(no subject)
I
just
want
to
fucking
run.
I hate nights like these. Nights when... The world starts eating at me. When everything feels useless and pointless. When no amount of music or reading or distraction will shut out my thoughts. When all I want is company but I have to stay at home.
Why isn't home a more comforting word?
I just want to go. Walk. Ride my bike. Leave. Crash somewhere that isn't here.
How is it that people can be comfortable in their homes? It's so lonely. I've always hated sleeping at home, wherever "home" was supposed to be. No matter how many people I lived with and no matter how much I loved them. Family. Friends. Acquaintances. It's never changed the fact that being at home has never really been all that comfortable. As if I'm tied to a place rather than creating a space.
I want to get rid of everything and just live in the cemetery. Or in the parking tower. Or a tree house in the park. Or a van.
I don't know why. I've been so content lately. Everything has been going so... According to plan. Smoothly. Structurally. Like everything is starting to fit right into its cookie cutter place.
I'm about ready to fucking lose it.
just
want
to
fucking
run.
I hate nights like these. Nights when... The world starts eating at me. When everything feels useless and pointless. When no amount of music or reading or distraction will shut out my thoughts. When all I want is company but I have to stay at home.
Why isn't home a more comforting word?
I just want to go. Walk. Ride my bike. Leave. Crash somewhere that isn't here.
How is it that people can be comfortable in their homes? It's so lonely. I've always hated sleeping at home, wherever "home" was supposed to be. No matter how many people I lived with and no matter how much I loved them. Family. Friends. Acquaintances. It's never changed the fact that being at home has never really been all that comfortable. As if I'm tied to a place rather than creating a space.
I want to get rid of everything and just live in the cemetery. Or in the parking tower. Or a tree house in the park. Or a van.
I don't know why. I've been so content lately. Everything has been going so... According to plan. Smoothly. Structurally. Like everything is starting to fit right into its cookie cutter place.
I'm about ready to fucking lose it.