the sense that I was only being allowed to see a glimpse of it right now and that I wasn’t there yet.
On the far side of the chamber, was another small tunnel leading to a door which led out to the lake, but this time the opposite side of the lake than where I’d been the other day. It was dusk and there was a small patch of forest and the ground was covered in moss. The sky was filled with stars, and a full moon shone overhead again. It was incredibly peaceful and I just stood there for a while enjoying the night.
Then I decided to ask Starhawk my question, but suddenly remembered that I’d forgotten to state my mission statement before starting. I tried to say my mission statement in my head then to make up for it, but I’d become all anxious about forgetting it and then things started to go dark, like a kind of blotchy darkness, and I started to get scared. Starhawk shook her head no as if to say it doesn’t matter that you forgot to say it, it’s the intention that counts. I’d already lost my focus, though, so Starhawk got up from where she was lying down and seemed to say, go ahead and start over again because otherwise it won’t feel right to you. So I went back to the beginning and said my mission statement three times, then climbed down the roots again and raced back to her and everything settled down again.
Then I asked if it was right to pursue a certain relationship I’d been thinking about. I got the sense from her that it was right with my path. I also got images of olives and a cherry for some reason. Then I asked if I should go to CA right now to pursue it, but only got an ambivalent response. She seemed to say it was ok if do or don’t. She wouldn’t really give m an answer either way. When I asked about waiting until TX in January, I seemed to get more affirmative response, and also the sense that there was no rush. I also sensed from her the question, “Why ask questions I already know the answer to?” I get the sense that even though she’s there as a companion and guide for me, I probably shouldn’t expect any quick or easy answers from her. She’s there to help me find the answers for myself, not hand them over to me.
I stood quiet for a bit, but then got that overwhelming lost feeling again and felt like crying again and hugged Starhawk until it passed. The drumming sped up and I hugged Starhawk again and thanked her and told her I’d be back. Then I dove into the lake and climbed up the roots again.
Journey 4 - Sunday August 21, 2005
For this last journey, our mission was to travel to the lower world, find our power animal, and then have our power animal lead us to the upper world to find our spirit guide and ask a specific question. I remembered to say the mission statement this time and climbed down the roots and went along the lit path and this time found Starhawk waiting for me in the pasture at the exit of the cave. She led me straight down the pasture this time instead of toward the forest. We eventually came to a single very tall pole that went all the way up into the sky and had round wood pieces sticking out in all directions parallel to the ground like the rungs of a ladder, but in a random assortment.
I climbed up the pole and punched through the membrane that our instructor had mentioned, then rose above the surface of the clouds to find Starhawk waiting for me at the top again. I was in the middle of a small grassy area with a few clouds scattered along the ground to my left and a forest with tall, thin, elegant trees to my right as opposed to the much stockier, earthier forest in the lower world.
There was a woman waiting in front of the forest with long brown crimped hair (sort of like Princess Leia’s when she had her hair down in the Ewok village in Return of the Jedi) wearing a white gown who I recognized as Eleanore, my spirit guide who’d met in a previous spirit guide meditation a while back. (Check out my 3/11/05 Energy Training entry.) This time I also got the sense that her spiritual name was Dawn. Starhawk jogged along side of me as I walked up to meet her. I asked Starhawk again if she was my guide, just to be sure, and Starhawk said yes. When we got to Eleanore, she and Starhawk bowed to each other like old friends and seemed to be communicating without words. Eleanore had an aura of white light radiating out from her body. I asked her if she was my spirit guide and she said, “Yes, I’ve been waiting for you. Follow me.” I gave her a small bow and thanked her for meeting me, then followed her into the trees with Starhawk following along.
She led us to a small willow grove and we sat down on the grassy ground across from each other under the canopy of one of the trees. Starhawk lay down and rested her head in Eleanore’s lap. I asked again if she was my spirit guide, and she said yes. Then I asked her, “Am I on the right path to fully realize my life purpose?” She responded yes, and Starhawk moved over to sit next to me for a while. Then I asked if the job I’d chosen at the hospital was the right one for my path and she responded, “You are where you need to be.” I think I expressed my concerns about missing out on a good learning opportunity at the other clinic, and she responded that I must start off where I feel comfortable. There’s no need to rush things. The other job can wait. Then I asked about meeting my friend in CA, and she clearly said, he can wait too. I asked her something along the lines about my concerns about not choosing the job where I could do energy work as part of my treatment. And she responded that it was very important for me to keep doing my energy work, even if not at my job. She said don’t stop, keep practicing. And I got an image of practicing my energy healing on my own over the course of the next year, particularly in March for some reason. I asked her if I would realize all my dreams, and she said, “You will get done what you need to get done in this lifetime.” Which seemed to indicate that my universal life path will not be completed in this lifetime, but I will accomplish whatever is necessary for this particular incarnation. She also said something about needing breaking through my own barriers to become the person I wanted to be. She also told me that my spirit guides were within my heart and I should listen to my heart. And that if I follow my heart, I can never be led wrong. (There was a lot of questions and answers being given in this meeting, so not everything I remembered is necessarily in the exact same wording or order that it happened.) Then the drumming sped up and I hugged Eleanore and Starhawk and thanked them, then climbed back down the pole and this time exited the lower world from the same cave that I had come in.
Supplemental Journey - Tuesday August 23, 2005?
Even after the pretty clear answers I’d been given in my previous journeys, I started double guessing my decision not to go to CA again and decided to have another journey to ask for advice again on what I should do. This journey was a bit more unfocused since I felt rushed because it was late at night, and I was also using the drumming CD that came along with my Drumming Experience book which I didn’t like as much as the CD my instructor had used. It was much shorter and the speed of the drums kept changing throughout and the speeding up at the end wasn’t as long or as defined. I still made do with it, though.
I gave my mission statement, went down the roots, found Starhawk waiting for me in the pasture again and went up the pole to the upper world to meet Eleanore in the willow grove again. She said, “You already know what’s in your heart.” And I told her, “But my heart is divided between two things.” To which she responded, “No, there is only one. You must follow your heart.” Not exactly a clear yes or no answer, but like Starhawk, she seems to be there to serve as a guide, not to make decisions for me. Since I had extra time, I also asked her how I could increase my psychic powers and she responded, “Meditate. Love.”
Then the drumming seemed to speed up so I said my goodbyes and thanked them and told them I’d be back later. And I climbed back down the pole and went out through the entrance cave back up the roots. It ended up that the drumming had just sped up a little, though, and wasn’t the really fast drumming at the end, so I’d rushed for nothing. But ah well. It was an even more vague answer than before about CA, but in the end, I’ve decided not to go anyway because of all the money I need for my exam and time and money I need to spend settling and moving into my new house.
It’ll be great if the group of us who took the class really did start meeting regularly. And then we could also practice other things like chakra balancing and seeing auras, etc.
--Moonshadow
Sunday August 14th & 21st, 2005
Back on August 14th and 21st, I took a Shamanic Journeying class offered by the same instructor who’s teaching my chakra balancing class. It was a really neat experience and the people who took the class with me are even talking about having regular monthly meetings to keep practicing it. For the class, our instructor gave us a brief introduction and lecture about shamanism and journeying then explained the exact procedure of how to journey and the precautions to take. Since our instructor was of course partial to chakra balancing, we first prepared ourselves by grounding each other and opening each others heart chakras and third eyes. Then we smudged ourselves and the room. Then lay down with blindfolds over our eyes as we listened to a Shamanic drumming CD which served to put us in trance state for our journey. Then after our journey, we would sit in a circle and share what we’d seen. We did two journeys each day and took a break in between for a pot luck dinner which was nice.
Journey 1 - Sunday August 14, 2005
The purpose of the first journey was simply to explore the lower world, which is where we would find our power animal. (We live in the middle world. And the upper world is where we’d find our spirit guide.) Before starting, we would state our mission statement 3 times, which in this case was to travel to the lower world to explore. Then we needed to find an entry point that we would use every time to get into the lower world, which had to be a real place that we’ve actually been to and that still existed in real life like a cave or a tree that you could follow down into the lower world. I chose Yoda, the tree in the backyard of my childhood house, although I just heard today from my mother that the guy who bought our house hired a team to completely clear out the backyard, including cutting down Yoda. Poor Yoda. :( I’d been worried that that would happen, but Yoda was also already dying. I think he got struck by lightning and that’s why all the branches on that side of the tree were dead or dying, and also the reason the branch broke from under me. Hopefully the deep root system is still there, though, otherwise I’ll have to find another entry point, and Yoda is the only one that seemed right to me. I was really hoping Yoda would always be there for me to maybe visit in the future, even though I didn’t longer lived at the house anymore. Ah well, another lesson in letting go.
I gave my mission statement, I envisioned leaving my body and flying home to my tree, zipping over all the roads, then hopping over the fence and hugging my tree. Then I climbed the roots down into the lower world and ended up in some sort of dark underground cavern. It wasn’t pitch black, and it didn’t feel like the “void” that our instructor has warned us about. But it was still too dark to really see anything and I was afraid to go wandering into the dark to explore. I could feel a dusty ground beneath my feet. I took a few steps away from the entry point, but no farther than that. It wasn’t a scary darkness, but I just had the sense that if I went exploring in the dark, I wouldn’t find anything. I really wasn’t sure what to do there. Our instructor had told us to ask for help if we got stuck, but I felt it was something I had to do on my own. Also, even though I couldn’t really see anything, I felt a tremendous amount of energy flowing through me, to the point where it felt like my entire body was tingling and almost vibrating with it. I simply relaxed and enjoyed the energy. My mind wandered a bit. I might have even drifted to sleep a few times. I got an image in my head of a clipboard at one time, but nothing really changed. Then the drumming music sped up which was an indication to leave and return to our bodies. So I climbed back up the roots and flew back to my body. When we discussed what we’d seen in our circle, most other people had seen all kinds of neat things. Some might have even already gotten glimpses of their power animals. Although there were also a few like me who hadn’t seen much other than darkness.
Journey 2 - Sunday August 14, 2005
We had dinner, then got ready for our second journey. This time, our mission statement was to travel to the lower world in order to retrieve our power animal. In order for it to be our power animal, we had to see it at least 4 times or from 4 different angles and had to ask it 3 times if it was our power animal and get an affirmative response all 3 times. I was bit worried about not being able to see anything again. That’s always my worry when doing things like this. But I repeated my mission statement three times, left my body, flew back over the roads, hopped the fence, hugged my tree, and climbed back down the roots again. I ended up in the same dark, underground cavern, but this time there was a short path lit before me leading out of the cavern to a green pasture. I don’t know where the light was coming from, and there was still dim darkness on either side, but then there was a straight path of dirt that was dimly lit leading right out to the open.
I followed the path out to the pasture and was blinded by the bright sunlight. As I began walking through the pasture, a few butterflies fluttered by and an eagle or hawk soared high overhead. I noticed a forest on my right and felt drawn to it. I entered the forest which was a sort of old growth forest with enormous trees and lots of sunlight dappling through the canopy. Some of the roots were even as tall as me. As I walked, I saw a white unicorn lying down on the ground behind a large rock behind one of the trees. It was almost as if I was looking at the unicorn from someone else’s perspective, because the way I was walking, the unicorn would have been completely hidden from me. I got the sense that the unicorn wasn’t my power animal, though, and walked on. But visions of the unicorn kept coming back to me, so I turned around and walked over to her. I sensed that she gave me permission to pet her and I pet her nose and asked her if she was my power animal just in case to which she responded no. I just got the sense of the answer, though, since she didn’t speak in words. Then I asked if she would lead me and she responded yes and lead me to the base of a tree that had a small round door with two shutters in the roots. I thanked the unicorn and opened the doors and climbed through. The unicorn stayed behind.
The door ended up leading to another large underground cavern, but unlike the other one which had a dusty floor and was hidden in dim darkness, this cavern had a rocky floor and was dark as night, but brightly lit by the walls which were covered with a sparkling silver light. It was as if all the stalagmites and stalactites and the walls were covered in a sort of fairy dust or fragments of diamonds, although I knew whatever it was wasn’t jewels or precious stones. Ahead of me was an underground river running along the wall of the cavern with a waterfall streaming right into the middle of the river directly ahead of me. And even though I was underground, I could see stars overhead rather than the roof of the cave.
I stood there in the cavern, not sure where to go next. There appeared to be dead ends on either side and only the river, waterfall, and wall straight ahead. Then two grey wolves came to me. I got the sense that one of their names started with an “S.” Then they disappeared and came back again. I got the sense that one was a female named, Stardancer, and the other was a male named, Moonbeam.
I sat down on the ground facing the waterfall with Stardancer resting her head on my shoulder from behind and Moonbeam laying down on my right side. I got the sense that Stardancer was my power animal, but Moonbeam was not and was Stardancer’s mate or friend or brother. I asked her and she bowed her head yes.
I got the sense that there was a heavy, dark, wooden door (probably dark red or black) behind the waterfall, but that I wasn’t meant to go through it yet. I knew that I would probably still be able to open it, but if I did, all I would find was darkness behind it which I’d be unable to explore, similar to the darkness I experienced on my first journey. Instead, I just sat enjoying the waterfall and stars.
I finally asked Stardancer if there was somewhere that I was supposed to go. She lead me off to the left down a path along the river that I hadn’t noticed before. Moonbeam stayed behind. As we walked, I asked her again if she was my power animal and she nodded yes again. And I got the sense that her name wasn’t Stardancer, but Starhawk. The path dead ended at a pile of boulders which appeared to be blocking an exit because I could see the sunlight and green grass and a forest peeking in through the cracks. I knew I was supposed to get through somehow in order to continue my journey. I looked back at Starhawk and she went and laid down a few feet away as if to say, I’m here with you, but you need to get through on your own.
I stared at the boulders for a long time trying to figure out a way to get through. I was worried that if I started removing rocks, the whole thing would come collapsing down on me. I finally managed to remove enough rocks from the top left corner for me and Starhawk to crawl through. It was dark by that time, and I saw a small forest to my right, but straight ahead was a large placid lake with a bright full moon shining over it. We walked to the edge of the lake and as I stared out wondering what I needed to do next, the drumming sped up.
I asked Starhawk one more time if she was my power animal and she nodded yes once again. Then I asked if she’d be there when I returned, and she nodded again. Then I dove right into the middle of the lake which led me back to the roots to climb back home and sped back to my body again.
As we shared our experiences, our instructor told us in response to someone’s concerns that what we see is not just a creation of our imagination. It comes to us because it’s what we need to see. It was good to hear her say that, because that had been one of my concerns, especially since I already had a feeling that my power animal was a wolf, but wasn’t sure if I was forcing it to be a wolf in my journey because of that, or if the fact that my power animal was a wolf happened naturally. (If that makes any sense at all.) It was also interesting to note that person in the group who shared her journey before me in the circle also said she’d seen butterflies, a hawk, and a unicorn. :p I was definitely relieved to have seen more than I did on my first journey. I think maybe I needed a greater purpose in my mission other than to just explore in order for me to see anything.
Journey 3 - Sunday August 21, 2005
We met again the next Sunday with more introductory lectures first, and then the journeys. The mission of the third journey was to travel back down to the lower world, find our power animal, and this time ask our power animal for guidance on a question. I went down the same way again, and saw the same lit path leading out to the pasture. I was blinded by the sunlight and saw a few butterflies and bluebirds flying around. I walked directly to the forest, but didn’t see the unicorn this time. I had not trouble finding the door on my own, though. I went back down into the underground cavern seeped in silver light and found Starhawk down there waiting for me alone this time. I asked her if Starhawk was her true name, since two different names had come to me the other day. She didn’t nod, but I just got an overwhelming sense of rightness.
I sat with her in front of the waterfall and she sat next to me. Then suddenly had an overwhelming feeling, not of sadness, but more of lostness, so much so that I almost felt like crying. Starhawk just sat there comforting me and let me hug her until the feeling passed. Starhawk has a very comforting maternal, old spirit, feel to her. I asked if she was my power animal again because we were supposed to double check, and she nodded yes again. Then I remembered the door behind the waterfall but this time got the sense that it would open this time. As I looked towards the waterfall, half of the water suddenly stopped running, revealing the door I’d known would be there. Starhawk seemed to say it was ok to go in and that I was ready for it this time. I crossed the river bed which was now dry and opened the door to a dark torch lit passage. I followed the passage which suddenly opened up into a huge room filled with what looked like sparkling diamonds. It reminded me a little of Uncle Scrooge’s money bin, or the Cave of Wonders in Aladdin, only with diamonds instead of gold. Except that they weren’t diamonds. It felt like whatever it was represented a part of me, maybe my future. I got the sense that I was only being allowed to see a glimpse of it right now and that I wasn’t there yet.
On the far side of the chamber, was another small tunnel leading to a door which led out to the lake, but this time the opposite side of the lake than where I’d been the other day. It was dusk and there was a small patch of forest and the ground was covered in moss. The sky was filled with stars, and a full moon shone overhead again. It was incredibly peaceful and I just stood there for a while enjoying the night.
Then I decided to ask Starhawk my question, but suddenly remembered that I’d forgotten to state my mission statement before starting. I tried to say my mission statement in my head then to make up for it, but I’d become all anxious about forgetting it and then things started to go dark, like a kind of blotchy darkness, and I started to get scared. Starhawk shook her head no as if to say it doesn’t matter that you forgot to say it, it’s the intention that counts. I’d already lost my focus, though, so Starhawk got up from where she was lying down and seemed to say, go ahead and start over again because otherwise it won’t feel right to you. So I went back to the beginning and said my mission statement three times, then climbed down the roots again and raced back to her and everything settled down again.
Then I asked if it was right to pursue a certain relationship I’d been thinking about. I got the sense from her that it was right with my path. I also got images of olives and a cherry for some reason. Then I asked if I should go to CA right now to pursue it, but only got an ambivalent response. She seemed to say it was ok if do or don’t. She wouldn’t really give m an answer either way. When I asked about waiting until TX in January, I seemed to get more affirmative response, and also the sense that there was no rush. I also sensed from her the question, “Why ask questions I already know the answer to?” I get the sense that even though she’s there as a companion and guide for me, I probably shouldn’t expect any quick or easy answers from her. She’s there to help me find the answers for myself, not hand them over to me.
I stood quiet for a bit, but then got that overwhelming lost feeling again and felt like crying again and hugged Starhawk until it passed. The drumming sped up and I hugged Starhawk again and thanked her and told her I’d be back. Then I dove into the lake and climbed up the roots again.
Journey 4 - Sunday August 21, 2005
For this last journey, our mission was to travel to the lower world, find our power animal, and then have our power animal lead us to the upper world to find our spirit guide and ask a specific question. I remembered to say the mission statement this time and climbed down the roots and went along the lit path and this time found Starhawk waiting for me in the pasture at the exit of the cave. She led me straight down the pasture this time instead of toward the forest. We eventually came to a single very tall pole that went all the way up into the sky and had round wood pieces sticking out in all directions parallel to the ground like the rungs of a ladder, but in a random assortment.
I climbed up the pole and punched through the membrane that our instructor had mentioned, then rose above the surface of the clouds to find Starhawk waiting for me at the top again. I was in the middle of a small grassy area with a few clouds scattered along the ground to my left and a forest with tall, thin, elegant trees to my right as opposed to the much stockier, earthier forest in the lower world.
There was a woman waiting in front of the forest with long brown crimped hair (sort of like Princess Leia’s when she had her hair down in the Ewok village in Return of the Jedi) wearing a white gown who I recognized as Eleanore, my spirit guide who’d met in a previous spirit guide meditation a while back. (Check out my 3/11/05 Energy Training entry.) This time I also got the sense that her spiritual name was Dawn. Starhawk jogged along side of me as I walked up to meet her. I asked Starhawk again if she was my guide, just to be sure, and Starhawk said yes. When we got to Eleanore, she and Starhawk bowed to each other like old friends and seemed to be communicating without words. Eleanore had an aura of white light radiating out from her body. I asked her if she was my spirit guide and she said, “Yes, I’ve been waiting for you. Follow me.” I gave her a small bow and thanked her for meeting me, then followed her into the trees with Starhawk following along.
She led us to a small willow grove and we sat down on the grassy ground across from each other under the canopy of one of the trees. Starhawk lay down and rested her head in Eleanore’s lap. I asked again if she was my spirit guide, and she said yes. Then I asked her, “Am I on the right path to fully realize my life purpose?” She responded yes, and Starhawk moved over to sit next to me for a while. Then I asked if the job I’d chosen at the hospital was the right one for my path and she responded, “You are where you need to be.” I think I expressed my concerns about missing out on a good learning opportunity at the other clinic, and she responded that I must start off where I feel comfortable. There’s no need to rush things. The other job can wait. Then I asked about meeting my friend in CA, and she clearly said, he can wait too. I asked her something along the lines about my concerns about not choosing the job where I could do energy work as part of my treatment. And she responded that it was very important for me to keep doing my energy work, even if not at my job. She said don’t stop, keep practicing. And I got an image of practicing my energy healing on my own over the course of the next year, particularly in March for some reason. I asked her if I would realize all my dreams, and she said, “You will get done what you need to get done in this lifetime.” Which seemed to indicate that my universal life path will not be completed in this lifetime, but I will accomplish whatever is necessary for this particular incarnation. She also said something about needing breaking through my own barriers to become the person I wanted to be. She also told me that my spirit guides were within my heart and I should listen to my heart. And that if I follow my heart, I can never be led wrong. (There was a lot of questions and answers being given in this meeting, so not everything I remembered is necessarily in the exact same wording or order that it happened.) Then the drumming sped up and I hugged Eleanore and Starhawk and thanked them, then climbed back down the pole and this time exited the lower world from the same cave that I had come in.
Supplemental Journey - Tuesday August 23, 2005?
Even after the pretty clear answers I’d been given in my previous journeys, I started double guessing my decision not to go to CA again and decided to have another journey to ask for advice again on what I should do. This journey was a bit more unfocused since I felt rushed because it was late at night, and I was also using the drumming CD that came along with my Drumming Experience book which I didn’t like as much as the CD my instructor had used. It was much shorter and the speed of the drums kept changing throughout and the speeding up at the end wasn’t as long or as defined. I still made do with it, though.
I gave my mission statement, went down the roots, found Starhawk waiting for me in the pasture again and went up the pole to the upper world to meet Eleanore in the willow grove again. She said, “You already know what’s in your heart.” And I told her, “But my heart is divided between two things.” To which she responded, “No, there is only one. You must follow your heart.” Not exactly a clear yes or no answer, but like Starhawk, she seems to be there to serve as a guide, not to make decisions for me. Since I had extra time, I also asked her how I could increase my psychic powers and she responded, “Meditate. Love.”
Then the drumming seemed to speed up so I said my goodbyes and thanked them and told them I’d be back later. And I climbed back down the pole and went out through the entrance cave back up the roots. It ended up that the drumming had just sped up a little, though, and wasn’t the really fast drumming at the end, so I’d rushed for nothing. But ah well. It was an even more vague answer than before about CA, but in the end, I’ve decided not to go anyway because of all the money I need for my exam and time and money I need to spend settling and moving into my new house.
It’ll be great if the group of us who took the class really did start meeting regularly. And then we could also practice other things like chakra balancing and seeing auras, etc.
--Moonshadow