well here goes
Wow...so its like 2 am and I'm writing this...why am I writing this? CUZ I've got nothing better to do so it seems. I'm sad, there's nothing anyone can do about it...I'm just exceedingly sad. Which sucks. I've got a lot of pressure baring down on me and though I've got my friends it seems like nothing I can do will lighten the load. I feel as if everyone's got someone else, all my friends have matched up and no one needs me, I'm the odd number...I mean if u think about I'm not good for much and the stuff I am good for I'm not good at anymore. I just basically feel like a waste of space. I sit here sometimes and think to myself that this cant possibly be it. The world we live in....its just too mundane. I don't feel alive. Its cold outside and my body goes thru the motions of being cold but what does that mean? I see through my eyes and feel with my hands but its not enough I want to see and feel everything all at once. My Mom calls it being spiritual I call it wanting to live. U can think of me as being weird or over reacting or whatever. I just feel dead...like I've been sleeping a long time waiting for something someone to wake me up. Who knows. Maybe I'm just babbling but I know I've never felt so alone in my entire existence as i have felt these past few weeks months years whatever. Which to be truthful isn't long at all. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm not alone...or that I've got friends because I know. I KNOW. But knowing and feeling are 2 different things. I cant b optimistic right now. Its a physical impossibility. Right now I'm just trying to keep from breaking down into tears every 5 god damn seconds. This is how I feel this is how I am right now. If u don't like it...sorry.
-Michelle
-Michelle