It is my month! *warning: kinda long post*
Well here it comes! And this year I am going to be 40. Looking back, I am a bit surprised. First because of my inherent shyness and bad teeth/high palate making me a loner as a child. Later, my loneliness and a bit of abuse causing depression in my teenage years (I have a strange fear of being 15 again and finding it to be pretty much as I remember it). Then the no fear as got into my twenties about bad things happening because I was running around by myself (being a loner as a child does carry into adulthood and things do happen to folks especially in foreign countries). Finally battling a bit of depression again in my 30s because I am not quite where I want to be and it seems so damn hard now. Yep, I am just a bit surprised.
Now that might have seems a bit sad and rough but really, I managed to avoid doing horrible things to myself and those few times I did do horrid things (like my recent finger incident) I have escaped from them being more than generally bad. I can truely say I have had a semi charmed life. I can see that things are okay and sure, I got stuff to do to make it alot better but can say I am not upset at all about having made it here. I look forward to more years even knowing they could be worse but I can't help but doubt it. Guess I am an optimist. Which is good.
Other news... I have had my first cold of the season and it was nasty so hopefully this is my worse and everything else will be old hat running nose and coughing a lung up. I rarely have fevers over a 100. The finger is healing. I realise I am still one of those who picks at scabs and so must resist "helping" the dead skin part go away. The new skin underneath is not quite ready to be exposed yet. It is there though. Tomorrow, I am going to indulge in my curiosity and see a buddhist monk. It is just the experience I want. Still, he may have things to say that would be very useful to me. Yep, life isn't half bad.
Now that might have seems a bit sad and rough but really, I managed to avoid doing horrible things to myself and those few times I did do horrid things (like my recent finger incident) I have escaped from them being more than generally bad. I can truely say I have had a semi charmed life. I can see that things are okay and sure, I got stuff to do to make it alot better but can say I am not upset at all about having made it here. I look forward to more years even knowing they could be worse but I can't help but doubt it. Guess I am an optimist. Which is good.
Other news... I have had my first cold of the season and it was nasty so hopefully this is my worse and everything else will be old hat running nose and coughing a lung up. I rarely have fevers over a 100. The finger is healing. I realise I am still one of those who picks at scabs and so must resist "helping" the dead skin part go away. The new skin underneath is not quite ready to be exposed yet. It is there though. Tomorrow, I am going to indulge in my curiosity and see a buddhist monk. It is just the experience I want. Still, he may have things to say that would be very useful to me. Yep, life isn't half bad.