One last go.
Last night was really the final straw. I have never cried like that before. The pain hit at about 9pm and didn't subside until 6am when I finally fell asleep, although it came back at 8am and woke me up. I just...I am at a loss. Doctor is treating me for an Overactive Bladder, which I am sure I don't have. I do not have urge incontince, or any kind of incontince while we're on the subject. I would like to make that very clear to you all. The urge does not come suddenly and feel uncontrollable, it is there constantly and IS controllable in that sense that I will not wet myself. Once again for good measure: I am not fucking incontinent. I am 22. There is plenty of time for that in about 50 years. The fact that I have not responded in the slightest to the medication screams VOLUMES doesn't it?
He doesn't listen to me. I tried explaining that I am struggling with Uni work, he said "Don't they let you leave lectures for the toilet?" WHAT?! Have you never even spoken to me before? Did I imagine the last six times that I sat in your office and cried? Do you not understand the term "constant"? If I went to the toilet everytime I needed a wee I wouldn't leave the bastard bathroom. It has nothing to do with leaving lectures, it has everything to do with not being able to physically walk to them on bad days, everything to do with sleepless or at the very least disturbed nights, everything to do with the most intense embarassing agony I cannot even put it into words and EVERYTHING to do with not being able to think about anything anything anything else other than how desperate I am. Does anybody understand? Really?
How I have managed to write 10,000 words in the last three weeks I can't even comprehend. Although being bed-ridden has benefited as I have had nothin else to do. Also the quality of the work will be testament to nothing.
I am going to see a female doctor on Friday because I believe the similarites in our anatomy will get me further than they did with my male doctor. Even though the last time I saw her she told me I had an allergy to soap. Which I don't. There is something wrong with my bladder, with the very phsyical condition of my bladder, I can tell you that and I don't even have a degree, nevermind a medical one. Please please please fix me. I can't honestly stand this. I feel as though it is becoming more and more a psychological condition the more depressed, downhearted and desperate I become. Please do not let it manifest as something that it really needn't be. Please help me.
He doesn't listen to me. I tried explaining that I am struggling with Uni work, he said "Don't they let you leave lectures for the toilet?" WHAT?! Have you never even spoken to me before? Did I imagine the last six times that I sat in your office and cried? Do you not understand the term "constant"? If I went to the toilet everytime I needed a wee I wouldn't leave the bastard bathroom. It has nothing to do with leaving lectures, it has everything to do with not being able to physically walk to them on bad days, everything to do with sleepless or at the very least disturbed nights, everything to do with the most intense embarassing agony I cannot even put it into words and EVERYTHING to do with not being able to think about anything anything anything else other than how desperate I am. Does anybody understand? Really?
How I have managed to write 10,000 words in the last three weeks I can't even comprehend. Although being bed-ridden has benefited as I have had nothin else to do. Also the quality of the work will be testament to nothing.
I am going to see a female doctor on Friday because I believe the similarites in our anatomy will get me further than they did with my male doctor. Even though the last time I saw her she told me I had an allergy to soap. Which I don't. There is something wrong with my bladder, with the very phsyical condition of my bladder, I can tell you that and I don't even have a degree, nevermind a medical one. Please please please fix me. I can't honestly stand this. I feel as though it is becoming more and more a psychological condition the more depressed, downhearted and desperate I become. Please do not let it manifest as something that it really needn't be. Please help me.