(no subject)
i cant remember ever feeling like this... i dont even know what to do or where to go.
i tried to o.d today.
i took my whole bottle of Prozac
when kevin came over he found me passed out and drowsy after he got me awake.
so it didnt work obviously.
he made me promise to never do that again. but that was hard to promise.
im not sure how i survive fucing things that i survive but watever.
i woke up to dizzyness, a twisting stomach, and weakness. thats about it.
and Kevin hovering over me sayin "hey bud im here" or somethin like that.
in a way i wish he hadnt woken me up.
although i guess i could find a more creative way if i do end up tryin somethin again. buuut i cant take all my pills again, cuz i promised. blah.
uhh yea so i spent all afternoon and part of the day crying and shakeing and making a fucking idiot of myself.watever.it sux when things play out a certain way, especially when you know it should be another way.
i hate my fucking house i hate sleeping on the floor and i hate getting up at night and wondering out in my underwear to have a cigg just so i can fall back asleep again and then waking up a few mins later becuz of the same repeating nightmares and having to fuckin drown myself in sleeping pills in order to sleep for 30 mins.it's fucking retarded.*sigh*
maybe i should move on with my life.
or maybe i should end it.
im at jonathans irght now, i gonna go sit outside and shiver for a while and then lay down.
peace.
i tried to o.d today.
i took my whole bottle of Prozac
when kevin came over he found me passed out and drowsy after he got me awake.
so it didnt work obviously.
he made me promise to never do that again. but that was hard to promise.
im not sure how i survive fucing things that i survive but watever.
i woke up to dizzyness, a twisting stomach, and weakness. thats about it.
and Kevin hovering over me sayin "hey bud im here" or somethin like that.
in a way i wish he hadnt woken me up.
although i guess i could find a more creative way if i do end up tryin somethin again. buuut i cant take all my pills again, cuz i promised. blah.
uhh yea so i spent all afternoon and part of the day crying and shakeing and making a fucking idiot of myself.watever.it sux when things play out a certain way, especially when you know it should be another way.
i hate my fucking house i hate sleeping on the floor and i hate getting up at night and wondering out in my underwear to have a cigg just so i can fall back asleep again and then waking up a few mins later becuz of the same repeating nightmares and having to fuckin drown myself in sleeping pills in order to sleep for 30 mins.it's fucking retarded.*sigh*
maybe i should move on with my life.
or maybe i should end it.
im at jonathans irght now, i gonna go sit outside and shiver for a while and then lay down.
peace.