Red Dwarf Drabble 2
TITLE: Untitled Set of Red Dwarf Drabbles and short stories: Drabble 2
RATING: PG-13, future drabbles may vary in rating.
SUMMARY: A slightly alternate universe from the original Red Dwarf series where Lister and Rimmer got together as a couple rather than completely disliking each other.
AUTHORESS' NOTE: Anyone who has seen the majority of Red Dwarf will know that Alternate Universe's are a completely viable excuse for this kind of thing... The characters in the series found a ton of them .... Well, at least three.
This qualifies as a drabble as it's just under 1000 words long.
“They're all dead?” Lister asked, the fact he was alone finally sinking in.
“Well, I was able to bring one back as a hologram in order to help keep you from goin' completely insane while I try to get us back to Earth.” Holly replied.
“Oh? And who did you bring back? Peterson? Chan? Kitchansky?” Lister asked, thinking of his best friends on the ship.
“No, sorry, 'fraid not.” Came a familiar voice from the doorway. Lister spun around in shock.
“Rimmer?!”
“Yes me, you goit! This situation is entirely your fault! If you hadn't distracted me I wouldn't have messed up while repairing the drive shaft!”
“Me?! I wasn't even there!”
“Do you have absolutely no recollection of what you did just before you went into stasis?”
“Sure I remember. I got up, was told I only had 2 hours to finish my business. So I went down and had a drink with the guys, said goodbye to Frankenstein, came back up here and... Oh yeah~!” Lister replied, smiling as the memory cleared up and started to seem as though it was just a few hours ago.
“'Oh yeah~!' YOU GOIT! I couldn't think straight for days afterwards! What was that supposed to be anyway? Some sort of practical joke? Sometimes I can't believe I -” Rimmer stopped short and staved off a blush.
“You can't believe what?” Lister asked.
“Nothing...” Lister suppressed a smirk.
“Oh really? And here I thought you were going to finish that sentence off with “I ever doodled hearts with our names in them in my diary.” The blush that Rimmer was staving off came to his face full force.
“How did - ... I don't know what you're talking about.”
“The words 'Oh my god I don't know why I'm committing this to paper, if he ever read this he'd kill me, I know he thinks I'm a complete smeghead' don't ring a bell at all then?” Lister got up from his seat and sauntered over towards Rimmer - who felt he would've died of the embarrassment save for the fact he was already dead.
“I was right wasn't I? The kiss was a joke, you read my diary and were trying to figure out the best possible payoff for your amusement. So once your cat was caught you realized you could kiss me before going into stasis and not only would I have to agonize over what you meant for months - but also, by the time you got out I might've finally had the courage to own up to how I feel about you to your face and you were gonna record it and show it in public somewhere and make me look like a complete and utter prat in front of everyone! And you'd all have yet another thing about me to make fun of, have another few laughs on ol' Rimmie!”
“... How long have you been working on that theory?” Lister asked. Rimmer's paranoia deflated a little at the placating tone of Lister's voice.
“A little over a month.” He said miserably. “All I needed was the last piece of the puzzle. Finding out that you read my diary was it.”
“Well... considering how paranoid you can be it was pretty good... allow me to point out a few things that make it absolutely wrong, shall I?” Lister replied.
“Oh god yes.”
“Point one: You already look like a totally prat, so there would be no point in pulling a prank that would simply state the obvious. Point two: Even after that first point I'm a generally nice guy. Don't get me wrong, I love to tease you mercilessly, but I don't make fun of people for their feelings. Plus, even if I did I wouldn't have the heart to make fun of someone for thinking they're in love with me, my ego wouldn't allow it.” Lister stated.
“I guess not.”
“Point three: given all the pranks I've pulled on you in the past I'd think you'd be able to tell by now that I like being around for the prank to unfold, I mean, the outcomes are hilarious - but if I were to pull a prank like that I'd get so much more amusement out of watching you agonize over what to do or say about the kiss, rather than outing you to the entire crew. Pulling a prank like that just before going into stasis would have been completely pointless.”
“Also true...” Rimmer conceded. “But if it wasn't a prank why would you do that to me? What would the point of letting me agonize over it for so long be?” Lister looked at him as though he was the dumbest thing on Earth.
“You mean you had the room alone for over a month and you didn't bother trying to snoop through my diary? ... Hell, you mean after I explained all that to you, you still don't know?” Lister asked, astonished.
“He fancies you, you idiot.” Holly piped up.
“Thank you Holly.” Lister deadpanned.
“You.... No you don't!” Rimmer exclaimed, his face turning red and his shoulders going rigid. Lister just stood there staring incredulously at Rimmer for a moment.
“Okay, I'm not going to stand here all day trying to convince a dead guy that I fancy him or I would start completely doubting my sanity.” Lister stated. “Holly, other than the fact the entire crew is dead is there anything else I need to know about?” Lister asked, turning to the computer panel.
“The fact that you fancy him at all makes me already begin to question your sanity.” Holly replied. Lister just rolled his eyes and left the control room. Rimmer stood there for a moment before finally processing the conversation.
“Wait a minute! Lister you GIT! How dare you give me a confession like that AFTER I'M DEAD!!” he shouted, stalking after the man.
RATING: PG-13, future drabbles may vary in rating.
SUMMARY: A slightly alternate universe from the original Red Dwarf series where Lister and Rimmer got together as a couple rather than completely disliking each other.
AUTHORESS' NOTE: Anyone who has seen the majority of Red Dwarf will know that Alternate Universe's are a completely viable excuse for this kind of thing... The characters in the series found a ton of them .... Well, at least three.
This qualifies as a drabble as it's just under 1000 words long.
“They're all dead?” Lister asked, the fact he was alone finally sinking in.
“Well, I was able to bring one back as a hologram in order to help keep you from goin' completely insane while I try to get us back to Earth.” Holly replied.
“Oh? And who did you bring back? Peterson? Chan? Kitchansky?” Lister asked, thinking of his best friends on the ship.
“No, sorry, 'fraid not.” Came a familiar voice from the doorway. Lister spun around in shock.
“Rimmer?!”
“Yes me, you goit! This situation is entirely your fault! If you hadn't distracted me I wouldn't have messed up while repairing the drive shaft!”
“Me?! I wasn't even there!”
“Do you have absolutely no recollection of what you did just before you went into stasis?”
“Sure I remember. I got up, was told I only had 2 hours to finish my business. So I went down and had a drink with the guys, said goodbye to Frankenstein, came back up here and... Oh yeah~!” Lister replied, smiling as the memory cleared up and started to seem as though it was just a few hours ago.
“'Oh yeah~!' YOU GOIT! I couldn't think straight for days afterwards! What was that supposed to be anyway? Some sort of practical joke? Sometimes I can't believe I -” Rimmer stopped short and staved off a blush.
“You can't believe what?” Lister asked.
“Nothing...” Lister suppressed a smirk.
“Oh really? And here I thought you were going to finish that sentence off with “I ever doodled hearts with our names in them in my diary.” The blush that Rimmer was staving off came to his face full force.
“How did - ... I don't know what you're talking about.”
“The words 'Oh my god I don't know why I'm committing this to paper, if he ever read this he'd kill me, I know he thinks I'm a complete smeghead' don't ring a bell at all then?” Lister got up from his seat and sauntered over towards Rimmer - who felt he would've died of the embarrassment save for the fact he was already dead.
“I was right wasn't I? The kiss was a joke, you read my diary and were trying to figure out the best possible payoff for your amusement. So once your cat was caught you realized you could kiss me before going into stasis and not only would I have to agonize over what you meant for months - but also, by the time you got out I might've finally had the courage to own up to how I feel about you to your face and you were gonna record it and show it in public somewhere and make me look like a complete and utter prat in front of everyone! And you'd all have yet another thing about me to make fun of, have another few laughs on ol' Rimmie!”
“... How long have you been working on that theory?” Lister asked. Rimmer's paranoia deflated a little at the placating tone of Lister's voice.
“A little over a month.” He said miserably. “All I needed was the last piece of the puzzle. Finding out that you read my diary was it.”
“Well... considering how paranoid you can be it was pretty good... allow me to point out a few things that make it absolutely wrong, shall I?” Lister replied.
“Oh god yes.”
“Point one: You already look like a totally prat, so there would be no point in pulling a prank that would simply state the obvious. Point two: Even after that first point I'm a generally nice guy. Don't get me wrong, I love to tease you mercilessly, but I don't make fun of people for their feelings. Plus, even if I did I wouldn't have the heart to make fun of someone for thinking they're in love with me, my ego wouldn't allow it.” Lister stated.
“I guess not.”
“Point three: given all the pranks I've pulled on you in the past I'd think you'd be able to tell by now that I like being around for the prank to unfold, I mean, the outcomes are hilarious - but if I were to pull a prank like that I'd get so much more amusement out of watching you agonize over what to do or say about the kiss, rather than outing you to the entire crew. Pulling a prank like that just before going into stasis would have been completely pointless.”
“Also true...” Rimmer conceded. “But if it wasn't a prank why would you do that to me? What would the point of letting me agonize over it for so long be?” Lister looked at him as though he was the dumbest thing on Earth.
“You mean you had the room alone for over a month and you didn't bother trying to snoop through my diary? ... Hell, you mean after I explained all that to you, you still don't know?” Lister asked, astonished.
“He fancies you, you idiot.” Holly piped up.
“Thank you Holly.” Lister deadpanned.
“You.... No you don't!” Rimmer exclaimed, his face turning red and his shoulders going rigid. Lister just stood there staring incredulously at Rimmer for a moment.
“Okay, I'm not going to stand here all day trying to convince a dead guy that I fancy him or I would start completely doubting my sanity.” Lister stated. “Holly, other than the fact the entire crew is dead is there anything else I need to know about?” Lister asked, turning to the computer panel.
“The fact that you fancy him at all makes me already begin to question your sanity.” Holly replied. Lister just rolled his eyes and left the control room. Rimmer stood there for a moment before finally processing the conversation.
“Wait a minute! Lister you GIT! How dare you give me a confession like that AFTER I'M DEAD!!” he shouted, stalking after the man.