You're a better king than the one leading this army.
Briseis: Why did you choose this life?
Achilles: What life?
Briseis: To be a great warrior.
Achilles: I chose nothing. I was born and this is what I am.
This is what I am...
Take it or leave it...
I am the one who has overcame diversity in my life...
Time...
and Time...
Again...
This is no different...
They say fighting the demons within you will set you free. They also say fighting the demons could kill you. There is risks when it comes to demons. Some don't even leave you...they become a part of you...
I've fought demons most of my life...trying to free myself of the cold and of the darkness. I cannot though. No matter how hard I try, they come back...stronger. So why fight it anymore?? Why fight them under their terms??
I welcome them...
I welcome the bitter cold...
I welcome the endless darkness...
I welcome them...
Welcome to my world...
Enjoy your stay...
It is who I am...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Freaky is it not?? Dark and evil. I'm not depressed...I'm no evil conqueror. Just determined. Determined to 'clean out my closet' and get rid of the darkness inside of me. 'Keep your friends closer...and your enemies even closer'. I accept the cold and darkness as myself, but I control them...they do not control me. I've fought to long to let depression become the end of me. I've fought to long to let everything bother me as it used to.
I remember times when I honestly felt there was no hope for me...When the icy cold touch of death was near. 'Close, but no cigar'. Depression was my strongest foe and now I have become the stronger.
I enjoy life now. Loneliness doesn't bother me quite as much anymore. I have myself...I have my hopes...my ambitions...my dreams...my life. Senior year was my turning point. Senior year was where I gained the advantage. Senior year was where I learned to control my emotions...control my hunger for loving care...control my desire for more. Don't get me wrong, I would love to find love and life. I would love to have them apart of my life. I'm just content now with what I have.
I intend to keep my life that way...
Happiness comes from oneself. It doesn't come from somebody else. You cannot depend on anybody other than yourself to make you happy. If you're not content on being who you are and how you live, you will never find happiness...not everlasting happiness anyway. It's something I've learned the past two years. It's something I've learned to see within people. Depending on happiness from somebody else was my biggest downfall. It was where I lost all control. When you lose everything...you tend to lose yourself in the process...yourself and your way back to being 'you'.
I refuse in being the sole reason for happiness...
I will not allow somebody to put me in that position...
I'm sorry...
I just can't let somebody fall in the same pitfall I did...
I will help them find what they need, but I WILL NOT be the only reason.
'I was born and this is what I am.'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Helen: Before you came to Sparta, I was a ghost. I walked and I ate and I swam in the sea. I was just a ghost.
Life tends to be like this a lot, does it not? The same things..day in and day out...never changing.
I tend to see that a lot as I go through my work term. Wake up, get ready, go to work, come home, nap, TV, random event of the day, sleep. Nothing like school. The only thing for certain at school is the school part. Everything else changes from day to day. Never the same thing. It's what I miss. It's what I hope to change within the next couple of months. Who knows what will happen. Who knows where I'll be in the next year. If everything goes well I'll stay in one place for more than 6 months at one time.
I think moving to a different school would raise my self esteem more and wouldn't tire me out as much. Moving every three months tends to put mental and physical wear on me. Emotional is not as bad. It's most like living at home except without my ma and pa not getting after me. It's the dreading of moving. I wish I could just stay put...create better friendships...have the ability to do things with people for most of the year instead of half of the year. Granted, I do get the work experience I need in the field I am persuing, but it's not worth having the total 'college experience'. Plus, I could work when I go to college (which is hard to do when I'm at school cuz most people don't hire for three months).
Now I wouldn't say I hate my life where it is right now, cause I'm not. I just hate the moving part. I like Kettering. I just wish I wouldn't have to move and pay $26,000 a year. It makes quite a hole in your pocket. Hopefully, this year, it'll go down to $20,000 if that. I hope I can become an RA just for the experience that'll come with it.
My friend Jen will be there next term, as well as Nicole. It'll be great to have them both there, especially Jenn. I miss her a lot. She's like my best friend. I haven't seen her since last summer and the anticipation is killing me. I have two pictures of her and it doesn't help to look at them. It'll be good when I get to laugh with her again and take the late night trips to Walgreens to get cough medicine so I can breathe and talk without coughing...that wasn't a very good night...sleeping during those nights wasn't any better either. The worst part...it was August...stupid Kettering and having it's Winter-like AC. Grrrrr....
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I should get going. Work is almost over. I'll try and update later.
Achilles: What life?
Briseis: To be a great warrior.
Achilles: I chose nothing. I was born and this is what I am.
This is what I am...
Take it or leave it...
I am the one who has overcame diversity in my life...
Time...
and Time...
Again...
This is no different...
They say fighting the demons within you will set you free. They also say fighting the demons could kill you. There is risks when it comes to demons. Some don't even leave you...they become a part of you...
I've fought demons most of my life...trying to free myself of the cold and of the darkness. I cannot though. No matter how hard I try, they come back...stronger. So why fight it anymore?? Why fight them under their terms??
I welcome them...
I welcome the bitter cold...
I welcome the endless darkness...
I welcome them...
Welcome to my world...
Enjoy your stay...
It is who I am...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Freaky is it not?? Dark and evil. I'm not depressed...I'm no evil conqueror. Just determined. Determined to 'clean out my closet' and get rid of the darkness inside of me. 'Keep your friends closer...and your enemies even closer'. I accept the cold and darkness as myself, but I control them...they do not control me. I've fought to long to let depression become the end of me. I've fought to long to let everything bother me as it used to.
I remember times when I honestly felt there was no hope for me...When the icy cold touch of death was near. 'Close, but no cigar'. Depression was my strongest foe and now I have become the stronger.
I enjoy life now. Loneliness doesn't bother me quite as much anymore. I have myself...I have my hopes...my ambitions...my dreams...my life. Senior year was my turning point. Senior year was where I gained the advantage. Senior year was where I learned to control my emotions...control my hunger for loving care...control my desire for more. Don't get me wrong, I would love to find love and life. I would love to have them apart of my life. I'm just content now with what I have.
I intend to keep my life that way...
Happiness comes from oneself. It doesn't come from somebody else. You cannot depend on anybody other than yourself to make you happy. If you're not content on being who you are and how you live, you will never find happiness...not everlasting happiness anyway. It's something I've learned the past two years. It's something I've learned to see within people. Depending on happiness from somebody else was my biggest downfall. It was where I lost all control. When you lose everything...you tend to lose yourself in the process...yourself and your way back to being 'you'.
I refuse in being the sole reason for happiness...
I will not allow somebody to put me in that position...
I'm sorry...
I just can't let somebody fall in the same pitfall I did...
I will help them find what they need, but I WILL NOT be the only reason.
'I was born and this is what I am.'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Helen: Before you came to Sparta, I was a ghost. I walked and I ate and I swam in the sea. I was just a ghost.
Life tends to be like this a lot, does it not? The same things..day in and day out...never changing.
I tend to see that a lot as I go through my work term. Wake up, get ready, go to work, come home, nap, TV, random event of the day, sleep. Nothing like school. The only thing for certain at school is the school part. Everything else changes from day to day. Never the same thing. It's what I miss. It's what I hope to change within the next couple of months. Who knows what will happen. Who knows where I'll be in the next year. If everything goes well I'll stay in one place for more than 6 months at one time.
I think moving to a different school would raise my self esteem more and wouldn't tire me out as much. Moving every three months tends to put mental and physical wear on me. Emotional is not as bad. It's most like living at home except without my ma and pa not getting after me. It's the dreading of moving. I wish I could just stay put...create better friendships...have the ability to do things with people for most of the year instead of half of the year. Granted, I do get the work experience I need in the field I am persuing, but it's not worth having the total 'college experience'. Plus, I could work when I go to college (which is hard to do when I'm at school cuz most people don't hire for three months).
Now I wouldn't say I hate my life where it is right now, cause I'm not. I just hate the moving part. I like Kettering. I just wish I wouldn't have to move and pay $26,000 a year. It makes quite a hole in your pocket. Hopefully, this year, it'll go down to $20,000 if that. I hope I can become an RA just for the experience that'll come with it.
My friend Jen will be there next term, as well as Nicole. It'll be great to have them both there, especially Jenn. I miss her a lot. She's like my best friend. I haven't seen her since last summer and the anticipation is killing me. I have two pictures of her and it doesn't help to look at them. It'll be good when I get to laugh with her again and take the late night trips to Walgreens to get cough medicine so I can breathe and talk without coughing...that wasn't a very good night...sleeping during those nights wasn't any better either. The worst part...it was August...stupid Kettering and having it's Winter-like AC. Grrrrr....
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I should get going. Work is almost over. I'll try and update later.