I think too much...
I just got done cleaning up after the days mess making and decided to have a cig...
While I was smoking I though of how I felt on the inside. I don't normally give this a whole lot of thought since it always makes me feel sad.
This will be my first post with lots of info about my inner workings so sorry if you read something a little fucked up.
I feel empty all the time. People would think I live a very full life but that is something I can easy protray...truth is I am unhappy and empty inside. Why?! For a lot of reasons but the main reasons are that I have not found my true other...and if I have I can not be with him. Then I also do not have my daughter...my first daughter. She will be 9 this year. I have not seen her in almost 8 years. That is a long time to go without someone that means the world to you...
I wounder every waking moment if she is ok, if she is alive, if she is healthy, and mostly if she is happy. I have nightmares of holding her in my arms as if she was still the infant I gave up and it pains me to even think of her now.
This void is un-fillable. I have done it all to try but nothing, nothing fills it. My life is a empty slate in front of me and I don't even feel up to drawling a future on it simply because I don't care. Not ehough to try anymore or ever. I know the meds I take are suppose to help these feelings but I think any person can feels this and most likely does.
I feel like I am waiting...just waiting for her to come home. When she does I feel I will be able to function again. I can deal without my perfect other but not my daughter.
Amethyst I love you...with my very soul. I have done it all for you!
"You came into my world and fucked it up. I hate you for that and I love you for it as well. - Me"
While I was smoking I though of how I felt on the inside. I don't normally give this a whole lot of thought since it always makes me feel sad.
This will be my first post with lots of info about my inner workings so sorry if you read something a little fucked up.
I feel empty all the time. People would think I live a very full life but that is something I can easy protray...truth is I am unhappy and empty inside. Why?! For a lot of reasons but the main reasons are that I have not found my true other...and if I have I can not be with him. Then I also do not have my daughter...my first daughter. She will be 9 this year. I have not seen her in almost 8 years. That is a long time to go without someone that means the world to you...
I wounder every waking moment if she is ok, if she is alive, if she is healthy, and mostly if she is happy. I have nightmares of holding her in my arms as if she was still the infant I gave up and it pains me to even think of her now.
This void is un-fillable. I have done it all to try but nothing, nothing fills it. My life is a empty slate in front of me and I don't even feel up to drawling a future on it simply because I don't care. Not ehough to try anymore or ever. I know the meds I take are suppose to help these feelings but I think any person can feels this and most likely does.
I feel like I am waiting...just waiting for her to come home. When she does I feel I will be able to function again. I can deal without my perfect other but not my daughter.
Amethyst I love you...with my very soul. I have done it all for you!
"You came into my world and fucked it up. I hate you for that and I love you for it as well. - Me"