*meep*
I can't believe it's been THIS long since I have updated. I've wanted to. I really did... I came here several times and just drew a complete blank. It made me feel terrible really, not even being able to talk to You. My favorites. My forespecials. I get so angry at myself for my habit of avoiding the people that I love the most when I feel off. I write entries in my head if that counts.
LOts has been going on and I have some especially good news... I got married! Yay! Right here in our backyard in our jeans with the dogs and chickens and the elder oak trees. It was a secret affair really because I didn't want others to try to influence me into making it something that I am not... something fancy and performance like. No. And I didn't want to feel nervous or self conscious. My parents and a few neighbors came down as witnesses and we had George's daughter (who is an ordained unitarian minister) marry us approximately a week before he (one of the boys) died. I will miss that sweet old man :( He wasn't able to make it to the ceremony but he was there in spirit.
Being married is a good thing, even if I DO feel like an imposter as I go through the name change papers and try on a new identity and signature. This is way more strange than when I first got my glasses even ;) I am happy though and I think it's gone a long way into getting me out of this funk that I've been in. I like that it made our connection tangible and that we had decided to finally do this BEFORE the whole baby thing happened. That and spring.... It's hard to feel so distant and apathetic when the wildflowers start blooming and the birds are back singing again. Tra la la. The woods are alive with purples and yellows!
I'm a real adult now. I'm all married and shit.
I promise to try to get back into the swing of updating again. I'm always glad when I do and I figure it's always the hardest to write the first one in a series of many :)
I need to catch up on my f-list and see how all of YOU are doing too.
LOts has been going on and I have some especially good news... I got married! Yay! Right here in our backyard in our jeans with the dogs and chickens and the elder oak trees. It was a secret affair really because I didn't want others to try to influence me into making it something that I am not... something fancy and performance like. No. And I didn't want to feel nervous or self conscious. My parents and a few neighbors came down as witnesses and we had George's daughter (who is an ordained unitarian minister) marry us approximately a week before he (one of the boys) died. I will miss that sweet old man :( He wasn't able to make it to the ceremony but he was there in spirit.
Being married is a good thing, even if I DO feel like an imposter as I go through the name change papers and try on a new identity and signature. This is way more strange than when I first got my glasses even ;) I am happy though and I think it's gone a long way into getting me out of this funk that I've been in. I like that it made our connection tangible and that we had decided to finally do this BEFORE the whole baby thing happened. That and spring.... It's hard to feel so distant and apathetic when the wildflowers start blooming and the birds are back singing again. Tra la la. The woods are alive with purples and yellows!
I'm a real adult now. I'm all married and shit.
I promise to try to get back into the swing of updating again. I'm always glad when I do and I figure it's always the hardest to write the first one in a series of many :)
I need to catch up on my f-list and see how all of YOU are doing too.