(no subject)
i saw the last samaurai last night with brian, vinnie and sema. the movie was, not surprisingly, amazing. the way the samaurai lived was ideal. thats how things everywhere should be. oh but then there comes the greedy selfish white man, to destroy everything good cuz he wants money. bastards. and the sad part is, according to everyone ive talked to about it, that will never change. nothing is gonna make people want good things anymore. nice to know even my closest friends wont even give it a chance.
i feel like the biggest pile of shit. if its not gonna change, and silly ol' me wont be able to convince anyone to, then i feel my purpose for life is empty. i have no reason for being here. and i have no will to be here if everything that i love is simply going to be destroyed because other people's egos and fear of lacking unncessessary bullshit. i dont want to participate. i hate us. i hate us more than anything. thats another thing i realized. at this very moment, there is not a THING on this planet, so filled with horrible possibilites, that i hate more than human beings.
even if i was able to do the things i wanted, (learn languages, learn martial arts, be good at anything that would help others see things in the right perspectie) its too late now. im already 17 and ive done nothing to train myself early. i didnt even know what i wanted to do until a year ago. far past the expiration date of my ability to learn things well. i will never become fluent in more than one language. well.. maybe 2. i will never be a great martial artist. there are people that learn these things since theyre 2 years old. that will never happen for me. its simply too late.
my time is up, and i have no purpose in life. what the fuck am i sitting here for? i dont want to do this anymore. i would kill myself right now if i knew my mother didnt love me so much.. or brian.. its unbelievable how we cant see what were doing to everything weve been given. just looking out at all the new office buildings theve built across lake street within a year and a half makes me want to puke. honest to god it does. it makes me gag and feel lightheaded. that was all farmland.. not even farmland. it was land of animals and nature. it was NATURAL. it was WETLANDS.. the kind of land up here in this area is supposed to be.
whats the damn point. i dont care anymore. if nobody else cares, then i have no reason to keep whining. fuck off everyone. you arrogant, disguisting, greedy, selfish, unworthy cowards. i hope you know you dont deserve to set foot on grass or dirt. it is so much better than you.
i feel like the biggest pile of shit. if its not gonna change, and silly ol' me wont be able to convince anyone to, then i feel my purpose for life is empty. i have no reason for being here. and i have no will to be here if everything that i love is simply going to be destroyed because other people's egos and fear of lacking unncessessary bullshit. i dont want to participate. i hate us. i hate us more than anything. thats another thing i realized. at this very moment, there is not a THING on this planet, so filled with horrible possibilites, that i hate more than human beings.
even if i was able to do the things i wanted, (learn languages, learn martial arts, be good at anything that would help others see things in the right perspectie) its too late now. im already 17 and ive done nothing to train myself early. i didnt even know what i wanted to do until a year ago. far past the expiration date of my ability to learn things well. i will never become fluent in more than one language. well.. maybe 2. i will never be a great martial artist. there are people that learn these things since theyre 2 years old. that will never happen for me. its simply too late.
my time is up, and i have no purpose in life. what the fuck am i sitting here for? i dont want to do this anymore. i would kill myself right now if i knew my mother didnt love me so much.. or brian.. its unbelievable how we cant see what were doing to everything weve been given. just looking out at all the new office buildings theve built across lake street within a year and a half makes me want to puke. honest to god it does. it makes me gag and feel lightheaded. that was all farmland.. not even farmland. it was land of animals and nature. it was NATURAL. it was WETLANDS.. the kind of land up here in this area is supposed to be.
whats the damn point. i dont care anymore. if nobody else cares, then i have no reason to keep whining. fuck off everyone. you arrogant, disguisting, greedy, selfish, unworthy cowards. i hope you know you dont deserve to set foot on grass or dirt. it is so much better than you.