Life Changes
Apparently, I have a lot of problems... I'm going to a psychologist now and it's pretty amazing how ready I am to change. After dropping an entire summer session of classes, I feel like life is ready to work out and that my anxieties will finally melt away. It's nice to know you're not crazy, or that you are and it's fixable. It's also nice to know that within a week, I'll be hiking up the mountains in California with my family for a week with no other human contact. I think the core of my problems started around the beginning of high school and maybe during middle school. I really need to find new friends who aren't negative and actually support me and who I am. It'd be nice to feel accepted, even if everyone actually is accepting me and I just can't tell. I'm going insane about everything lately but I really feel like, finally, I'll be okay; with myself, with everyone, with life. This message is really filled with a lot of unanswered questions for my future self. But I think that I'll remember the answers over time.*
(*hint to future me: depression, social anxiety disorder, medication, Rachel, Philip, Cody, everyone I know, parents, foot tapping, twitching, biting lips, pulling fingers, crying, hyperventilating, panic attacks... jogged yet?)
What's funny is that, me posting this journal entry makes a huge step for me. I need to be able to face that some people who I don't really know all that well anymore are going to see my weaknesses, and I should be okay with that. Because, I am who I am, and I should love me for every part of it. (or atleast that's what I'm working to attain)
(*hint to future me: depression, social anxiety disorder, medication, Rachel, Philip, Cody, everyone I know, parents, foot tapping, twitching, biting lips, pulling fingers, crying, hyperventilating, panic attacks... jogged yet?)
What's funny is that, me posting this journal entry makes a huge step for me. I need to be able to face that some people who I don't really know all that well anymore are going to see my weaknesses, and I should be okay with that. Because, I am who I am, and I should love me for every part of it. (or atleast that's what I'm working to attain)