FE10 fic- Breaking the 4th Wall
Just making fun of how Ike doesn't have endings with any female characters (and how it really seems to bother some people).
"Ike put that back!' Soren lunged at him, trying to grab the papers he had just swiped from the desk. "You're not supposed to read the game script!"
"Come on, Soren. Just a little peek?"
Soren shook his head. "No, Ike. That's like cheating, don't you think?"
"If you feel that way, why do you have the script in the first place?" If Ike had been any less mature, he would have stuck out his tongue at Soren, but he refrained, knowing the fangirls would make a perverted joke about it if he did. "Where did you get that anyway?"
"Does it matter?"
"Not really, but...hey, Skrimir wants you for a moment." While Soren turned to look toward the doorway (which was really more like a tent flap), Ike snatched the script away from him.
"Skrimir's not here...hey!" Soren glared at Ike. "I can't believe I fell for that."
"I can't either, honestly. Maybe I'm working you too hard. Are you tired?"
"No. Now give that back."
"Aw, come on. I'm not going to read the whole thing. I just want to see the support endings."
Soren raised an eyebrow. "Why the support endings in particular?"
"Isn't it obvious? I want to see if I get to bang any hot babes. I mean, there's Lucia, Mia, Sigrun, Lethe... nothing here. Elincia's ok, but I don't want to be king. We'd have to keep quiet about that one."
"I don't think Geoffrey would appreciate that. Are you quite finished?"
Ike ignored him. "Mmm, nothing. What about Nephenee? I could live with that? No? Jill? Heather? Tanith? Nope. Marcia? Ilyana? Nuh-uh. This is getting ridiculous. Titania? Not even Titania. Ok, I'm getting desperate here. Aimee? No ending with even AIMEE?"
Soren looked, on the whole, rather bored. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, he decided Ike needed his advice. "It might be easier to look up yourself," he suggested.
"Hey, you're right. That IS a good idea.....Ike, Ike, Ike..let's see..." He flipped through the pages for a moment, then scratched his head in confusion. "This can't be right."
"What can't be right?"
"I don't get any endings with girls. Not even a creepy incest one with Mist."
"No? What kind of ending DID you get? You don't die, do you?" Soren looked worried at his last suggestion.
"Wait, you really didn't read this? I only get endings with guys! One with you, and one with Ranulf. I guess that means I'm gay and so are you."
"It doesn't seem likely that we're both gay without realizing it." Soren shrugged. "Then again, if the script says so, we may as well get a head start on things." He took a deep breath, then sighed. "Ike, will you marry me?"
"Soren, I don't think that's even legal! There has to be a better solution. I know!" He grabbed Soren's pen and started scribbling furiously on the paper. "This is better."
"Let me see that. 'Ike traveled around the world, amassing a harem of hot chicks everywhere he went.'Ike, this is ridiculous." He paused a moment. "Ike, do you smell smoke?"
Ike sniffed the air. "Yeah, now that you mention it, I do. HOLY CRAP! THE TENT IS ON FIRE!" He dropped the script on the ground, grabbed Soren by the arm, and dragged him outside.
Tormod was standing just outside the tent to greet them. "Sorry about that, guys. I was practicing my magic, and I kinda missed the target."
Soren gave him a death glare. "I'll save the lecture on carelessness for later. For now, we need to focus on putting this fire out."
The three of them managed to put out the fire in time to save the tent, but unfortunately, the script caught fire when Ike dropped it. There was nothing left but a wad of charred paper.
Ike stared at it. "Great. Now what are we supposed to do?"
Soren shook his head. "I don't know either, but it looks like we won't have to get married."
Before Tormod could ask Soren what the heck he meant by that, Micaiah ran up to them, panting.
"It took awhile, but *pant* I got the spare copy of *pant* the script, like you wanted." She handed it to Soren, and the two stared at each other with a 'this sucks' kind of look.
"I guess we should start planning the wedding now," Ike mumbled to no one in particular.