Took a little nap....
And now I feel a little bit better. I went upstairs after I wrote the last entry and took a little nap! :) I feel a little better now. I am not as tired, I just don't want to go to school tonight. I hate this class that I have on Mondays and Thursdays. It is the most boring class I have ever had in my entire life. Oh well, I gotta do it right? I don't have that much longer to go! So, I can grin and bare it :)
Today has been one of those thinking days. I am not in a bad mood or feeling crappy, just been thinking about life and Will and stuff like that. I worry about everything a little too much. I just worry a lot that Will is gonna get sick of me one of these days and do what I did to him. I wouldn't feel so bad if I didn't do it before to him, but I worry about it all the time. I know I shouldn't worry about it, but I do. I think about it at least 2 times a day. I just think that he will find someone better than me or something. I always worry about the cheating thing too. I know he says he would never do that and of course I believe him, but it is always in the back of someone's mind! Ya know? I am sure he thinks about it too with me. I don't think about that one as much but it is always in the back of your mind. B/c now a days it seems like no one in this world can just stay with one person for their life, they either get bored or they just don't care, and they start cheating. I don't know, I guess I just love Will a lot and I would like to be with him forever. I do have some trust issues but I am trying to work those things out. I do trust Will. But there are those thoughts in the back of my head. I don't want to lose him. I really hope that I don't.
The last relationship that I had wasn't too much of a good one. My last boyfriend coudln't keep it in his pants. He always had to have girls around him, even when he was with me for 2 years, he always had those girls around him. As back ups. I don't think he ever cheated on me, but he wanted to take a "break" with me and the next day he went to this girls house and slept with her, and then slept with someone else the next week. It was just crazy. B/c the whole time he was doing that, he was calling me and telling me he still loved me and that he was thinking about everything and that we would get back together soon! He would always tell me that. When he really knew he would never get back with me, he just wanted me around in case the other bitches didn't work out. So, finally after believing him for so long, I finally just gave up. It was hard, but I did it. After that relationship, I have had really BIG trust issues with people. B/c he lied so much that I don't know what is true and what is a lie that comes out of peoples mouths ya know? I know I am not the only one with those kinds of issues, I am sure Will has those kinds of issues too b/c of his past relationships. I do believe what he says to me, but those thoughts are always in the back of my mind. I try not to think about it, but they are always there.
I don't want that to happen again. I don't want to love someone with all my heart, just to have them crush it once again. I know I did that to him, but I was lucky b/c he still loves me and he took me back. Now things are going great between us, or at least I think they are. I am not saying everything is perfect, we still have our issues, but who doesn't? I just love him a lot and I miss him a lot when he isn't around. I could honestly see myself being with him forever, and he has said the same thing about me too. I just hope that this time it is for real. I don't want to get my heart broken again. And I am sure that he doesn't want his broken again!
So that is what I have been thinking about. I think about it a lot but today I decided to tell everyone about it. I am sure these are normal thoughts, I am sure everyone else has them too, I am sure Will does too. I just have these thoughts, like I said before, b/c of the last relationship. I was totally in the dark about it all. I didn't know what he was doing behind my back and all that. That is why I always wonder what is going on behind my back. I believe that Will isn't doing anything, but like I said, there is always that doubt. I don't believe that Will would do that, but always that doubt. And I am sure he thinks the same thing about me. I am sure he fears that I am gonna do what I did to him before and all that. I keep telling him that it won't happen again, but I am sure there is doubt in his mind about it. I don't want him to worry about it, but he is gonna do it whether I want him to or not :)
I know I told Will that we needed a "break" and stuff like that, but I NEVER did what my last boyfriend did. I didn't go out with all these different guys and sleep with them. I did what I said I needed to do, I need a break to think about everything. Even when we broke up for those 4 months or whatever, I never slept with another guy or anything like that. I did make some new friends, but I never did anything with them, that is all they were, just FRIENDS. But I didn't hang out with them all the time, just once in a while. I thought about Will ever day, even if he doesn't believe that. I would never do something like that to Will. I was a good girl while we were on breaks and broke up for that period of time. I couldn't imagine lying to someone that much and doing that to someone.
I guess I need to stop worrying about it and just go with the flow. My brain is gonna start to overheat with all the stuff that I have been thinking about lately. I have so much free time that, thinking is all I have to do :) When I get that job, if I get that job, I won't have time to think about this stuff all the time :)
*~ Mandi ~*
Today has been one of those thinking days. I am not in a bad mood or feeling crappy, just been thinking about life and Will and stuff like that. I worry about everything a little too much. I just worry a lot that Will is gonna get sick of me one of these days and do what I did to him. I wouldn't feel so bad if I didn't do it before to him, but I worry about it all the time. I know I shouldn't worry about it, but I do. I think about it at least 2 times a day. I just think that he will find someone better than me or something. I always worry about the cheating thing too. I know he says he would never do that and of course I believe him, but it is always in the back of someone's mind! Ya know? I am sure he thinks about it too with me. I don't think about that one as much but it is always in the back of your mind. B/c now a days it seems like no one in this world can just stay with one person for their life, they either get bored or they just don't care, and they start cheating. I don't know, I guess I just love Will a lot and I would like to be with him forever. I do have some trust issues but I am trying to work those things out. I do trust Will. But there are those thoughts in the back of my head. I don't want to lose him. I really hope that I don't.
The last relationship that I had wasn't too much of a good one. My last boyfriend coudln't keep it in his pants. He always had to have girls around him, even when he was with me for 2 years, he always had those girls around him. As back ups. I don't think he ever cheated on me, but he wanted to take a "break" with me and the next day he went to this girls house and slept with her, and then slept with someone else the next week. It was just crazy. B/c the whole time he was doing that, he was calling me and telling me he still loved me and that he was thinking about everything and that we would get back together soon! He would always tell me that. When he really knew he would never get back with me, he just wanted me around in case the other bitches didn't work out. So, finally after believing him for so long, I finally just gave up. It was hard, but I did it. After that relationship, I have had really BIG trust issues with people. B/c he lied so much that I don't know what is true and what is a lie that comes out of peoples mouths ya know? I know I am not the only one with those kinds of issues, I am sure Will has those kinds of issues too b/c of his past relationships. I do believe what he says to me, but those thoughts are always in the back of my mind. I try not to think about it, but they are always there.
I don't want that to happen again. I don't want to love someone with all my heart, just to have them crush it once again. I know I did that to him, but I was lucky b/c he still loves me and he took me back. Now things are going great between us, or at least I think they are. I am not saying everything is perfect, we still have our issues, but who doesn't? I just love him a lot and I miss him a lot when he isn't around. I could honestly see myself being with him forever, and he has said the same thing about me too. I just hope that this time it is for real. I don't want to get my heart broken again. And I am sure that he doesn't want his broken again!
So that is what I have been thinking about. I think about it a lot but today I decided to tell everyone about it. I am sure these are normal thoughts, I am sure everyone else has them too, I am sure Will does too. I just have these thoughts, like I said before, b/c of the last relationship. I was totally in the dark about it all. I didn't know what he was doing behind my back and all that. That is why I always wonder what is going on behind my back. I believe that Will isn't doing anything, but like I said, there is always that doubt. I don't believe that Will would do that, but always that doubt. And I am sure he thinks the same thing about me. I am sure he fears that I am gonna do what I did to him before and all that. I keep telling him that it won't happen again, but I am sure there is doubt in his mind about it. I don't want him to worry about it, but he is gonna do it whether I want him to or not :)
I know I told Will that we needed a "break" and stuff like that, but I NEVER did what my last boyfriend did. I didn't go out with all these different guys and sleep with them. I did what I said I needed to do, I need a break to think about everything. Even when we broke up for those 4 months or whatever, I never slept with another guy or anything like that. I did make some new friends, but I never did anything with them, that is all they were, just FRIENDS. But I didn't hang out with them all the time, just once in a while. I thought about Will ever day, even if he doesn't believe that. I would never do something like that to Will. I was a good girl while we were on breaks and broke up for that period of time. I couldn't imagine lying to someone that much and doing that to someone.
I guess I need to stop worrying about it and just go with the flow. My brain is gonna start to overheat with all the stuff that I have been thinking about lately. I have so much free time that, thinking is all I have to do :) When I get that job, if I get that job, I won't have time to think about this stuff all the time :)
*~ Mandi ~*