Goodbyes
I’ve been missing from fandom for a while. For the first time since I started watching back in season one (including two different season premiers I was out of the country for) more than a week’s gone by and I havn’t seen two of the newest episodes.
Part of the problem is the fact I’ve been watching so damn long. I started watching my senior year of High School. I first decided there was something special about this fandom when I made a passing mention of getting ready to leave for college in one of my authors notes and some of my favorite authors left notes of congradulations and asked about what I was studying. This fandom was my gateway to nearly every other show I watch (if not from some crossover catching my interest then by convincing me that there were TV shows out there that I would care enough about to come back to week after week).
On the bus back to school from my first Thanksgiving I entertained myself with the very first pieces of Steal The Sky. When my grandmother died writing A Hint Of Earl Grey helped me put into words my grief and a year later writing Like Holding Back The Wind helped me put into perspective the abusive relationship I had just walked away from and start putting my life back together.
When I started college I thought of myself as something like Parker, someone once joked I was the Bastard Offspring of Parker and Spencer Reid. Fandom was one more thing I thrived in that allowed me to hide away from actual people. Even responding to a comment often left me flummoxed. While some might regret it a little (I can tell myself that, can’t I?) I can’t bring myself to really regret how few my stories have been this year. I’ve told the stories I had to tell but I also have less time to tell them, and a large part of that is I’ve managed to make friends and come out of my shell.
And that’s not even touching on the practice writing has given me, or the help beta readers have given me, or the things I’ve learned from the commentaries or blogs, or how I now am only a little embaressed to admit I tell myself to pretend I’m Eliot every time I have to go to the dentist/hospital (it’s not crazy if it works).
Leverage didn’t change my life, but my life changed while I watched Leverage.
Earlier this December, as I was wrapping up the school year and hoping to get back on track to get my book out my family found out my older brother, the brother who was in my head throughout the Joey/Eliot scenes of BKWK because his job has always been to protect me, is very sick. The doctors are optimistic, the treatment should work, but nothing is certain and it was a while before I even knew that much.
I still havn’t touched the Leverage episode that was waiting for me to finish the paper I was working on when I got the news. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever watch it. Of course a few hours ago I wasn’t sure I’d ever finish the series. Leverage didn’t change my life but my life changed while I was watching Leverage and there is so much up in the air right now, so much is uncertain, that It’s hard to let go of one of the constants. If I never watched the final episode it never ends.
But life changes and things move forward. A week from now the student becomes the teacher and I started when I was finishing high school and I’ll finish the series as I prepare to start teaching it. The year the world was supposed to end ends with the world still in tact and me hoping my own world will hold together through the end of next year.
I’ve started working on my novel again, after a few weeks of not being able to function. It should be ready to publish soon. I might even post a bit of it here. I don’t know. After it’s up I may write something, see if I can put together one final bit of fanfic about how I feel right now. Maybe not. I don’t know.
I do know I’m glad I watched the final episode. Watched things come full circle. It’s not the end of the world, just another change. Things are always changing. We just need to adapt, and maybe find a bit of Leverage along the way.
Moonchildfic
Part of the problem is the fact I’ve been watching so damn long. I started watching my senior year of High School. I first decided there was something special about this fandom when I made a passing mention of getting ready to leave for college in one of my authors notes and some of my favorite authors left notes of congradulations and asked about what I was studying. This fandom was my gateway to nearly every other show I watch (if not from some crossover catching my interest then by convincing me that there were TV shows out there that I would care enough about to come back to week after week).
On the bus back to school from my first Thanksgiving I entertained myself with the very first pieces of Steal The Sky. When my grandmother died writing A Hint Of Earl Grey helped me put into words my grief and a year later writing Like Holding Back The Wind helped me put into perspective the abusive relationship I had just walked away from and start putting my life back together.
When I started college I thought of myself as something like Parker, someone once joked I was the Bastard Offspring of Parker and Spencer Reid. Fandom was one more thing I thrived in that allowed me to hide away from actual people. Even responding to a comment often left me flummoxed. While some might regret it a little (I can tell myself that, can’t I?) I can’t bring myself to really regret how few my stories have been this year. I’ve told the stories I had to tell but I also have less time to tell them, and a large part of that is I’ve managed to make friends and come out of my shell.
And that’s not even touching on the practice writing has given me, or the help beta readers have given me, or the things I’ve learned from the commentaries or blogs, or how I now am only a little embaressed to admit I tell myself to pretend I’m Eliot every time I have to go to the dentist/hospital (it’s not crazy if it works).
Leverage didn’t change my life, but my life changed while I watched Leverage.
Earlier this December, as I was wrapping up the school year and hoping to get back on track to get my book out my family found out my older brother, the brother who was in my head throughout the Joey/Eliot scenes of BKWK because his job has always been to protect me, is very sick. The doctors are optimistic, the treatment should work, but nothing is certain and it was a while before I even knew that much.
I still havn’t touched the Leverage episode that was waiting for me to finish the paper I was working on when I got the news. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever watch it. Of course a few hours ago I wasn’t sure I’d ever finish the series. Leverage didn’t change my life but my life changed while I was watching Leverage and there is so much up in the air right now, so much is uncertain, that It’s hard to let go of one of the constants. If I never watched the final episode it never ends.
But life changes and things move forward. A week from now the student becomes the teacher and I started when I was finishing high school and I’ll finish the series as I prepare to start teaching it. The year the world was supposed to end ends with the world still in tact and me hoping my own world will hold together through the end of next year.
I’ve started working on my novel again, after a few weeks of not being able to function. It should be ready to publish soon. I might even post a bit of it here. I don’t know. After it’s up I may write something, see if I can put together one final bit of fanfic about how I feel right now. Maybe not. I don’t know.
I do know I’m glad I watched the final episode. Watched things come full circle. It’s not the end of the world, just another change. Things are always changing. We just need to adapt, and maybe find a bit of Leverage along the way.
Moonchildfic