Paralyzed
Paralyzed by fear.
Paralyzed by never knowing what I want.
Paralyzed by circumstance, as it may be.
Paralyzed by... Choices with so many factors.
Somewhere between the yes-no's.
I guess I figured I'd conquered my fear. I was confident in my ability to be happy and my ability to trust other people.
But apparently I'm just as terrified as ever. And maybe it's for good reason.
People hurt you. They've got sick twisted little motives and are manipulative and lack consideration and a moral compass.
I can be as bitter as I want about humanity, but I know I'm better than that. Some people are worth being trusted.
Trust can be worth it. I'm just excessively picky about who I choose to trust with what, and I get pickier by the day.
Because time and time again, it seems like trusting comes back around to bite me in the ass.
The big question is, is the eventual inevitable bite in the ass worth putting forth the trust?
Maybe I should quit giving a fuck and just learn how to be reckless with my heart.
Maybe loving recklessly is what I've been looking for all this time.
Impulse comes from the heart, dear little misguided thing.
Fucking up royally probably isn't all that bad. Hearts come back stronger, right?