kilerkki gets all the credit for both the fork and the quartermaster. When she introduced the fork it was just - Oh! So brilliant! It gave us the perfect beat to wrap up the chapter.
Before the fork solution came, as we were writing and Hayate was fumbling with his chopsticks, we had this exchange: Ki: Now Yuugao wants to feed him. Nene: He'd bolt. Ki: Thought so.
And then she got him a fork. Priceless.
And the quartermaster - I wrote his entrance (so you were prepared to hate him on my account) and Ki made him human.
I'm delighted you enjoyed this so much you'd even forgo chocolate. You should see the grin on my face.
Seriously part of what makes this soo good is that (OK please excuse all weirdness of this description because someone has had way too much candy and scraped a 3yo off the walls who has had WAY too much candy)
Its like even though the POV camera is following them around, you always feel like there is so much more going on just out of focus and just off camera. While they are eating lunch, you are acutely aware of the other people there. During the qurtermaster scene you never forget the other new recruits. The world is populated with all these poeple that are so 3D you just feel the camera could switch and follow them and they'd havce a story.
It also makes me feel guilty for having writers blockish stuff on something :)
We've spent probably almost as much time developing our NPCs as we have working on the relationship between Yuugao and Hayate. That's one of the things I'm really enjoying about writing this story; we get to concentrate on two of our favorite characters, but we also have an entire world to develop all around them!
Awww, don't feel guilty. I get writer's block all the time--so I tend to just go work on something else. Like one of those background guys' story!
Thanks! It's so much fun to be able to develop an entire world (or, at least, as much of it as we get to see) around these characters. The best part is that so much of it is made up on the spur of the moment, and only later added to our planning files!
I'm secretly in love with Ryuuhei, myself. But Touji is starting to give him competition. ♥
I'm pretty sure Touji shows up in canon, too. But I'll let you guess where.
I love Genta. I've loved him from the very first line I wrote for him. Genta is quietly stealing my heart a little more every time I write him. I'm gonna end up wanting to write side stories all about him.
And Touji - ah I love Touji. He's just a big cutie-pie.
I think one thing that really makes writing with kilerkki so rewarding is that we both have a very literal, real-world view of what we're writing. We see the story unfold like a movie, and we work hard to get all the little details that make the world and the characters "real".
Meaning we spend half an hour puzzling out the floor plan (I'm surprised neither of us has drawn it yet, unless you have and just haven't told me...) and researching dragon fruit. We'd probably go a lot faster if we didn't care about the little things! ♥~
Echoing what has been said above, and I really like the balance of Yuugao's newbie observations, and Hayate's I-live-here POV, (for some reason, ANBU captains having offices tickles me), with the process of them getting to know one another.
Which is the reason I think we could never successfully write this as a standard one-POV fic. I like knowing what the other person's thinking, and I'm especially fond of the way they keep mistaking each other. Awkward = yay! in writing, if not in real life. XDD
You know the ANBU captains throw office parties, and hang out to complain at the water cooler. And possibly use the couches for purposes other than napping, but no one's supposed to know that.
Kakashi: uses his couch as a dog bed for Pakkun. Raidou: can't find his couch under the books he has piled on top of it. Ends up sitting on the floor, on a cushion, reading. Yamanaka: has installed grow lights, and uses his as a plant shelf Ibiki: has a couch with bloodstains Genma: *leers* "You wanna know what we can do on my couch?" Hayate: After that one mission, when Yuugao fell asleep on his couch... Hayate can't look at his couch without blushing.
There is so much love for you. XDDDDD It almost makes me want to write a discussion about the couches just so we can use Genma's line (though I think in Moonlight on Masks, Genma and Raidou may have already left ANBU. I'm not sure about this, though. Can you believe we've never discussed it?)
Yuugao falling asleep on the couch will go in at some point, though. ♥!
I'm leaving a long review this timearandomstudentApril 11 2007, 05:41:00 UTC
First off, just a couple of minor spelling / grammar mistakes: paragraph 35, "Yuugo" should be "Yuugao" paragraph 37, "in the service for more that a week" should be "in the service for more than a week" or "in the service for more that week"
Reading "Moonlight on Masks" makes me happy. I could read it over and over.
Gotta love the masks. I like the part where Hayate is looking at Yuugao from behind the mask. They've just been assigned as a team, and they have the communication-without-words thing down already. Plus, Hayate wants Yuugao to see him seeing her. I like the part where Yuugao got her mask, too. In that sentence, you put the readers right in her mask! The sound, the sight... nice imagery there. And by the way, good job on getting the Anbu uniform's details.
Yuugao's insecure again. And she knows she's insecure, too, yet she cant help it. Is there a way to convince this girl that she' just good? Maybe "Zen master" Hayate can help
( ... )
And we are so pleased about it!kilerkkiApril 11 2007, 15:23:19 UTC
Wow, thanks for your close reading and attention to detail! I admit, I kind of skimped on the spell-checking this time (happens when you finish after midnight and want to post immediately) so I'm glad you caught both of those errors. And, uh, you're not the only person who could and does read this over and over...
Yuugao's insecurity has a lot more to do with her worth as a person and how she interacts with others than with her skills as a shinobi. She knows she's a good ninja, but she's insecure about her worth in any ways that don't involve her identity as a weapon for Konoha. A lot of the roots of this will be revealed...later. It's all up in her profile on anbu_chick, though, if you like spoilers. (I do
( ... )
Mu, still unable to think of a coherent reply. It's really rather sweet that Hayate's subtly supporting Yuugao's female presence in the ANBU ranks, like his cough at Yamanaka's "Gentlemen." Also, would like to say Yuugao is precious. *snickers* Precious, because she totally crushed a man's instep. =D Also...*snickers* I see stalker!Hayate. *coughs* I mean, of course it's reasonable for a commanding officer to know how his soldiers are healing up...let's just forget the fact that she hasn't even been orientation yet... And I'll join in the chorus here: yay fork. XP
And. OH GOODIE DO WE GET SOME ACTION NOW? TOBOE LIKES ACTION AND SWORDS AND STUFF FLYING EVERYWHERE.
OMG I love the icon! I am adding it to Hayate's LJ as soon as I finish telling you how much I love it!
And thanks so much. You noticed Hayate's um stalking making sure his new recruit was okay! Sweet.
Yes action coming soon, although there is likely to be a slight delay before the next chapter goes up, as Ki currently has finals, and I'm leaving for three weeks in Japan about the time she finishes. But never fear, we've been plotting and planning already.
... Really? *sheepish grin* Thanks. But you totally inspired it, so it's all good, yes? XP And I'm betting there'll be a lot more ideas to draw from as more chapters come up. Maybe I should have a "Moonlight on Masks" section in the iconset. XP
*snickers* Well, let's put it this way: I also made a "spy!Hayate is so canon" icon. And another one using Hayate's PB for Hayate on ES. Sneaky!Snoopy!Hayate? IS SO CANON, IT TRANSCENDS CENTURIES. BELIEVE IT. *is shot* *multiple times*
Ew, finals. Ew, ew, ew. Death and suffering. Hope Ki will get through the evils that is finals well enough. Whoa, Japan? Duuuuuuude. =D Well then, I have three weeks to work on that iconset...XD
Comments 29
I love the quartermaster. At first I was thinking I was going to hate him -- and I don't know why. but now he's like YES, awesome quartermaster.
I am like addicted to this story now. Its the happy morning I check the friends list to find a new chapter
The fork was priceless
Reply
Before the fork solution came, as we were writing and Hayate was fumbling with his chopsticks, we had this exchange:
Ki: Now Yuugao wants to feed him.
Nene: He'd bolt.
Ki: Thought so.
And then she got him a fork. Priceless.
And the quartermaster - I wrote his entrance (so you were prepared to hate him on my account) and Ki made him human.
I'm delighted you enjoyed this so much you'd even forgo chocolate. You should see the grin on my face.
Reply
Its like even though the POV camera is following them around, you always feel like there is so much more going on just out of focus and just off camera. While they are eating lunch, you are acutely aware of the other people there. During the qurtermaster scene you never forget the other new recruits. The world is populated with all these poeple that are so 3D you just feel the camera could switch and follow them and they'd havce a story.
It also makes me feel guilty for having writers blockish stuff on something :)
Reply
Awww, don't feel guilty. I get writer's block all the time--so I tend to just go work on something else. Like one of those background guys' story!
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I really like Akimichi Touji and Genta. :)
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I'm secretly in love with Ryuuhei, myself. But Touji is starting to give him competition. ♥
I'm pretty sure Touji shows up in canon, too. But I'll let you guess where.
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And Touji - ah I love Touji. He's just a big cutie-pie.
I think one thing that really makes writing with kilerkki so rewarding is that we both have a very literal, real-world view of what we're writing. We see the story unfold like a movie, and we work hard to get all the little details that make the world and the characters "real".
Reply
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You know the ANBU captains throw office parties, and hang out to complain at the water cooler. And possibly use the couches for purposes other than napping, but no one's supposed to know that.
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Raidou: can't find his couch under the books he has piled on top of it. Ends up sitting on the floor, on a cushion, reading.
Yamanaka: has installed grow lights, and uses his as a plant shelf
Ibiki: has a couch with bloodstains
Genma: *leers* "You wanna know what we can do on my couch?"
Hayate: After that one mission, when Yuugao fell asleep on his couch... Hayate can't look at his couch without blushing.
Reply
There is so much love for you. XDDDDD It almost makes me want to write a discussion about the couches just so we can use Genma's line (though I think in Moonlight on Masks, Genma and Raidou may have already left ANBU. I'm not sure about this, though. Can you believe we've never discussed it?)
Yuugao falling asleep on the couch will go in at some point, though. ♥!
Reply
paragraph 35, "Yuugo" should be "Yuugao"
paragraph 37, "in the service for more that a week" should be "in the service for more than a week" or "in the service for more that week"
Reading "Moonlight on Masks" makes me happy. I could read it over and over.
Gotta love the masks. I like the part where Hayate is looking at Yuugao from behind the mask. They've just been assigned as a team, and they have the communication-without-words thing down already. Plus, Hayate wants Yuugao to see him seeing her.
I like the part where Yuugao got her mask, too. In that sentence, you put the readers right in her mask! The sound, the sight... nice imagery there.
And by the way, good job on getting the Anbu uniform's details.
Yuugao's insecure again. And she knows she's insecure, too, yet she cant help it. Is there a way to convince this girl that she' just good? Maybe "Zen master" Hayate can help ( ... )
Reply
Yuugao's insecurity has a lot more to do with her worth as a person and how she interacts with others than with her skills as a shinobi. She knows she's a good ninja, but she's insecure about her worth in any ways that don't involve her identity as a weapon for Konoha. A lot of the roots of this will be revealed...later. It's all up in her profile on anbu_chick, though, if you like spoilers. (I do ( ... )
Reply
Mu, still unable to think of a coherent reply. It's really rather sweet that Hayate's subtly supporting Yuugao's female presence in the ANBU ranks, like his cough at Yamanaka's "Gentlemen." Also, would like to say Yuugao is precious. *snickers* Precious, because she totally crushed a man's instep. =D Also...*snickers* I see stalker!Hayate. *coughs* I mean, of course it's reasonable for a commanding officer to know how his soldiers are healing up...let's just forget the fact that she hasn't even been orientation yet... And I'll join in the chorus here: yay fork. XP
And. OH GOODIE DO WE GET SOME ACTION NOW? TOBOE LIKES ACTION AND SWORDS AND STUFF FLYING EVERYWHERE.
....
............*furtive glances*
( ... )
Reply
And thanks so much. You noticed Hayate's um stalking making sure his new recruit was okay! Sweet.
Yes action coming soon, although there is likely to be a slight delay before the next chapter goes up, as Ki currently has finals, and I'm leaving for three weeks in Japan about the time she finishes. But never fear, we've been plotting and planning already.
Reply
*snickers* Well, let's put it this way: I also made a "spy!Hayate is so canon" icon. And another one using Hayate's PB for Hayate on ES. Sneaky!Snoopy!Hayate? IS SO CANON, IT TRANSCENDS CENTURIES. BELIEVE IT. *is shot* *multiple times*
Ew, finals. Ew, ew, ew. Death and suffering. Hope Ki will get through the evils that is finals well enough. Whoa, Japan? Duuuuuuude. =D Well then, I have three weeks to work on that iconset...XD
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And you so totally should do a Moonlight on Masks section in your iconset. We'd, uh...write you shiny stuff! :DDDD
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