An open letter to all Rushies
... who believe what the person I went to see Geoffrey Rush with on March 2 (someone who, BTW, only appeared on the Rushie community shortly before the opening of Diary of a Madman and whom I actually encouraged and helped to figure out how to use LJ AND e-mail) alleged about me in my friends-only journal posts shortly afterwards. I'm writing this because her subsequent falsehoods and nastiness have been eating away at me for months and succeeded in causing my my mental state to deteriorate further and further. And she CONTINUES to take potshots at people like me with medically documented and legally adjudicated disabilities, calling us ALL--"lazy, pathetic ... pukes." (Unlike Australia--where you can, say, be an alcoholic and thus eligible for the dole--and possibly other countries, the American Social Security system that I paid into for 26 years is NOT a giveaway or a "doleout," and it is very difficult to get and stay on. Of course a few cheaters may fall through the cracks, but in this economy especially, not ALL of us are liars or thieves who take advantage of the system. In this country, Social Security and Workers' Comp are monitored closely, and it is not possible to live comfortably on Social Security and Medicare--which, incidentally, you have to pay for out of your SSD benefits. It would be much more profitable working for minimum wage.)
As I said in those friends-only posts and directly to her, nothing I wrote about her was intended in any negative way whatsoever, but she took certain comments that were in no way about HER or, if they even mentioned her, intended to be a means of "throwing [her] under the bus" as she alleged. In fact, until she sent me cruel and bullying e-mails taking aim in particular at my disabilities while refusing even to ACKNOWLEDGE my apologies and attempts to straighten things out with her privately, I had THOUGHT we were friends and was utterly dismayed by her bizarre and, frankly, paranoid reaction to my very hurried attempts to answer everyone's pressing questions about how the play/Geoffrey encounter went.
In addition to her e-mail, she further alleged publicly in her journal that I was "disappointed," "delusional," and expected champagne and rose petals to be thrown at my feet upon meeting Geoffrey Rush and that SHE had somehow SAVED him from me, implying that I was some sort of deranged stalker, when I'M not the one who flew in from out of town to see him in the same play FOUR SEPARATE TIMES. She further asserted that I was directing my "anger" about it towards her ("spewing poisonous vile" [sic]) rather than at him. (I think she meant "BILE," but since my gallbladder surgery, I don't have any to spew!)
NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!!!!!!
As I detailed when I finally spent an entire night posting the FULL story of our Geoffrey encounter from my perspective, all my hopes for the occasion were more than fulfilled, EXCEPT for (1) the bitter cold wind we endured outside the stage door for a good long time before he emerged warmly dressed in a hat, coat, and scarf, looking ready to go out for a night on the town, and (2) the passive-aggressive woman who appeared out of nowhere continually interrupting our brief-enough conversation with him after he finished greeting his friends and then dragged him back inside the stage door as if he were a helpless child, supposedly, as she told us with a blatantly fake smile plastered on her face, to keep him warm (AFTER he had just responded to my quiet comment to him about the "lovely" weather that, "It's not that bad") when he seemed perfectly relaxed talking to us and was even adding asides of his own as though he'd have been glad to continue chatting for a few more minutes. (And those of us who've met him before KNOW that he is perfectly capable of letting us know when HE deems it's time for him to go.)
My happy memory of that meeting, however, was severely marred by the aftermath of misunderstandings and extremely pointed and cruel words written to me in an e-mail by this cyberbully who had been disguising herself as a friend. It was at that point that I banned her from making any further posts in my journal in order to end the drama--the FIRST time I have ever had to use that feature in four years on LiveJournal.
Her initial behavior, ongoing refusal to make ANY effort to straighten the situation out, and continuing presence in the Rushie community continues to cause me an immense degree of pain and distress to the point where I cannot bring myself to post in the community anymore for fear of being misunderstood and attacked again, and I still feel alienated from certain people in the formerly close-knit group who seem to believe the absurd things she asserts that I said about her. (If you know me at all, you know that I would never say things like that to or about another Rushie, no matter HOW intensely our perspectives diverged. But, after more than two months of this untenable situation, she has forced me to the point where I have to choose between the last shreds of my sanity and throwing her under the bus.)
I know most of you are still my friends, and I love you dearly, but I feel that certain others have been giving me the cold shoulder ever since, and that's what really hurts the most after all these years. I still love Geoffrey Rush as much as ever (and can't imagine what I or anyone else could have to be angry with him about as he is one of the kindest, most thoughtful, wittiest, and generous human beings I have ever met, celebrity or not), but I have stopped posting in the community because I no longer feel welcome as a "Rushie."
There's no need for you to reply to this message, especially if all you have to repeat like a broken record is, "Whateverrrr. I wish you happiness x." I'm not making this entry in search of a "there there" pat on the back as I know who my friends really are, and I'm deeply grateful for all those who have expressed your understanding and support. I just needed, from a therapeutical standpoint, to get this off my chest and take steps to TRY (probably still in vain) to set the record straight about why you've not seen me in the community, much as I'd like to be part of it like I was before this person came along to ruin the once-pleasant, harmonious, non-judgemental, and supportive atmosphere of the group for me--an atmosphere that befits the fans of a person with those same qualities and apparently doesn't have a mean bone in his body. Even when we agreed to disagree, I thought they were interesting and thoughtful discussions, and no one (to my knowledge) had ever resorted to ad hominem (that means "personal," for anyone who doesn't know the difference between "bile" and "vile") attacks on another Rushie before. (Then again, maybe certain of you consider my absence a blessing. I have no way of knowing as that person's replies to me, if any, have been enigmatic and cool at best.) Either way, all I'm trying to do is set the record straight ... and wish that person happiness x. Whatever.
PS: And now my mother has called 911, and I'm on my way to the hospital thanks to Jen's latest "stealth" cyberbullying attack. Coming to take me away, indeed. Mission accomplished, 1lonelymulga.
PPS: My mother is having chest pains too now and will hav eto come with me.
Edit: I've f-locked this post since some of your replies have been quite personal (I appreciate knowing I'm not alone and that you're not all running the other way from the "crazy" lady!), plus I'm back on the Rushie community (with your wonderful help) and so far nothing terrible has happened *fingers crossed*. Not that it wouldn't help the world at large to read what it's really like to be mentally ill, but I don't think I can handle any more bullying from those who refuse to try to understand. (There were far too many of them working in the hospital!)
Edit, August 2013: This episode being so far in the past, I've decided to "declassify" this post for anybody who's wondering exactly what it was that pushed me over the edge and made me close my journal. I will always love and admire Geoffrey Rush and miss the great friends I made through our mutual appreciation, but I can no longer be a member of a community where such a vicious person's presence continues to be tolerated and her cruelty towards me in any way accepted. Any reminder of the aforegoing incident causes me too much pain, anxiety, and depression. (How ironic is it that she went to see a play called Diary of a Madman four times and seemingly sympathized with the protagonist while bullying me about my disabilities? And that Geoffrey Rush himself has not only sensitively portrayed numerous characters suffering from mental illness but has also suffered panic attacks in real life. 1lonelymulga is still welcome and encouraged to bring her favorite gun from her collection to my house and finish me off. It's the least she could do.)
As I said in those friends-only posts and directly to her, nothing I wrote about her was intended in any negative way whatsoever, but she took certain comments that were in no way about HER or, if they even mentioned her, intended to be a means of "throwing [her] under the bus" as she alleged. In fact, until she sent me cruel and bullying e-mails taking aim in particular at my disabilities while refusing even to ACKNOWLEDGE my apologies and attempts to straighten things out with her privately, I had THOUGHT we were friends and was utterly dismayed by her bizarre and, frankly, paranoid reaction to my very hurried attempts to answer everyone's pressing questions about how the play/Geoffrey encounter went.
In addition to her e-mail, she further alleged publicly in her journal that I was "disappointed," "delusional," and expected champagne and rose petals to be thrown at my feet upon meeting Geoffrey Rush and that SHE had somehow SAVED him from me, implying that I was some sort of deranged stalker, when I'M not the one who flew in from out of town to see him in the same play FOUR SEPARATE TIMES. She further asserted that I was directing my "anger" about it towards her ("spewing poisonous vile" [sic]) rather than at him. (I think she meant "BILE," but since my gallbladder surgery, I don't have any to spew!)
NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!!!!!!
As I detailed when I finally spent an entire night posting the FULL story of our Geoffrey encounter from my perspective, all my hopes for the occasion were more than fulfilled, EXCEPT for (1) the bitter cold wind we endured outside the stage door for a good long time before he emerged warmly dressed in a hat, coat, and scarf, looking ready to go out for a night on the town, and (2) the passive-aggressive woman who appeared out of nowhere continually interrupting our brief-enough conversation with him after he finished greeting his friends and then dragged him back inside the stage door as if he were a helpless child, supposedly, as she told us with a blatantly fake smile plastered on her face, to keep him warm (AFTER he had just responded to my quiet comment to him about the "lovely" weather that, "It's not that bad") when he seemed perfectly relaxed talking to us and was even adding asides of his own as though he'd have been glad to continue chatting for a few more minutes. (And those of us who've met him before KNOW that he is perfectly capable of letting us know when HE deems it's time for him to go.)
My happy memory of that meeting, however, was severely marred by the aftermath of misunderstandings and extremely pointed and cruel words written to me in an e-mail by this cyberbully who had been disguising herself as a friend. It was at that point that I banned her from making any further posts in my journal in order to end the drama--the FIRST time I have ever had to use that feature in four years on LiveJournal.
Her initial behavior, ongoing refusal to make ANY effort to straighten the situation out, and continuing presence in the Rushie community continues to cause me an immense degree of pain and distress to the point where I cannot bring myself to post in the community anymore for fear of being misunderstood and attacked again, and I still feel alienated from certain people in the formerly close-knit group who seem to believe the absurd things she asserts that I said about her. (If you know me at all, you know that I would never say things like that to or about another Rushie, no matter HOW intensely our perspectives diverged. But, after more than two months of this untenable situation, she has forced me to the point where I have to choose between the last shreds of my sanity and throwing her under the bus.)
I know most of you are still my friends, and I love you dearly, but I feel that certain others have been giving me the cold shoulder ever since, and that's what really hurts the most after all these years. I still love Geoffrey Rush as much as ever (and can't imagine what I or anyone else could have to be angry with him about as he is one of the kindest, most thoughtful, wittiest, and generous human beings I have ever met, celebrity or not), but I have stopped posting in the community because I no longer feel welcome as a "Rushie."
There's no need for you to reply to this message, especially if all you have to repeat like a broken record is, "Whateverrrr. I wish you happiness x." I'm not making this entry in search of a "there there" pat on the back as I know who my friends really are, and I'm deeply grateful for all those who have expressed your understanding and support. I just needed, from a therapeutical standpoint, to get this off my chest and take steps to TRY (probably still in vain) to set the record straight about why you've not seen me in the community, much as I'd like to be part of it like I was before this person came along to ruin the once-pleasant, harmonious, non-judgemental, and supportive atmosphere of the group for me--an atmosphere that befits the fans of a person with those same qualities and apparently doesn't have a mean bone in his body. Even when we agreed to disagree, I thought they were interesting and thoughtful discussions, and no one (to my knowledge) had ever resorted to ad hominem (that means "personal," for anyone who doesn't know the difference between "bile" and "vile") attacks on another Rushie before. (Then again, maybe certain of you consider my absence a blessing. I have no way of knowing as that person's replies to me, if any, have been enigmatic and cool at best.) Either way, all I'm trying to do is set the record straight ... and wish that person happiness x. Whatever.
PS: And now my mother has called 911, and I'm on my way to the hospital thanks to Jen's latest "stealth" cyberbullying attack. Coming to take me away, indeed. Mission accomplished, 1lonelymulga.
PPS: My mother is having chest pains too now and will hav eto come with me.
Edit: I've f-locked this post since some of your replies have been quite personal (I appreciate knowing I'm not alone and that you're not all running the other way from the "crazy" lady!), plus I'm back on the Rushie community (with your wonderful help) and so far nothing terrible has happened *fingers crossed*. Not that it wouldn't help the world at large to read what it's really like to be mentally ill, but I don't think I can handle any more bullying from those who refuse to try to understand. (There were far too many of them working in the hospital!)
Edit, August 2013: This episode being so far in the past, I've decided to "declassify" this post for anybody who's wondering exactly what it was that pushed me over the edge and made me close my journal. I will always love and admire Geoffrey Rush and miss the great friends I made through our mutual appreciation, but I can no longer be a member of a community where such a vicious person's presence continues to be tolerated and her cruelty towards me in any way accepted. Any reminder of the aforegoing incident causes me too much pain, anxiety, and depression. (How ironic is it that she went to see a play called Diary of a Madman four times and seemingly sympathized with the protagonist while bullying me about my disabilities? And that Geoffrey Rush himself has not only sensitively portrayed numerous characters suffering from mental illness but has also suffered panic attacks in real life. 1lonelymulga is still welcome and encouraged to bring her favorite gun from her collection to my house and finish me off. It's the least she could do.)