(no subject)
It's 10:20 and I'm going to bed early because I have to work at 8. I really want to be going out and seeing friends until the end of time, but that's not reality, is it?
Mr. Holding had us write letters to ourselves at the end of last year, and I forgot all about them until they came in the mail today. A lot of what I said made me want to kick myself in the teeth, but some of it wasn't so bad...
Really, we make mistakes, but we have to learn from them. Only when we learn nothing from our mistakes is when we're allowed to regret them. But along the same lines...if we can't find a lesson, we're probably dumb fucks who don't deserve the wisdom.
I'm in a transition period. And some parts of it are good and some parts of it are bad. And some parts of it are a little too reminiscent of a time I'd like to pretend never happened. I'm afraid it's going to be a long summer.
This song by Matchbox 20 is really beautiful. And, in some respects, it echoes the sentiments I'm trying to make sense of.
What we learned here is love tastes bitter when it's gone
Past yourself, forget the light--things look dirty when it's on
Funny how it comes to pass, that all the good slips away
And there's no one around you can remember being good to you
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame
What we lost here is something better left alone
Second steps have been forgotten, will you tell me how they go?
Set yourself, situate, like a fool try again
There's no one around you can remember being good, for you
So
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame
We never thought we'd get so troubled
We could never think that much
It should never get this bad
So let the wind blow you, across a big floor
But there's no one around who can tell us what we're here for
Funny in a certain light, how we all look the same
And there's no one in life you can remember ever stood for you, so
I'm kind of notorious, in my own little world, for wanting change but not being willing to bring it about. For needing to improve something, but for refusing to help myself. I'm working on it.
I never, ever, thought I'd say this, but I think I need to go back to college more than I realize. I think--with the exception of a few things--Merrimack and things associated with it are keeping me from letting go and creating my adult life. Keeping me from making changes I really need to make. And if you told me a year ago that I'd feel this way right now, I never would have believed it. Because I never wanted to believe it. But I think I'm starting to come to terms with it.
Proof is my horoscope for tomorrow: "You're seeking some balance, but it's proving a tiny bit elusive. Could it be that you need to jettison some old stuff (or expectations, or feelings) in order to make the scales even out?"
Mr. Holding had us write letters to ourselves at the end of last year, and I forgot all about them until they came in the mail today. A lot of what I said made me want to kick myself in the teeth, but some of it wasn't so bad...
Really, we make mistakes, but we have to learn from them. Only when we learn nothing from our mistakes is when we're allowed to regret them. But along the same lines...if we can't find a lesson, we're probably dumb fucks who don't deserve the wisdom.
I'm in a transition period. And some parts of it are good and some parts of it are bad. And some parts of it are a little too reminiscent of a time I'd like to pretend never happened. I'm afraid it's going to be a long summer.
This song by Matchbox 20 is really beautiful. And, in some respects, it echoes the sentiments I'm trying to make sense of.
What we learned here is love tastes bitter when it's gone
Past yourself, forget the light--things look dirty when it's on
Funny how it comes to pass, that all the good slips away
And there's no one around you can remember being good to you
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame
What we lost here is something better left alone
Second steps have been forgotten, will you tell me how they go?
Set yourself, situate, like a fool try again
There's no one around you can remember being good, for you
So
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame
We never thought we'd get so troubled
We could never think that much
It should never get this bad
So let the wind blow you, across a big floor
But there's no one around who can tell us what we're here for
Funny in a certain light, how we all look the same
And there's no one in life you can remember ever stood for you, so
I'm kind of notorious, in my own little world, for wanting change but not being willing to bring it about. For needing to improve something, but for refusing to help myself. I'm working on it.
I never, ever, thought I'd say this, but I think I need to go back to college more than I realize. I think--with the exception of a few things--Merrimack and things associated with it are keeping me from letting go and creating my adult life. Keeping me from making changes I really need to make. And if you told me a year ago that I'd feel this way right now, I never would have believed it. Because I never wanted to believe it. But I think I'm starting to come to terms with it.
Proof is my horoscope for tomorrow: "You're seeking some balance, but it's proving a tiny bit elusive. Could it be that you need to jettison some old stuff (or expectations, or feelings) in order to make the scales even out?"