(no subject)
"When you’ve understood this scripture, throw it away. If you can’t understand this scripture, throw it away. I insist on your freedom."
Freedom is what I've been itching for my whole life. But I think I'm finally starting to realize that it isn't as external as I'd believed.
I'm all chained up inside.
I try to force myself to fit into this mold, which is in the end molded by myself but is based on my interpretations of the ideas of others.
That's when things go wrong. I start labeling ways that I'm supposed to and not supposed to be. And then, I start getting upset with myself when I don't fit into my molded labels, because who actually happily fits into any sort of shape? We're constantly shifting, wiggling amorphous blobs.
So why am I stuffing myself into corners?
And then, I've got this big idea that I'm not supposed to feel certain ways. And I deny that I'm even feeling it, try to stuff it down and pretend, but then it just comes back even bigger.
We learned this as kids: It is okay to feel the way that you feel, okay? Acknowledge it, accept it, try to understand it. Don't pretend like you aren't feeling whatever it is that you are, because it isn't wrong. Ask yourself this: why are you feeling this way? Understand and accept, do not shun and judge.
Darling, you have never been a judgmental type. So lose the judgments, on yourself and on others. There's no need for all of that, it isn't helpful and it isn't productive. Actually, it's quite destructive. And that's the main way that you inhibit your own freedom. It isn't the world on the outside, but the judgment on the inside that is keeping you down. "I should be this way, I should feel that way, I should be happy to act like that." No. You should always be striving for self-improvement, but you should not be cutting yourself down, pushing yourself around, and judging yourself for what you are and aren't. There should only be acceptance, and gentle guidance when necessary. We are all children, and you are a good person. And you deserve to be free and happy and love yourself.
I have all of the tools. I already know the right way, the steps, I already have the advice. I can so easily give it to others, but sometimes it takes a bit of talking to yourself to remind you of what you already know.