for you
---only with you did I ever feel the most foolish---
When we whispered those words,
Lying next to each other,
was it real or was it a dream?
When you planted those kisses,
So caringly, ever so tenderly,
was it you or was it just me?
With closed eyes,
Lips against lips,
Your arm kept me close --
as if shielding me from the day's woes.
I remember fumbling and forgetting;
Your exhausted yet confident self.
"Am I going to get a hug?" you asked.
I smiled and complied.
And for no reason, I gave you one of my firsts.
An unfortunate unromantic kiss from me to you.
But it was for you, only for you.
With our eyes locked,
I asked if I could.
Alluringly, "if you want"--
my hand slid down, yours was its guide.
I remember not wanting you.
Yet you insisted on moving my heart.
"Can I have permission?" you asked.
I gave it all then.
And attachment grew, quicker than I thought.
Even if I had known what was to come, the tears I'd cry for you.
I would never change this moment with you.
Your words, my words.
My actions, your responses.
That night,
I did it for you,
-- only for you.
Sitting here now, alone and without your company,
My mind is frantically figuring out what to do
With the memories you gave me,
The songs you sung to me,
The stories you told me,
Your touch, your smell, your warmth, your smile.
Your hugs, your kisses, your pats on my head.
Forget them? Erase them? Delete them?
Treasure them? Keep them? Save them?
"I can be your friend, I'll always be here."
Liar, I wish I could scream.
I wish I knew what you were thinking.
I wish I knew why I couldn't hold on.
"We're meant to be, duh."
Then why is it like this?
How quickly we make and break bonds.
How easily we ignore each other.
I try to move on,
I try to make it work,
But I wonder if you realize
How it pains me so when you turn your back on me.
My heart is missing a piece,
that's found in your hands.
Its return is not what I crave,
but only your company, even if in friendship.
Why make yourself real to me,
when in the end, you still couldn't be here for me.
And if my decision to end it all pained you so,
then why leave me ignorant; this ignorance isn't bliss babe.
It's a deeper hurt,
a deeper wound,
unlike no other.
My only truths that stand:
I did it all for you, only for you.
I gave you me, I hid no part from you.
I took your advice, tried to think.
But for my stay, I needed more.
Though my feelings go unchanged.
I still want your company.
I still want you in my life.
I still want to be in your life
Baby, don't shun me.