It starts today.
Current mood: indescribable
Today last year was the last time I saw my dad standing, walking, and relatively healthy. Tonight will mark the anniversary of the last time I got to sit next to my dad, talk to him, joke with him, and listen to him ask me to sing a song with him. To which I always refused. Why? Because I was self conscious. I didn’t want others to hear my voice. So I’d joke it off and say something stupid like “oooohhhh! You’re Christian! You’re not allowed to sing those songs!”
I should’ve just gone ahead and sung the song.
He wanted to go to Mexico and meet up with some old buddies from his youth. He had “business” with them he said. My mom took a good look at my dad and told my uncle that my dad didn’t look well. He looked too fragile to be able to make such a long hard trip.
Boy was that ever true.
So last year Thanksgiving morning we saw my dad into my uncles truck and sent him back home. I hugged my dad looked deep into his eyes and knew.
I knew I’d never see my dad walk again.
Friday afternoon my aunt came to tell us that my dad was in the hospital. He’d slipped into a coma for a bit, but he was back from it. It still wasn’t good.
My mom went to Fresno with my aunt & uncle.
I had to wait begging the powers above to just let me see him. I went to work. I worked all week. And the next Friday (Dec 3rd )I made the trip.
Straight from the road we went to the hospital.
My mom and I spent the night with him.
I got the late night shift.
I got to spend some of my dads last moments with him.
I’m thankful for that.
He couldn’t even talk.
The man who’d moved around and got things done couldn’t even get out of bed or talk. The man who no matter how old he was loved to flirt with pretty ladies…
I’d talk to him. Tell him how lucky he was because all of the nurses taking care of him were pretty.
He managed to say a few words to me.
He wanted me to go do my homework. Even at the last moments he was thinking of others. He was so proud of me wanting to become a teacher.
Yeah I’m going to miss him.
And by the 4th my dad just didn’t make it. My heart was ripped in two and my life changed in ways I didn’t even imagined it would.
So I tell you all of this why?
Well… I’m more than likely going to be in a shitty mood. I’m going to cry at funny times. I’m going to zone out and be even harder to deal with than usual.
So… Just a heads up.
Today last year was the last time I saw my dad standing, walking, and relatively healthy. Tonight will mark the anniversary of the last time I got to sit next to my dad, talk to him, joke with him, and listen to him ask me to sing a song with him. To which I always refused. Why? Because I was self conscious. I didn’t want others to hear my voice. So I’d joke it off and say something stupid like “oooohhhh! You’re Christian! You’re not allowed to sing those songs!”
I should’ve just gone ahead and sung the song.
He wanted to go to Mexico and meet up with some old buddies from his youth. He had “business” with them he said. My mom took a good look at my dad and told my uncle that my dad didn’t look well. He looked too fragile to be able to make such a long hard trip.
Boy was that ever true.
So last year Thanksgiving morning we saw my dad into my uncles truck and sent him back home. I hugged my dad looked deep into his eyes and knew.
I knew I’d never see my dad walk again.
Friday afternoon my aunt came to tell us that my dad was in the hospital. He’d slipped into a coma for a bit, but he was back from it. It still wasn’t good.
My mom went to Fresno with my aunt & uncle.
I had to wait begging the powers above to just let me see him. I went to work. I worked all week. And the next Friday (Dec 3rd )I made the trip.
Straight from the road we went to the hospital.
My mom and I spent the night with him.
I got the late night shift.
I got to spend some of my dads last moments with him.
I’m thankful for that.
He couldn’t even talk.
The man who’d moved around and got things done couldn’t even get out of bed or talk. The man who no matter how old he was loved to flirt with pretty ladies…
I’d talk to him. Tell him how lucky he was because all of the nurses taking care of him were pretty.
He managed to say a few words to me.
He wanted me to go do my homework. Even at the last moments he was thinking of others. He was so proud of me wanting to become a teacher.
Yeah I’m going to miss him.
And by the 4th my dad just didn’t make it. My heart was ripped in two and my life changed in ways I didn’t even imagined it would.
So I tell you all of this why?
Well… I’m more than likely going to be in a shitty mood. I’m going to cry at funny times. I’m going to zone out and be even harder to deal with than usual.
So… Just a heads up.