Why bother???
I think that I am just going to give up. Seriously - I have a good weekend, I go and spend time with my boyfriend, come home, and my parents are fighting. Nothing too odd, but it's what they're fighting about that pisses me and Brandon off...they're fighting about the two of us. And my sex life...how I'm not being safe, and how Brandon is just using me, and manipulating me, and doing sit like, "If we did this, it would be more fun."
I see their point - I need to be careful. But my parents don't understand what I am thinking, what I am feeling, how I react to things. I mean, I assume that I could be better, you know, not defend Brandon so much. I do that too much, I don't know if it's to cover his ass or mine...
I say things, and do things to cover up for him. I don't know what that means. I just read an article in Seventeen about obsessing over a man. Apparently, some girl ran over her boyfriend for fear that he was getting back with his ex. They have a small spot that says:
"Five signs you may be in way too deep
Wondering how to tell if you may be crazy in love? We asked psychotherapist Jill Murray about things to watch out for...
YOU AND YOUR GUY ARE TOGETHER 24/7. You've dropped most of your close friends and spend less time with your family.
YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR OWN INTERESTS ANYMORE. You've taken up his hobbies and let yours slide.
YOU START DOING STUFF YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE BEFORE YOU MET HIM. You start dressing solely to please him. Or you go further sexually than you want to.
YOU FEAR YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN HE LOVES YOU. Being insecure about a relationship can lead you to do drastic things.
THE THOUGHT OF BEING SINGLE IS DEVASTATING. It's great to have a guy, but it's important to be OK without one.
For help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE."
Just reading those things, I sit and think, "geeze, i've done some stuff like that." That scares me, because I don't think that I'm crazy, I just think that I go too far for fear of loosing him. I don't know if it's because he's the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with, or that he's good enough. I know that's the worst thing to say - and I shouldn't think like that, because I do love him. I know that he loves me, at least that's what he says.
I think that I just had a rough night, and I'm questioning everything that is out there, and trying to find things that are wrong, even when nothing is wrong. I just wish that I could give up and end my life. Show my parents that they made me unhappy. Because, I truely am unhappy.
Damn, my life sucks.
I see their point - I need to be careful. But my parents don't understand what I am thinking, what I am feeling, how I react to things. I mean, I assume that I could be better, you know, not defend Brandon so much. I do that too much, I don't know if it's to cover his ass or mine...
I say things, and do things to cover up for him. I don't know what that means. I just read an article in Seventeen about obsessing over a man. Apparently, some girl ran over her boyfriend for fear that he was getting back with his ex. They have a small spot that says:
"Five signs you may be in way too deep
Wondering how to tell if you may be crazy in love? We asked psychotherapist Jill Murray about things to watch out for...
YOU AND YOUR GUY ARE TOGETHER 24/7. You've dropped most of your close friends and spend less time with your family.
YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR OWN INTERESTS ANYMORE. You've taken up his hobbies and let yours slide.
YOU START DOING STUFF YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE BEFORE YOU MET HIM. You start dressing solely to please him. Or you go further sexually than you want to.
YOU FEAR YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN HE LOVES YOU. Being insecure about a relationship can lead you to do drastic things.
THE THOUGHT OF BEING SINGLE IS DEVASTATING. It's great to have a guy, but it's important to be OK without one.
For help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE."
Just reading those things, I sit and think, "geeze, i've done some stuff like that." That scares me, because I don't think that I'm crazy, I just think that I go too far for fear of loosing him. I don't know if it's because he's the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with, or that he's good enough. I know that's the worst thing to say - and I shouldn't think like that, because I do love him. I know that he loves me, at least that's what he says.
I think that I just had a rough night, and I'm questioning everything that is out there, and trying to find things that are wrong, even when nothing is wrong. I just wish that I could give up and end my life. Show my parents that they made me unhappy. Because, I truely am unhappy.
Damn, my life sucks.