Subject: Optional
I am trying to chalk this mood up to crashing off a sugar high. Seriously, I don't NEED drugs or alcohol, I have enough crap in my system and around 2am I end up acting almost like I am coming down or something.
But the truth is, while right NOW it might be, I DO get this way a lot. I am a highly emotional person and it doesn't take much to influence me one way or the other. Sometimes it isn't as bad, sometimes I need a good cry, and sometimes it isn't as acute and I can handle myself ok.
But sometimes it is like this. Sometimes one thing snowballs. It could be something as simple as a role play conversation going badly, or an idle thought or memory and it spirals downwards and everything piles on top of me, every insecurity and defeat just adds up and I become a big mess.
Compounded by the fact my life is really not that bad, really I have it easy,lucky, and I feel worse for feeling bad when I really have nothing to feel bad about! So many people would love to have my life. Never been abused, no major deaths (aside from a pet or two) no real trauma.
So why am I sitting here crying my eyes out? Am I being selfish? I don't know. Maybe I am, maybe I am a self pitying little bitch who needs to suck it up. But I don't know HOW, and it just makes me feel worse and I don't know how to change it.
But the truth is, while right NOW it might be, I DO get this way a lot. I am a highly emotional person and it doesn't take much to influence me one way or the other. Sometimes it isn't as bad, sometimes I need a good cry, and sometimes it isn't as acute and I can handle myself ok.
But sometimes it is like this. Sometimes one thing snowballs. It could be something as simple as a role play conversation going badly, or an idle thought or memory and it spirals downwards and everything piles on top of me, every insecurity and defeat just adds up and I become a big mess.
Compounded by the fact my life is really not that bad, really I have it easy,lucky, and I feel worse for feeling bad when I really have nothing to feel bad about! So many people would love to have my life. Never been abused, no major deaths (aside from a pet or two) no real trauma.
So why am I sitting here crying my eyes out? Am I being selfish? I don't know. Maybe I am, maybe I am a self pitying little bitch who needs to suck it up. But I don't know HOW, and it just makes me feel worse and I don't know how to change it.