where sushi is free
I am in a big, quiet house where I have access to an unimaginable quantity and range of food, a queen size bed with a very nice mattress, hundreds of books, and two computers with wireless access. I have over $200 in my bank account and a six-month old car. I look at my face in the mirror and it looks so calm. I look at my limbs and they are so still. My voice is so quiet and polite and rational. But I'm roiling, roiling, roiling.
Ok, enough of the whole stifling suburbs of the bourgeois routine. But you might not be surprised to learn that I really am freaking out. The idea is that I'll get probably a retail job probably at some enormous chain such as Starbucks, Borders, Barnes & Noble, Tower, Best Buy, etc (and that is if I'm lucky) but since I'm living at home and all of my needs are being paid for, I'll use the modest salary I make on unnecessary items such as (no coincidence) coffee, books, books, cd's. Doesn't this system seem somehow problematic? And don't even get me started on the sluttiness of SAT tutoring. My most cherished hope is that I'll get the job as a personal assistant to a "self-sufficient 91-year-old man. Very intelligent man. Interested in world peace. Loud voice required." But I don't have a loud voice, not at all. And the job basically = housewife (ie: laundry, cooking dinner, errands, "assisting with medication organization") so what am I doing?
Part of me thinks that since my mom is lonely and needs someone to take care of the house and gives me money, I should just stick to cooking and cleaning for her. Plus I could, uh, continue my education: I could just read some books from the library and even write some papers and it would be like college but free. But that could be just justifying idleness. (Oh, isn't that what Starbucks would have me think!) I guess I should also "study for the gres." It's funny that I may be doing that in the evenings while in the daytime I "tutor for the sats" (and T.J. entrance exam!). What a superfluous industry! It seems possible that soon (already?) the test prep industry will have overtaken the actual education industry.
Well, maybe this is all just "stinky thoughts" as Suzanne would say they say in AA. (I'm sad to tell you all this, but it would seem Suzanne was maybe all a lie. Not really in a malevolent way, more of a Wizard of Oz way. It's possible that she wanted us, the youth, to hold up a shiny and beautiful reflection of her own face back to her, as certain poetry professors are notorious for doing, but she was even better at it by pretending to be the opposite way. So oops. Still, I guess it comes as no surprise to any one.)
But I'll still have someone to daydream about this summer: Rachel Maddow is on tv. Every night. Starting today. It's the best thing I could have hoped for. Unfortunately, it's on this really shitty show. But who cares. Just look at her smart, boyish face. Ignore Tucker Carlson with his stupid bowtie. Ignore the fact that they spent the whole first airing talking about Michael Jackson. Keep your eye on Maddow because she is a firecracker.
I should never have gone to college. It's only taught me to hate capitalism and love laziness.
Ok, enough of the whole stifling suburbs of the bourgeois routine. But you might not be surprised to learn that I really am freaking out. The idea is that I'll get probably a retail job probably at some enormous chain such as Starbucks, Borders, Barnes & Noble, Tower, Best Buy, etc (and that is if I'm lucky) but since I'm living at home and all of my needs are being paid for, I'll use the modest salary I make on unnecessary items such as (no coincidence) coffee, books, books, cd's. Doesn't this system seem somehow problematic? And don't even get me started on the sluttiness of SAT tutoring. My most cherished hope is that I'll get the job as a personal assistant to a "self-sufficient 91-year-old man. Very intelligent man. Interested in world peace. Loud voice required." But I don't have a loud voice, not at all. And the job basically = housewife (ie: laundry, cooking dinner, errands, "assisting with medication organization") so what am I doing?
Part of me thinks that since my mom is lonely and needs someone to take care of the house and gives me money, I should just stick to cooking and cleaning for her. Plus I could, uh, continue my education: I could just read some books from the library and even write some papers and it would be like college but free. But that could be just justifying idleness. (Oh, isn't that what Starbucks would have me think!) I guess I should also "study for the gres." It's funny that I may be doing that in the evenings while in the daytime I "tutor for the sats" (and T.J. entrance exam!). What a superfluous industry! It seems possible that soon (already?) the test prep industry will have overtaken the actual education industry.
Well, maybe this is all just "stinky thoughts" as Suzanne would say they say in AA. (I'm sad to tell you all this, but it would seem Suzanne was maybe all a lie. Not really in a malevolent way, more of a Wizard of Oz way. It's possible that she wanted us, the youth, to hold up a shiny and beautiful reflection of her own face back to her, as certain poetry professors are notorious for doing, but she was even better at it by pretending to be the opposite way. So oops. Still, I guess it comes as no surprise to any one.)
But I'll still have someone to daydream about this summer: Rachel Maddow is on tv. Every night. Starting today. It's the best thing I could have hoped for. Unfortunately, it's on this really shitty show. But who cares. Just look at her smart, boyish face. Ignore Tucker Carlson with his stupid bowtie. Ignore the fact that they spent the whole first airing talking about Michael Jackson. Keep your eye on Maddow because she is a firecracker.
I should never have gone to college. It's only taught me to hate capitalism and love laziness.