Changes
So, school has been out for a while and life goes on. Keeps going and going. Living, drinking, biking, sewing, cooking, walking, loving, watching, talking, listening, cuddling, smiling, charming, reading, being.
Listening to music. Cold War Kids, White Stripes, Black Keys, Pixies. Franz Ferdinand. Spoon. Who the fuck is Spoon?
Crashed my car and I don't care. I've been on more adventures and met more people than I would have otherwise. My body is really and truly my home. I've always considered my vehicle a sort of physical extension of my home-is-homeless nature... But I'm totally fine without one. I walk places and I see things. I'm outside. In the sun, in the rain. I talk to strangers. I do good things and enjoy my surroundings without a speed-and-glass filter. I get to be more spontaneous daily than I've ever been able to before. Because guess what? I'm not responsible for some giant hunk of metal. Everything comes with me and if I get swept up, no ties and no worries.
I love fixing my clothes. I feel like every piece of clothing I acquire is unfinished until I've had my way with it. I want to put on pockets and patches and cut and stretch and weave. Expose and tie, rip and mix-match. Add and subtract. It's like I'm relearning that the world around me can be influenced by my thoughts and ideas, and I want to release all of the potential.
Legal graffiti.
I'm taking my time with this class. I find that I'm not really ready for a career... Will I ever be? Probably not. Who actually enjoys selling their life away for cents on the dollar? Small jobs are limited responsibility, limited liability, short on seriousness. Bend the rules and slack off. Short on pay and high on work, but who gives a fuck if I up and quit because I feel like moving to Florida with a couple of guys I met five minutes ago? Nobody gives a fuck. No contracts, no promises.
Make love in the moonlight.
So what if I live like nothing matters but being happy and enjoying life? So what if I don't feel like "applying myself?" So what if I do what I want? I'm not living for you, I'm living for me. I'll take my sweet ass time if I please, because I've got all the time in the world. The rest of my life, in fact. Tell me how to live my life and I promise I'll fuckin tell you how you should be living yours. I'm sick of following stupid preset paths. I finished college, now fuck off.
Not that anyone's really getting on me about it, but that's my manifesto.
The angry, rebellious youth of every generation. Tell society to fucking suck it. That's how I know I'll always be young.
I'm enjoying the lull. I don't feel like I really have to rush around anymore. It's not all "gotta do this, gotta do that" all the goddamn time. Sometimes it is, but living can finally be all about just chilling and enjoying. I have time to make decisions and listen to music and find my center and talk to myself. I have time to watch the weather and the seasons. I don't need to keep fighting off a million things.
I'm okay with making plans. I wonder if Sonic will put me working days if I ask them to. I wonder if I'll ever get weekends off. I can't wait to start just so I can figure out how the system works. How to make it work for me.
I can read, play games, make art. I can waste my whole day on the net or spend the whole day outside. The sun is so hot... I'd love to swim sometime soon. Or walk home in the rain again. I wouldn't mind a hurricane. I don't even think I'd care if my whole house got washed away.
Stephen is... Amazing. He's what I've been looking for, in that I've been looking for someone that thinks and cares and grows and changes like I do. He's got a similar unrest. He wants to do things and get out. He always wants something new and different. He gets defensive like I do, but when we drop defenses we really can communicate and listen and understand.
He's happy but rarely satisfied. That's not necessarily a good thing, but it compliments me. I get restless when things get regular. I can't get comfortable or I lose my mind. And he's always looking for ways to change, to improve, to make better. He has the ability to criticize without getting upset or depressed about what isn't. He has the ability to love and appreciate what he has while still reaching for more. And that is something that I find to be infinitely beautiful. Of course that unrest applies to everything, but when it applies to us I know that we can handle it. I'm flexible enough to be okay with things changing when they need to, and I'm getting better at it every day. And I should be. And so is he.
I think one of the best things about us is the fact that we're always flirting and charming. We never quit trying. We don't let the other get bored. Because we both know that it would be all too easy for the other to charm someone, anyone else, and we stay together anyways. We want each other. So we never let the other get bored. Because why not do everything that you can to make them happy? Because why not get passionate and inappropriate with the person that you're crazy about? We tease and hint and joke. We put things on the line. It's fiery dangerous sometimes, and I love it. He's one hell of a man.
Overall, things are working out pretty well. I like my life and I'm always working to change where it's going, just so I'm always heading exactly where I want to be. It's not about the goal, it's about the path. So I'm always looking at the direction and not the destination. I'm okay with things going smooth and easy for a while, especially if it means more opportunity to enjoy.
Cuz I've never been about the rat race anyways.
Listening to music. Cold War Kids, White Stripes, Black Keys, Pixies. Franz Ferdinand. Spoon. Who the fuck is Spoon?
Crashed my car and I don't care. I've been on more adventures and met more people than I would have otherwise. My body is really and truly my home. I've always considered my vehicle a sort of physical extension of my home-is-homeless nature... But I'm totally fine without one. I walk places and I see things. I'm outside. In the sun, in the rain. I talk to strangers. I do good things and enjoy my surroundings without a speed-and-glass filter. I get to be more spontaneous daily than I've ever been able to before. Because guess what? I'm not responsible for some giant hunk of metal. Everything comes with me and if I get swept up, no ties and no worries.
I love fixing my clothes. I feel like every piece of clothing I acquire is unfinished until I've had my way with it. I want to put on pockets and patches and cut and stretch and weave. Expose and tie, rip and mix-match. Add and subtract. It's like I'm relearning that the world around me can be influenced by my thoughts and ideas, and I want to release all of the potential.
Legal graffiti.
I'm taking my time with this class. I find that I'm not really ready for a career... Will I ever be? Probably not. Who actually enjoys selling their life away for cents on the dollar? Small jobs are limited responsibility, limited liability, short on seriousness. Bend the rules and slack off. Short on pay and high on work, but who gives a fuck if I up and quit because I feel like moving to Florida with a couple of guys I met five minutes ago? Nobody gives a fuck. No contracts, no promises.
Make love in the moonlight.
So what if I live like nothing matters but being happy and enjoying life? So what if I don't feel like "applying myself?" So what if I do what I want? I'm not living for you, I'm living for me. I'll take my sweet ass time if I please, because I've got all the time in the world. The rest of my life, in fact. Tell me how to live my life and I promise I'll fuckin tell you how you should be living yours. I'm sick of following stupid preset paths. I finished college, now fuck off.
Not that anyone's really getting on me about it, but that's my manifesto.
The angry, rebellious youth of every generation. Tell society to fucking suck it. That's how I know I'll always be young.
I'm enjoying the lull. I don't feel like I really have to rush around anymore. It's not all "gotta do this, gotta do that" all the goddamn time. Sometimes it is, but living can finally be all about just chilling and enjoying. I have time to make decisions and listen to music and find my center and talk to myself. I have time to watch the weather and the seasons. I don't need to keep fighting off a million things.
I'm okay with making plans. I wonder if Sonic will put me working days if I ask them to. I wonder if I'll ever get weekends off. I can't wait to start just so I can figure out how the system works. How to make it work for me.
I can read, play games, make art. I can waste my whole day on the net or spend the whole day outside. The sun is so hot... I'd love to swim sometime soon. Or walk home in the rain again. I wouldn't mind a hurricane. I don't even think I'd care if my whole house got washed away.
Stephen is... Amazing. He's what I've been looking for, in that I've been looking for someone that thinks and cares and grows and changes like I do. He's got a similar unrest. He wants to do things and get out. He always wants something new and different. He gets defensive like I do, but when we drop defenses we really can communicate and listen and understand.
He's happy but rarely satisfied. That's not necessarily a good thing, but it compliments me. I get restless when things get regular. I can't get comfortable or I lose my mind. And he's always looking for ways to change, to improve, to make better. He has the ability to criticize without getting upset or depressed about what isn't. He has the ability to love and appreciate what he has while still reaching for more. And that is something that I find to be infinitely beautiful. Of course that unrest applies to everything, but when it applies to us I know that we can handle it. I'm flexible enough to be okay with things changing when they need to, and I'm getting better at it every day. And I should be. And so is he.
I think one of the best things about us is the fact that we're always flirting and charming. We never quit trying. We don't let the other get bored. Because we both know that it would be all too easy for the other to charm someone, anyone else, and we stay together anyways. We want each other. So we never let the other get bored. Because why not do everything that you can to make them happy? Because why not get passionate and inappropriate with the person that you're crazy about? We tease and hint and joke. We put things on the line. It's fiery dangerous sometimes, and I love it. He's one hell of a man.
Overall, things are working out pretty well. I like my life and I'm always working to change where it's going, just so I'm always heading exactly where I want to be. It's not about the goal, it's about the path. So I'm always looking at the direction and not the destination. I'm okay with things going smooth and easy for a while, especially if it means more opportunity to enjoy.
Cuz I've never been about the rat race anyways.