Should I answer that.............?
SAM called last night full of his old bluster and bravado. He hasn't been so full of that lately and it was interesting to me that all of a sudden it had returned. I suppose that happens to all of us when the winds of change begin to blow through.
Trust me, I'm endeared to this aspect of him, but it has been an interesting study without it. In its absence, he would sometimes pull back the curtains of his heart just long enough for me to get a glimpse of the hidden parts. He never allows me to wade in too far, but each time there are more revelations. True, some are very small and probably rather unimportant, but to me each step is an unlocking.....an opening....an allowance of trust. It often takes me by surprise...sometimes completely takes my breath away, but it is never, ever taken for granted. I am not sure he realizes that, but somewhere I sense that he does.
We are a challenge for one another. I think I often surprise him with my logic. I don't think he is quite used to that yet. Sometimes he reacts to it badly by going off on some tangent just to change the subject and start an argument....or see if he can upset me. He does it quite well, but at least he is strong enough to admit when he's done such a thing. When he knows he's really wrong, he will unfailingly apologize. I hate it when he argues for no reason, but I admire the strength it takes for him to say that he was at fault....to admit that he was wrong. I think that is a difficult thing for many people to do and even more so for him.
I had a hard time sleeping after our conversation. Somewhere deep inside I have this knowing that this change in him will bring a change to us. It is going to change things. I am not yet certain how that change will occur or if it will be a positive or negative one; I know for sure it is coming though. Nothing with him ever comes easily...no doubt about that. I believe though that he is a positive force in my life and therefore I will hope that the future will also be influenced positively. Guess, I'll eventually know.
Trust me, I'm endeared to this aspect of him, but it has been an interesting study without it. In its absence, he would sometimes pull back the curtains of his heart just long enough for me to get a glimpse of the hidden parts. He never allows me to wade in too far, but each time there are more revelations. True, some are very small and probably rather unimportant, but to me each step is an unlocking.....an opening....an allowance of trust. It often takes me by surprise...sometimes completely takes my breath away, but it is never, ever taken for granted. I am not sure he realizes that, but somewhere I sense that he does.
We are a challenge for one another. I think I often surprise him with my logic. I don't think he is quite used to that yet. Sometimes he reacts to it badly by going off on some tangent just to change the subject and start an argument....or see if he can upset me. He does it quite well, but at least he is strong enough to admit when he's done such a thing. When he knows he's really wrong, he will unfailingly apologize. I hate it when he argues for no reason, but I admire the strength it takes for him to say that he was at fault....to admit that he was wrong. I think that is a difficult thing for many people to do and even more so for him.
I had a hard time sleeping after our conversation. Somewhere deep inside I have this knowing that this change in him will bring a change to us. It is going to change things. I am not yet certain how that change will occur or if it will be a positive or negative one; I know for sure it is coming though. Nothing with him ever comes easily...no doubt about that. I believe though that he is a positive force in my life and therefore I will hope that the future will also be influenced positively. Guess, I'll eventually know.