More Catching Up and Random Thoughts
Thursday July 14, 2005 ~ 6:50 am
Wednesday July 13, 2005
I still need to catch up on my Gathering and Jedi Meeting updates, but I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. I know I have to do it soon before I forget everything, but in the mean time, I figured I’d catch up on some more recent happenings again first.
Martial Arts Tutoring
Let’s see, where to begin? The guy I’m supposed to tutor in self-defense canceled on me again. Sunday I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to tutor him until later that night, but then he called back and canceled completely and we rescheduled for Thursday. But then he called me today and cancelled Thursday too saying he wasn’t sure when he’d be free again. Neither my sister nor my sensei feel comfortable about me teaching the guy alone. I don’t get any bad vibes from him, unless he turn stalkerish on me. He’s 30, Jewish, and I’m pretty sure single, so who knows? Maybe he is using this as a dating service. Based on my conversations with him, though, I think it’s much more likely that he wanted a female instructor because she’d probably be much less intimidating than a man. We’ve also changed the times and location so many times that it’s removed my concerns about him trying to hold the lesson in a secluded place at night. I completely forgot to call him back tonight, so I’ll have to call him tomorrow to find out when he wants to reschedule for.
Chakra Balancing
Went back to my first chakra balancing class since before my Gathering trip. It’s only been two weeks, but it seems like forever. Met up with one of my friends early to catch up on what I’d missed at the last class. Luckily there was no class on July 5th, so I only missed one class rather than two during my week and a half away. Class this week was fun, though. We did some TMJ flows and etheric healing. Since the throat chakra, which is blue, is the root of the etheric body, (the perfect auric body in which the physical body exists), we worked on running blue energy. Since my aura is already naturally blue, it’s always very easy for me to run blue. When we were practicing running blue during our beginning resonation, our instructor startled me by telling everyone to look at me if they wanted to see a great example of a blue aura. She said everyone had successfully turned their auras blue, but some like mine were actually flashing. I wish I could have seen it. :p I wish I could turn all colors that easily. The lower colors like red are especially hard for me. I want to practice with someone who can see auras easily and can give me feedback on if I’m doing it or not.
Healing Injuries
I was hoping to get some healing done on my leg, but there wasn’t any time. The top part of the bruise is almost gone and most of the remaining bruising is just above my knee. It’s still tender to touch and a bit stiff and sore when I walk, though. I can also still feel large lumps under my skin. And the lateral part of my knee feels bruised even though there’s no actual bruising showing. I didn’t get hit in the knee at all, so I still think it’s just some of the inflammation settling down there. It should hopefully pass in another week. One thing I’m thankful for is that the bruise isn’t itching as much. I’ve never had a bruise itch before, but this one was driving me absolutely insane from day 1, and especially Friday when I was already completely miserable. Now it seems to have finally settled down, although it’ll still start itching again every once in a while.
My ankle is completely fine now from when my dad dropped the desk table on it, although the bruise is still incredibly tender to touch. The bruise on my left thigh from when I got kicked in the leg is also almost gone. I still can’t fully grasp with my left index finger where it was repeatedly bashed with shinais by multiple people. The MCP joints of my left index and ring finger is only a little sore, though. I have a couple really dark bruises all around my right bicep which people keep commenting on. I guess I got those from the shinai too since I tend to keep a right side fighting stance when sparring with shinais and left side fighting stance when sparring hand to hand. I had a small bruise on my left arm, but that was on the inside of my arm so more hidden. The bruises on my arm aren’t even tender to touch, though. I know my finger will heal with time, and my arm bruises don’t bother me at all. I just hope those lumps in my leg eventually break up and aren’t permanent. I don’t mind getting hurt. I just don’t like causing myself permanent damage. I guess time will tell.
Way of the Peaceful Warrior
Finished reading Way of the Peaceful Warrior today. I’ve been wanting to read that book forever. I finally got it just before the Gathering and started reading it when I got back home. Definitely a good book. A lot of the things I already follow, but it was good inspiration to keep me motivated on following my path. A good reminder to help keep me focused through all the extra junk I’m struggling through right now.
Dream
I awoke this morning from a very vivid dream. I don’t remember what the whole first part was about, but in the part that I do remember, I woke up in the morning and happened to look out the dining room window into the backyard and was shocked to see Brandel and Saan out there sparring with shinais. The first thought that came to my mind was that Saan had returned to train me and brought Brandel along maybe for testing. I figured they were just fooling around out there until it reached a civil hour to knock on the door. I rushed back to my room, my heart racing, to change clothes and go out to talk to them. Then I woke up for real and for a moment debated whether they really were out there or not, but then sadly realized it was just a dream.
I think the dream definitely came from a number of sources, number one being the fact that I’ve recently been looking over pictures from the Michigan Gathering from a year ago which actually does have a picture of Brandel and Saan sparring. Also, due to my recent visit with Brandel, both Brandel and Saan have been on my mind lately. Funnily enough, the same morning I had the dream, I received an e-mail from Brandel in response to a question I’d sent him a few days earlier.
I think the deepest reason for the dream, however, and the primary reason for my recent thoughts about Saan, is my renewed desire to train with him. At the Michigan Gathering, out of curiosity I asked Saan the sense me. I expected him to most likely be able to delve beneath my surface happiness at the Gathering to pick up my underlying feelings of hurt over my recent second banning from Jediism. Instead, he surprised me by telling me that what he sensed was “longing.” At first I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about and was ready to brush him off as being completely wrong, but then I remembered the deep longing for “something more” which is what brought me to the Jedi path in the first place. The longing to grow beyond what I was, to find a higher purpose than this mundane existence, to strive for some kind of higher level of being, to attain a greater connection with all things, to find that “something more” that was lacking in my life that I needed to feel complete and whole again.
Saan and I talked a lot that weekend and he offered to mentor me and asked if I wanted to be his student. I carefully discussed with him what he thought that would entail before agreeing because I knew he followed a slightly different path than mine. Even still, I felt he could help bring me closer to the things I was looking for. We had plans to meet up again while I was in North Carolina that fall. We talked a few times on the phone, but then he vanished and even his phone was no longer in service. Even Brandel only heard from him every once in a long while.
Life got busy for me too. I was content to wait until he felt ready to contact me again. But then the recent Gathering in Ohio and my experiences afterwards have reawakened that old longing. Brandel mentioned that the best way to get in touch with Saan was through e-mail, but even that was sporadic. I decided to give it a shot and sent Saan an e-mail a few days after returning from the Gathering. I still haven’t gotten a response, and don’t expect to any time soon, but it still makes me wonder if the dream was just a dream, or more of a message.
Job Interview
Finally went for my first semi-job interview today. One of the people in my chakra balancing class is a physical therapy assistant at an outpatient rehab and pain clinic and said they were looking for physical therapists. At first I didn’t really pay it much mind because I was mainly interested in working in a hospital setting, but then she mentioned that they let her do energy work on her patients and she combines it with her physical therapy treatments so it’s still billable. She gave the head PT my resume for me and he got in touch with me just before the Gathering. We discussed a few things and I told him I’d call back and set up a visit/interview date once I got back in town.
I called Monday and played phone tag until he finally left a message with my sister Tuesday night saying that I could visit Wed at noon. The problem is that I had already discussed visiting Thursday with my friend. So I called Wednesday morning at 8 am to confirm whether I should come Wed or Thurs. He didn’t end up calling me back until 11 am, so I told him I’d be there at 12:30 instead of 12. I ended up staying at the office for nearly 6 hours, but didn’t end up having an official interview. The head physician who founded the clinic will be the one to interview me. I’ll probably set up that interview for sometime next week.
The practice had a lot of pros and cons. The pros are that the practice is wellness centered. They are open to energy work and even have an acupuncturist on the staff. They have a whole team of people working with them including social workers and psychotherapists. The people are nice and the setting is non-intimidating and laid back. Also, they will not only pay for continuing education classes, but they are also very lenient about giving the time off to take them. Not sure if it’s time off with pay, but it’s still very cool that I get the time off, especially since most of the courses I want to take are week long courses and cost over a thousand dollars. I also get to pretty much name my salary, within reason of course, and perhaps also vacation time. Getting time off for continuing ed courses and paid vacation time will be incredibly essential if I plan to go to the Barbara Brennan School of Healing next year, which requires 5 resident weeks each year for four years. That’s a heck of a lot of time off to ask for, not to mention the time off I need for Jewish holidays, Gatherings, sick days, physical therapy related courses, and then just plain vacation time. So having all that time built in definitely eases my mind a bit. Also, because the practice is physician run, the rules restricting number of patient visits and stuff like that aren’t as strict. So there’s less risk of being forced to discharge a patient before they’ve achieved their maximal benefit from therapy. Of course, then there’s the risk of them staying long after their maximal benefit has been achieved. They also desperately need physical therapists, but not so desperately that I have to start working tomorrow or they’ll find someone else. I can pretty much choose whatever date I want to start. Also the majority of therapists working there are incredibly knowledgeable in energy work and manual therapy type stuff and related fields, so there’s a lot I can learn from them.
The cons are that the gym is incredibly small which really cuts down on a lot of treatment options for patients. Also, the majority of patients are chronic pain patients with psych issues and drug abuse problems. I really don’t know if I’m prepared to handle that just yet as a brand new grad. The job can also be very depressing because chronic pain patients are much less likely to show improvement, or even if they do improve, are much less likely to try to hinder progress because they fear it will mean they will no longer get their pain medication. The office also doesn’t seem very organized. There seems to be a lot of communication problems. I’ve also heard horror stories about the head physician, but fortunately he runs the Towson office and I plan to be working in the Owings Mills office where they don’t have to deal with him as much and which is local to me, or not at all. I’m also still a little bit wary about how billing will work out. The head PT mentioned that he actually left another job partly because of dishonest billing, so I feel like they’re pretty straight forward there, but it still seems to be bending the rules a bit to manage to bill energy work under physical therapy charges. They usually bill under neuromuscular re-education or cranial sacral therapy, which I guess could fit in certain cases, so I’ll see. I’m also rather concerned about being a physical therapist with zero years experience, yet having the role of monitoring and evaluating patients for the physical therapy assistants who have nearly 10 years of experience under their belts. Also, the clinic is very manual therapy centered, which is something I’m very interested in, but have no real clinical experience in. I feel that with the type of patients they treat and the type of work they do, I may be a little out of my league. I’ll also be the only other physical therapist in the office, so there will be a lot more pressure on me to be a leader right away rather than simply following a team of already experienced therapists. And now that I’m no longer in school, work is one of the few places where I’m going to meet new people, but most of the people working there are much older with kids and families already, so it won’t really be a good source for friends around my age and stage in life. If I worked at a hospital, there would be a lot of other new grads, more therapists to learn from and get support from, and more learning opportunities. Not to mention I’m MUCH more comfortable doing neuro and post-surgical rehab treatments than outpatient pain management and orthopedic.
I think I’ll definitely interview with the office, find out what they have to offer me, be straight forward with my desire to go to the Barbara Brennan School of Healing and see if they’re on board with that, and then interview at a few local hospitals and make my decision by the end of the month, although I don’t plan to start working until late September at the very earliest. A part of me is looking forward to entering this new phase of my life. Earning a real salary. Becoming fully independent. Working in a field where I will be continually learning and growing and helping people. But the other half of me is dragging my feet and is filled with anxiety and trepidation about this next step. I should be happy and confident. I’m graduating at a time when physical therapists are in huge demand and the supply is practically non-existent. I can pretty much name my price and work anywhere I choose. Interviews are little more than a formality. Yet I’m plagued by insecurity. Insecurity about my knowledge and skills, especially in the outpatient setting. Insecurity about my ability to pass the licensure exam. Insecurity about whether I’m following the right path or not.
I chose my career well. It was carefully calculated and well thought out. I earned my doctorate degree and entered a profession that is respected in the community, gets a good salary, has fairly good hours, and most importantly fulfills my need to be in a profession of continual learning and helping others. But I still feel energy healing is my true path and I wonder if I’m sacrificing that for the more socially acceptable and financially secure career. Then again, I don’t think I would be happy doing energy healing as a career. I want to learn it more as a personal thing to be able to help others, not to earn a living off of it.
I know I made the right choice with physical therapy. I really can’t imagine being truly happy in any other job. (Even though I always loved being a cashier. :p) I get to interact with patients, get to teach them, get to help heal them. But I think a lot of my concern comes from my worries over whether I’m being forced to choose one path over the other. I’m worried about being able to get the time off to go to the Barbara Brennan School of Healing, while still being considered a full time employee so I can get medical benefits. And if I don’t start next year at the earliest, I’ll be over 30 by the time I finish, and then I’m worried about having kids so late. And then once I have kids, I definitely won’t be able to just take a week off to go to Florida five times a year. And then if I wait until my kids are older, that’s a whole 15-25 years from now and not only do I not want to wait that long, but then I may also not have the money because I’ll be busy paying for my kids’ college tuitions. I know I’m getting a bit ahead of myself, but I just don’t want to have to make a choice between one or the other. Energy healing is something I want to learn and grow with now so I can actually use it and share it in those intermediate years.
I think there was more I wanted to write, but I’m really falling asleep right now, so time for bed. Hope this journal entry was somewhat coherent. Night to all. *Hugs*
--Moonshadow
Wednesday July 13, 2005
I still need to catch up on my Gathering and Jedi Meeting updates, but I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. I know I have to do it soon before I forget everything, but in the mean time, I figured I’d catch up on some more recent happenings again first.
Martial Arts Tutoring
Let’s see, where to begin? The guy I’m supposed to tutor in self-defense canceled on me again. Sunday I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to tutor him until later that night, but then he called back and canceled completely and we rescheduled for Thursday. But then he called me today and cancelled Thursday too saying he wasn’t sure when he’d be free again. Neither my sister nor my sensei feel comfortable about me teaching the guy alone. I don’t get any bad vibes from him, unless he turn stalkerish on me. He’s 30, Jewish, and I’m pretty sure single, so who knows? Maybe he is using this as a dating service. Based on my conversations with him, though, I think it’s much more likely that he wanted a female instructor because she’d probably be much less intimidating than a man. We’ve also changed the times and location so many times that it’s removed my concerns about him trying to hold the lesson in a secluded place at night. I completely forgot to call him back tonight, so I’ll have to call him tomorrow to find out when he wants to reschedule for.
Chakra Balancing
Went back to my first chakra balancing class since before my Gathering trip. It’s only been two weeks, but it seems like forever. Met up with one of my friends early to catch up on what I’d missed at the last class. Luckily there was no class on July 5th, so I only missed one class rather than two during my week and a half away. Class this week was fun, though. We did some TMJ flows and etheric healing. Since the throat chakra, which is blue, is the root of the etheric body, (the perfect auric body in which the physical body exists), we worked on running blue energy. Since my aura is already naturally blue, it’s always very easy for me to run blue. When we were practicing running blue during our beginning resonation, our instructor startled me by telling everyone to look at me if they wanted to see a great example of a blue aura. She said everyone had successfully turned their auras blue, but some like mine were actually flashing. I wish I could have seen it. :p I wish I could turn all colors that easily. The lower colors like red are especially hard for me. I want to practice with someone who can see auras easily and can give me feedback on if I’m doing it or not.
Healing Injuries
I was hoping to get some healing done on my leg, but there wasn’t any time. The top part of the bruise is almost gone and most of the remaining bruising is just above my knee. It’s still tender to touch and a bit stiff and sore when I walk, though. I can also still feel large lumps under my skin. And the lateral part of my knee feels bruised even though there’s no actual bruising showing. I didn’t get hit in the knee at all, so I still think it’s just some of the inflammation settling down there. It should hopefully pass in another week. One thing I’m thankful for is that the bruise isn’t itching as much. I’ve never had a bruise itch before, but this one was driving me absolutely insane from day 1, and especially Friday when I was already completely miserable. Now it seems to have finally settled down, although it’ll still start itching again every once in a while.
My ankle is completely fine now from when my dad dropped the desk table on it, although the bruise is still incredibly tender to touch. The bruise on my left thigh from when I got kicked in the leg is also almost gone. I still can’t fully grasp with my left index finger where it was repeatedly bashed with shinais by multiple people. The MCP joints of my left index and ring finger is only a little sore, though. I have a couple really dark bruises all around my right bicep which people keep commenting on. I guess I got those from the shinai too since I tend to keep a right side fighting stance when sparring with shinais and left side fighting stance when sparring hand to hand. I had a small bruise on my left arm, but that was on the inside of my arm so more hidden. The bruises on my arm aren’t even tender to touch, though. I know my finger will heal with time, and my arm bruises don’t bother me at all. I just hope those lumps in my leg eventually break up and aren’t permanent. I don’t mind getting hurt. I just don’t like causing myself permanent damage. I guess time will tell.
Way of the Peaceful Warrior
Finished reading Way of the Peaceful Warrior today. I’ve been wanting to read that book forever. I finally got it just before the Gathering and started reading it when I got back home. Definitely a good book. A lot of the things I already follow, but it was good inspiration to keep me motivated on following my path. A good reminder to help keep me focused through all the extra junk I’m struggling through right now.
Dream
I awoke this morning from a very vivid dream. I don’t remember what the whole first part was about, but in the part that I do remember, I woke up in the morning and happened to look out the dining room window into the backyard and was shocked to see Brandel and Saan out there sparring with shinais. The first thought that came to my mind was that Saan had returned to train me and brought Brandel along maybe for testing. I figured they were just fooling around out there until it reached a civil hour to knock on the door. I rushed back to my room, my heart racing, to change clothes and go out to talk to them. Then I woke up for real and for a moment debated whether they really were out there or not, but then sadly realized it was just a dream.
I think the dream definitely came from a number of sources, number one being the fact that I’ve recently been looking over pictures from the Michigan Gathering from a year ago which actually does have a picture of Brandel and Saan sparring. Also, due to my recent visit with Brandel, both Brandel and Saan have been on my mind lately. Funnily enough, the same morning I had the dream, I received an e-mail from Brandel in response to a question I’d sent him a few days earlier.
I think the deepest reason for the dream, however, and the primary reason for my recent thoughts about Saan, is my renewed desire to train with him. At the Michigan Gathering, out of curiosity I asked Saan the sense me. I expected him to most likely be able to delve beneath my surface happiness at the Gathering to pick up my underlying feelings of hurt over my recent second banning from Jediism. Instead, he surprised me by telling me that what he sensed was “longing.” At first I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about and was ready to brush him off as being completely wrong, but then I remembered the deep longing for “something more” which is what brought me to the Jedi path in the first place. The longing to grow beyond what I was, to find a higher purpose than this mundane existence, to strive for some kind of higher level of being, to attain a greater connection with all things, to find that “something more” that was lacking in my life that I needed to feel complete and whole again.
Saan and I talked a lot that weekend and he offered to mentor me and asked if I wanted to be his student. I carefully discussed with him what he thought that would entail before agreeing because I knew he followed a slightly different path than mine. Even still, I felt he could help bring me closer to the things I was looking for. We had plans to meet up again while I was in North Carolina that fall. We talked a few times on the phone, but then he vanished and even his phone was no longer in service. Even Brandel only heard from him every once in a long while.
Life got busy for me too. I was content to wait until he felt ready to contact me again. But then the recent Gathering in Ohio and my experiences afterwards have reawakened that old longing. Brandel mentioned that the best way to get in touch with Saan was through e-mail, but even that was sporadic. I decided to give it a shot and sent Saan an e-mail a few days after returning from the Gathering. I still haven’t gotten a response, and don’t expect to any time soon, but it still makes me wonder if the dream was just a dream, or more of a message.
Job Interview
Finally went for my first semi-job interview today. One of the people in my chakra balancing class is a physical therapy assistant at an outpatient rehab and pain clinic and said they were looking for physical therapists. At first I didn’t really pay it much mind because I was mainly interested in working in a hospital setting, but then she mentioned that they let her do energy work on her patients and she combines it with her physical therapy treatments so it’s still billable. She gave the head PT my resume for me and he got in touch with me just before the Gathering. We discussed a few things and I told him I’d call back and set up a visit/interview date once I got back in town.
I called Monday and played phone tag until he finally left a message with my sister Tuesday night saying that I could visit Wed at noon. The problem is that I had already discussed visiting Thursday with my friend. So I called Wednesday morning at 8 am to confirm whether I should come Wed or Thurs. He didn’t end up calling me back until 11 am, so I told him I’d be there at 12:30 instead of 12. I ended up staying at the office for nearly 6 hours, but didn’t end up having an official interview. The head physician who founded the clinic will be the one to interview me. I’ll probably set up that interview for sometime next week.
The practice had a lot of pros and cons. The pros are that the practice is wellness centered. They are open to energy work and even have an acupuncturist on the staff. They have a whole team of people working with them including social workers and psychotherapists. The people are nice and the setting is non-intimidating and laid back. Also, they will not only pay for continuing education classes, but they are also very lenient about giving the time off to take them. Not sure if it’s time off with pay, but it’s still very cool that I get the time off, especially since most of the courses I want to take are week long courses and cost over a thousand dollars. I also get to pretty much name my salary, within reason of course, and perhaps also vacation time. Getting time off for continuing ed courses and paid vacation time will be incredibly essential if I plan to go to the Barbara Brennan School of Healing next year, which requires 5 resident weeks each year for four years. That’s a heck of a lot of time off to ask for, not to mention the time off I need for Jewish holidays, Gatherings, sick days, physical therapy related courses, and then just plain vacation time. So having all that time built in definitely eases my mind a bit. Also, because the practice is physician run, the rules restricting number of patient visits and stuff like that aren’t as strict. So there’s less risk of being forced to discharge a patient before they’ve achieved their maximal benefit from therapy. Of course, then there’s the risk of them staying long after their maximal benefit has been achieved. They also desperately need physical therapists, but not so desperately that I have to start working tomorrow or they’ll find someone else. I can pretty much choose whatever date I want to start. Also the majority of therapists working there are incredibly knowledgeable in energy work and manual therapy type stuff and related fields, so there’s a lot I can learn from them.
The cons are that the gym is incredibly small which really cuts down on a lot of treatment options for patients. Also, the majority of patients are chronic pain patients with psych issues and drug abuse problems. I really don’t know if I’m prepared to handle that just yet as a brand new grad. The job can also be very depressing because chronic pain patients are much less likely to show improvement, or even if they do improve, are much less likely to try to hinder progress because they fear it will mean they will no longer get their pain medication. The office also doesn’t seem very organized. There seems to be a lot of communication problems. I’ve also heard horror stories about the head physician, but fortunately he runs the Towson office and I plan to be working in the Owings Mills office where they don’t have to deal with him as much and which is local to me, or not at all. I’m also still a little bit wary about how billing will work out. The head PT mentioned that he actually left another job partly because of dishonest billing, so I feel like they’re pretty straight forward there, but it still seems to be bending the rules a bit to manage to bill energy work under physical therapy charges. They usually bill under neuromuscular re-education or cranial sacral therapy, which I guess could fit in certain cases, so I’ll see. I’m also rather concerned about being a physical therapist with zero years experience, yet having the role of monitoring and evaluating patients for the physical therapy assistants who have nearly 10 years of experience under their belts. Also, the clinic is very manual therapy centered, which is something I’m very interested in, but have no real clinical experience in. I feel that with the type of patients they treat and the type of work they do, I may be a little out of my league. I’ll also be the only other physical therapist in the office, so there will be a lot more pressure on me to be a leader right away rather than simply following a team of already experienced therapists. And now that I’m no longer in school, work is one of the few places where I’m going to meet new people, but most of the people working there are much older with kids and families already, so it won’t really be a good source for friends around my age and stage in life. If I worked at a hospital, there would be a lot of other new grads, more therapists to learn from and get support from, and more learning opportunities. Not to mention I’m MUCH more comfortable doing neuro and post-surgical rehab treatments than outpatient pain management and orthopedic.
I think I’ll definitely interview with the office, find out what they have to offer me, be straight forward with my desire to go to the Barbara Brennan School of Healing and see if they’re on board with that, and then interview at a few local hospitals and make my decision by the end of the month, although I don’t plan to start working until late September at the very earliest. A part of me is looking forward to entering this new phase of my life. Earning a real salary. Becoming fully independent. Working in a field where I will be continually learning and growing and helping people. But the other half of me is dragging my feet and is filled with anxiety and trepidation about this next step. I should be happy and confident. I’m graduating at a time when physical therapists are in huge demand and the supply is practically non-existent. I can pretty much name my price and work anywhere I choose. Interviews are little more than a formality. Yet I’m plagued by insecurity. Insecurity about my knowledge and skills, especially in the outpatient setting. Insecurity about my ability to pass the licensure exam. Insecurity about whether I’m following the right path or not.
I chose my career well. It was carefully calculated and well thought out. I earned my doctorate degree and entered a profession that is respected in the community, gets a good salary, has fairly good hours, and most importantly fulfills my need to be in a profession of continual learning and helping others. But I still feel energy healing is my true path and I wonder if I’m sacrificing that for the more socially acceptable and financially secure career. Then again, I don’t think I would be happy doing energy healing as a career. I want to learn it more as a personal thing to be able to help others, not to earn a living off of it.
I know I made the right choice with physical therapy. I really can’t imagine being truly happy in any other job. (Even though I always loved being a cashier. :p) I get to interact with patients, get to teach them, get to help heal them. But I think a lot of my concern comes from my worries over whether I’m being forced to choose one path over the other. I’m worried about being able to get the time off to go to the Barbara Brennan School of Healing, while still being considered a full time employee so I can get medical benefits. And if I don’t start next year at the earliest, I’ll be over 30 by the time I finish, and then I’m worried about having kids so late. And then once I have kids, I definitely won’t be able to just take a week off to go to Florida five times a year. And then if I wait until my kids are older, that’s a whole 15-25 years from now and not only do I not want to wait that long, but then I may also not have the money because I’ll be busy paying for my kids’ college tuitions. I know I’m getting a bit ahead of myself, but I just don’t want to have to make a choice between one or the other. Energy healing is something I want to learn and grow with now so I can actually use it and share it in those intermediate years.
I think there was more I wanted to write, but I’m really falling asleep right now, so time for bed. Hope this journal entry was somewhat coherent. Night to all. *Hugs*
--Moonshadow