AAARGGH
I just don't get it. My father, didn't have a think to do with my life or my sister's life from the time I was eight and then only for a month when I was sixteen. But, since the storm, he wants to play the "good one" and attempt at a relationship. I've tried to communicate with him. I've sent letters and cards, and made phone calls when I could. But then I get an email today that says, "I hear your boyfriend's in the military, why is it that all your friends have a brain and you don't?" GAH! I so wanted to go off on him. I know that it really pissed him off when we found out I was pregnant RIGHT before I was supposed to graduate high school and follow in his and mom's footsteps. SORRY, fate happens. Since then, whenever I've heard from him, there's always been the "I wish you would have joined the military instead of having a baby" conversation. This coming from the religious bigot. Yes, my father tried to convince me to abort Cyrus for the Air Force. I told him to fuck off then and will do it again. He sends me this email, basically saying that I'm an idiot, sends links to different recruiters. Even claiming that I could still join the military. I calm down, so not to let him cause me distress. And reply that I will look at ALL of the links he's sent me. And get back to him.
Thing is, even before Chris and I got back together, before the hurricane. I did go and talk to a recruiter about joining. I didn't see any other way to do right for my kids. I was afraid of falling back into bad habits and I didn't think I'd have the self control that I've proven to myself that I do in fact have. I just wanted to get away from the temptations that were constantly being thrown at me. What that recruiter told me was, that basically if I wanted to join, I'd have to give custody of Cyrus and Jayden over to my mother. Even if it was temporary, or not. Those who know me well know, THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL, that I would do that. I fought through hellfire and brimstone for my kids. Shit, I almost lost Jayden. My kids are my rock, and I'm not willing to do that.
So, I've replied to him that, I do in fact have a brain. And no, all of my friends don't have one. And I put in Chris's words, that I've been looking for a man with a good head on his shoulders to be with, now I've found one and don't plan on losing him again. I told him that I did plan on doing something better with my life, that I was either going into nursing or going to be vertified as a vet tech. That it was just taking me longer, because fucking Hurrice Kuntrina decided to be a bitch and pull me back down to rock bottom. I told him that he may not realize, but before the storm, I had JUST got on the right track, that I had a dependable job, was on the verge on advancing to the dreaded CSM position, and had MY OWN apartment, JUST signed MY rent check TWO FUCKING weeks early, and that I hadn't been on a coke binge in over two year now. "Yes Daddy Dearest, I was addicted to coke. Not as bad as some people know. But there's not a day that goes by that I don't think, I could do so much more if I had a line right now. But I quit coke, dropped it cold, and haven't touched it. Because I love my kids, and I hated the person I was becoming." I also mention that he should not be judging people being the "fine Christian" he is."I'm sure your clergy would love to know that you were fucking your present wife while deployed and still married to my mother."
I'm just really tired of his shit, and am going to go back to not talking to him, there was less stress that way.
Vented and done
Sarah
Thing is, even before Chris and I got back together, before the hurricane. I did go and talk to a recruiter about joining. I didn't see any other way to do right for my kids. I was afraid of falling back into bad habits and I didn't think I'd have the self control that I've proven to myself that I do in fact have. I just wanted to get away from the temptations that were constantly being thrown at me. What that recruiter told me was, that basically if I wanted to join, I'd have to give custody of Cyrus and Jayden over to my mother. Even if it was temporary, or not. Those who know me well know, THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL, that I would do that. I fought through hellfire and brimstone for my kids. Shit, I almost lost Jayden. My kids are my rock, and I'm not willing to do that.
So, I've replied to him that, I do in fact have a brain. And no, all of my friends don't have one. And I put in Chris's words, that I've been looking for a man with a good head on his shoulders to be with, now I've found one and don't plan on losing him again. I told him that I did plan on doing something better with my life, that I was either going into nursing or going to be vertified as a vet tech. That it was just taking me longer, because fucking Hurrice Kuntrina decided to be a bitch and pull me back down to rock bottom. I told him that he may not realize, but before the storm, I had JUST got on the right track, that I had a dependable job, was on the verge on advancing to the dreaded CSM position, and had MY OWN apartment, JUST signed MY rent check TWO FUCKING weeks early, and that I hadn't been on a coke binge in over two year now. "Yes Daddy Dearest, I was addicted to coke. Not as bad as some people know. But there's not a day that goes by that I don't think, I could do so much more if I had a line right now. But I quit coke, dropped it cold, and haven't touched it. Because I love my kids, and I hated the person I was becoming." I also mention that he should not be judging people being the "fine Christian" he is."I'm sure your clergy would love to know that you were fucking your present wife while deployed and still married to my mother."
I'm just really tired of his shit, and am going to go back to not talking to him, there was less stress that way.
Vented and done
Sarah