spew
I have a running daily list of things I want to write down, but never do. I used to come here on a daily basis and purge myself of all those little me's running around inside my head. I need to try to do it more often, if not here...somewhere.
I was thinking last week, before the onslaught of celebrity deaths, that is, how in just a relatively short period of time, everyone on this planet will be dead and there will be a new batch of clueless, roaming souls wandering around. I started to think about the people I share the planet with. This small, blink-of-an-eye amount of time that we're all living and breathing together in. The people that popped in my head were random and strange. I thought of Jennifer Anniston, Bill Cosby, personal friends and loves and Kevin Spacey. (There is no logic to those choices other than it's who my brain picked).
I teeter back in forth in belief. Are we all connected? Are we all just parasites?
In life lately: things are good, and yet anxiety has been prevalent lately. I tend to dwell on "what if" way too long and physically react to possible impending failure, death or any variation of pain. It's really fucking stupid.
It's easy to blame my working full time, school full time, mother of two and getting married in four months reality, but in truth it's all just living. If I wasn't doing school work I'd be doing something else. I'm always a mom. The wedding will be what it will be and I don't really care about all of the particulars and work is a breeze in the park (that they pay me too much for). I think it's just fear of failure. Fear of regret. Fear of losing, something...or someone, inevitably. And like I said, it's really fucking stupid.
Mind power is so consuming, I wish I could switch it back to carefree and "whatever happens, happens."
Brandon is 12 years old. 12. I did horrible things when I was 12. I hope he's smarter than me.
So, yeah, this wasn't very helpful. I guess the more I write the more it will be.
Took a nap and had a dream about alien invasions involving body-less beings that were just a glowing yellow-green hue and didn't like the woods. *shrug* Somewhere in the dream I had sex with someone in a gas station bathroom and someone's baby died and had maggots around its mouth.
The other day I dreamt that I was Taea and I was kidnapped by cannibals. The cannibals would puke all over themselves constantly at the site of real food, and once you ate human flesh you would never be able to eat "regular food" again. As Taea, I escaped from the cannibals out of a bathroom window just before they poured acid into my bathwater. I ran into the middle of I75 and flagged down a police car and ran into my mom's (my) ecstatic arms. Although, I (Taea) had already eaten the flesh.
Analyze that!
I was thinking last week, before the onslaught of celebrity deaths, that is, how in just a relatively short period of time, everyone on this planet will be dead and there will be a new batch of clueless, roaming souls wandering around. I started to think about the people I share the planet with. This small, blink-of-an-eye amount of time that we're all living and breathing together in. The people that popped in my head were random and strange. I thought of Jennifer Anniston, Bill Cosby, personal friends and loves and Kevin Spacey. (There is no logic to those choices other than it's who my brain picked).
I teeter back in forth in belief. Are we all connected? Are we all just parasites?
In life lately: things are good, and yet anxiety has been prevalent lately. I tend to dwell on "what if" way too long and physically react to possible impending failure, death or any variation of pain. It's really fucking stupid.
It's easy to blame my working full time, school full time, mother of two and getting married in four months reality, but in truth it's all just living. If I wasn't doing school work I'd be doing something else. I'm always a mom. The wedding will be what it will be and I don't really care about all of the particulars and work is a breeze in the park (that they pay me too much for). I think it's just fear of failure. Fear of regret. Fear of losing, something...or someone, inevitably. And like I said, it's really fucking stupid.
Mind power is so consuming, I wish I could switch it back to carefree and "whatever happens, happens."
Brandon is 12 years old. 12. I did horrible things when I was 12. I hope he's smarter than me.
So, yeah, this wasn't very helpful. I guess the more I write the more it will be.
Took a nap and had a dream about alien invasions involving body-less beings that were just a glowing yellow-green hue and didn't like the woods. *shrug* Somewhere in the dream I had sex with someone in a gas station bathroom and someone's baby died and had maggots around its mouth.
The other day I dreamt that I was Taea and I was kidnapped by cannibals. The cannibals would puke all over themselves constantly at the site of real food, and once you ate human flesh you would never be able to eat "regular food" again. As Taea, I escaped from the cannibals out of a bathroom window just before they poured acid into my bathwater. I ran into the middle of I75 and flagged down a police car and ran into my mom's (my) ecstatic arms. Although, I (Taea) had already eaten the flesh.
Analyze that!