July
It has been an interesting month. SAM came to visit the first week of July. It was a wonderful, extraordinary time. I feel so close to him, yet I don't want to give too much of myself up to this just yet. I want to be sure. The problem is that I'm not sure that is possible. Senseless...probably, but I don't know how else to say it.
I think it is for real. He went with me to meet my mom and sisters. That certainly must count for something. People aren't willing to be part of those family obligation deals if they aren't serious and sincere. Pragmatically, I know that it could mean nothing, but hope that is not the case. Time will tell.
I have always believed him to be a man of his word. He is not an overt flatterer or yes person by any stretch of the imagination. So, I tend to believe him when he says something. I try to listen closely because the things I want and need to hear come sparingly. That is his way. The fact that he does express them at all makes me believe that they are true.
Time will tell if this is what I think it is. I'm trying to remain cautious and self protective. My armor has grown rather thin. If this blows up in my face, I doubt if I will ever be able to follow so wholly my instincts again.
On a lighter note, I have a new kitten. He is about 12 weeks old and I named him Sebastian. I've had him for two weeks now and he makes me laugh out loud every day. He's a kitten, so of course, he gets into all sorts of mischief, but he is such a love bug. He has these beautiful blue eyes that just make me melt. Can't tell I'm already totally enamored with him???? I think I will have to find a friend for him so he is not alone so much when I'm gone.
I have been communicating for quite a few months with a very interesting Danish man. He is totally involved in bdsm as a lifestyle. He is an educated, interesting man with a global business. I am always left in awe of his amazing life, every time we chat. Well, I spoke to him this morning. I was really happy about that. I love voices and so wanted to put a voice with this picture of him that I have in my head. (He has never sent me a real photo.) He has a lovely voice, just as I expected. It made me smile and I needed that this morning.
I woke up this morning having a dream about my best friend from college. We aren't really very friendly any longer, but she will always live in my heart. I've never had a friend like JAK in my whole life...not before or since. She was like coming home....that kind of friendship. It was such a sad dream and I woke up crying. I don't know why. If I think about her, which isn't too often anymore, I send her good thoughts and usually a prayer or two. It was very strange and powerful. I don't like it when those things happen. They take so much of my emotional energy, which is at a premium these days. Maybe I'll send her a card for her birthday next month. In the meantime, I'll just have to say another prayer for her and her family.
Well, it is a beautiful day this morning. My kind of weather...sunny, but not too warm. Guess I'd better get out and enjoy it.
I think it is for real. He went with me to meet my mom and sisters. That certainly must count for something. People aren't willing to be part of those family obligation deals if they aren't serious and sincere. Pragmatically, I know that it could mean nothing, but hope that is not the case. Time will tell.
I have always believed him to be a man of his word. He is not an overt flatterer or yes person by any stretch of the imagination. So, I tend to believe him when he says something. I try to listen closely because the things I want and need to hear come sparingly. That is his way. The fact that he does express them at all makes me believe that they are true.
Time will tell if this is what I think it is. I'm trying to remain cautious and self protective. My armor has grown rather thin. If this blows up in my face, I doubt if I will ever be able to follow so wholly my instincts again.
On a lighter note, I have a new kitten. He is about 12 weeks old and I named him Sebastian. I've had him for two weeks now and he makes me laugh out loud every day. He's a kitten, so of course, he gets into all sorts of mischief, but he is such a love bug. He has these beautiful blue eyes that just make me melt. Can't tell I'm already totally enamored with him???? I think I will have to find a friend for him so he is not alone so much when I'm gone.
I have been communicating for quite a few months with a very interesting Danish man. He is totally involved in bdsm as a lifestyle. He is an educated, interesting man with a global business. I am always left in awe of his amazing life, every time we chat. Well, I spoke to him this morning. I was really happy about that. I love voices and so wanted to put a voice with this picture of him that I have in my head. (He has never sent me a real photo.) He has a lovely voice, just as I expected. It made me smile and I needed that this morning.
I woke up this morning having a dream about my best friend from college. We aren't really very friendly any longer, but she will always live in my heart. I've never had a friend like JAK in my whole life...not before or since. She was like coming home....that kind of friendship. It was such a sad dream and I woke up crying. I don't know why. If I think about her, which isn't too often anymore, I send her good thoughts and usually a prayer or two. It was very strange and powerful. I don't like it when those things happen. They take so much of my emotional energy, which is at a premium these days. Maybe I'll send her a card for her birthday next month. In the meantime, I'll just have to say another prayer for her and her family.
Well, it is a beautiful day this morning. My kind of weather...sunny, but not too warm. Guess I'd better get out and enjoy it.