(no subject)
I put this song on Sarina's Myspace... http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=68668678
it just fits... it says everything I've felt through this whole thing... when I found out I was pregnant it was like a whole world of doors shut on me... and now that she's almost here I can see that this is only the begining. Hopefully I gain the patience and am wise enough not to just let the next 18 years of our lives slip away from us... I hope I can spend everyday cherishing every little thing and enjoying my family... and I hope more then any of this... that Adam learns to do the same thing maybe in his own way... I guess because she isn't living inside of him it's not as real to him... He gets excited when he can tell what he's feeling (the other day he said he could feel the individual toes on her feet) He also gets excited when she gives him a good strong kick and I can see him warming up... I just think... maybe he still isn't ready for all of this... but isn't he the one that decided we needed a baby anyhow? I just don't think it was an accident still... it worries me... I wish I could quit worrying... but I want to see Sarina have the kind of relationship with her father that I only dreamed of... I truly hope she grows up to be a daddies girl... I hope Adam shifts his priorities around and takes up more time with his daughters... I hope he realizes that in 10 years he's not going to look back and say damn I did a good job stocking those coolers... I hope he has enough memories of his little girls to last a life time you have to stock up on the cuteness memories cause when they hit teenagerhood... god help us... I'm sure we'll be ready to kill them...
Angel picked a fight with mom yesterday... she's been being incredibly ugly to her... for instance in front of a bunch of people the other day she said she was going to kill mom and dad in their sleep... (I don't know what mom was thinking or how it was said but if I were her I think I'd of had her baker acted on the spot) she kept back talking her and mom warned her if she didn't stop she was going to slap her and angel wouldn't let it drop... so mom swatted her on the ass... Angel proceeded to go into a fit and said she was calling the law... and then decided she was "running away" mom went to hand her her purse and angel pushed her onto the bed and wrestled it away from her... if it were anyone but Angel they would be in for an ass wooping from me for doing that shit and Angel may not be out of the woods yet. Judging from the fact that mom called me and told me angel was running away and I told her I'd come after Angel and Angel texted me and said she wasn't going with me... and then Michelle called her and she screamed and hollered at Michelle and told her she didn't love her and was just as crazy as mom or some shit like that... I'd say this all yet again leads back to Anthony... she eventually called me last night to tell me that she was "ok" but refused to tell me where she was... even after I threatened to have her and whoever had come after her arrested Angel for some reason seemed to think I couldn't find her... though I'm 95% sure she's at Anthony's house. I told Andy last night I wish Anthony would stop threatening to kill himself and just do it so he could quit causing me problems... he's kept Angel wrapped up for 2 years or more now and caused one argument after another between her and her family. Anyhow when I got Angel on the phone and she told me she wasn't coming with me... I told her she'd go with me the law to a foster home or be baker acted one... she then called me a screwball and hung up on me... Wait who's the one who threatened to kill their family... oh yea... and I'm the screw ball? Whatever... mom later talked to her and told her she had until this afternoon to come home... I guess we'll see how that turns out... I suspect it's going to be a pain. But maybe she will have calmed down enough and maybe anthony will have told her he's not getting back together with her... or maybe I should just e-mail anthony's girlfriend and explain the situation to her... that's a thought.... we'll see where this goes. Anyhow... toodles...
-Me