Some Time to Fall Apart (1/8)
Title: Some Time to Fall Apart
Rating: T
Category: Hurt/Comfort Freindship
Genre: Het
Pairing: Abby/Tony friendship (general team fic)
Summary: The loss of their father will draw this family together but first they will need some time to fall apart.
Spoilers: Hiatus and Shalom
Disclaimer: These characters belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, et al. No copyright infringement is intended.
Warnings: Self-harm
Abby didn’t go home from work the night Gibbs left. She stayed in her lab finding and photo-shopping pictures of him until she passed out in her chair sometime before four in the morning.
Tony knew this because that was the time he went down to her lab to barrow her futon figuring he was the only one who hadn’t been able to leave NCIS.
Abby had woken up when he came in, blinking fast and waving her arms in what Tony could only assume was ASL for that little “huh! What?” you make when startled into wakefulness, or maybe she’d been reaching for something. He couldn’t tell.
When she recognized him, saw the bags under his eyes and probably the same too shocked to react look she had on his own face the half moment of desperation she’d woken up with changed into numbness again. “It wasn’t a dream was it?” She asked.
He shook his head and wordlessly sat on the edge of her desk. The entire team was shaken but it hit both of them especially hard. Gibbs had been like a father to them, though he treated them differently they both had an unspoken understanding about it even before the rest of the team had joined.
Now they found themselves falling into the roles that shared father figure had given them by default. They both didn’t know how to deal with the loss of their father, but suddenly they were desperately glad they had a sibling left who understood why they couldn’t leave the building. Why they couldn’t walk out those doors.
There was a ghost of Gibbs presence lingering as long as they held onto the dream that it was simply a misunderstanding. That he had gone home, or maybe was waiting for them just outside those doors. As long as they stayed here they could pretend that they were just pulling a very long all nighter and that it simply wasn’t time for Gibbs to come in yet.
Leaving meant they’d have to return. Returning meant they’d have to admit Gibbs wasn’t coming back. Right now neither of them could take that.
Tony stood and dragged the futon out of it’s storage place. “Get some sleep Abby” He told her. When she didn’t move he went to her, more than ready to exchange his numb shock for whatever else he could have, even uncharacteristic concern for his occasionally annoying little sister. “Come on Abby, you need some sleep.”
“Can’t” She muffled.
“Why not?” He asked, brows furrowing.
“I’m phylum Cnidaria.”
Only Abby would do this to his poor overstressed brain. “Your not allowed to be a Jellyfish.” He muttered helping her up. It was only then he saw the half empty bottle of pills she’d dropped to the floor.
“Abby!” Tony said turning her to face him while helping her to stand.
“Sleeping pills Tony.” She said, eyes drooping slightly. “Only took two.” She whispered falling against him. “Didn’t want to dream.”
He helped her lie down but by then her arms were locked around him, pulling him down with her. Realizing breaking away from her would probably wake her up he relented. He needed sleep, and this comfort, as much as she did.
Besides, what better way to be there for her when they woke up from this dream?
They woke up later only to find that the director had taken their team from active duty for a week to allow for adjustment and given them the day off.
Tony was on his way back to the lab after taking care of necessities and trying to figure out how to get a Caf-Pow for Abby without leaving the building when he found out they weren’t the only two members of the new team Dinozzo still at NCIS despite being given the day off.
He ran into Ducky in the halls, who for once had almost nothing to say other than a greeting. They had been walking away from each other for nearly thirty seconds before Ducky turned, took Tony’s arm and showed him a refrigerator in a conference room on the floor below the bullpen.
He wasn’t sure what Ducky was getting to until he saw the three iceless ¾ full super-sized Caf-pow and the half full bag of ice stashed in the freezer. “Special Agent Gibbs kept a stock of these for when he didn’t have time to go out.” Ducky sighed. “Though I suppose they’ve gone flat since he last restocked.”
Tony wasn’t sure how to react. This little revelation about the level of attention to detail, attention to detail for Abby, keeping the ice separate and no doubt mixing it himself so it would be just how Abby liked it took him by surprise.
Any other time the fact that it was the only expired yet untouched food in a fridge every sign showed got a good deal of use would of made him smile. He could only imagine how scary Gibbs would be when confronting the person responsible for the theft of Abby’s Caf-Pow.
Ducky left him standing there, apparently not quite ready to deal with others so soon. It was a long moment after Ducky’s departure before Tony acted, making up his mind as he did so. He removed the Caf-Pows from the fridge with a almost reverence, like they were relics of an age gone by, emptied them in the water fountain and stacked the cups. He left them sitting in the back corner of the fridge, a reminder to himself of the promise he felt like he was making now.
Abby needed looking after. He remembered the wreck she was when he first started working at NCIS. She’d done well to hide it, after all she’d been hiding it most of her life, but he’d seen the odd edges to her personality that weren’t completely just quirks. He was new then though, and Gibbs was already starting to help her through whatever her problems were before Tony was hired. By the time he and Abby had gotten close most of those odd edges had been smoothed out with the same skill and care the man who’d done it used on his boat.
But he’d seen it in her eyes last night, and this morning. He’d seen it in the way she’d been reluctant to let him leave the lab earlier. Gibbs had treated the symptoms and maybe put the disease into relapse but whatever had caused it was still there and Abby knew it. She’d been too numb to grieve the loss of a father, but her mind was still working well enough to fear what the loss of that support might cause.
Tony closed the refrigerator with a thud, these memories and thoughts passing in a few breaths time as he made up his mind. When the father failed the older brother would step up and take charge. He was taking over one job Gibbs had left behind. He’d take over this one as well. He’d keep her smiling, keep her safe, and keep her sane.
He thought back to that carefully placed cache of Caf-Pows, then to the simple joy they had brought her and Tony almost wondered if it wasn’t the drink but the gesture that she loved so much.
He just hoped he would do half as decent a job as his predecessor had. He gathered his nerves, grabbed his keys and left. The weight of a tray of Caf-Pows to restock the fridge made the return to NCIS without Gibbs a little easier. He had a job to do. He had someone to take care of. That would get him through today.
He’d worry about the other stuff tomorrow.
Abby had gone home that night. He’d offered to drive her to work the next morning before she could even think to ask. They got strange looks from security as they walked in hand in hand. It was only after watching them a moment one realized they seemed more like a big brother walking his scared little sister somewhere than the sweethearts they’d first appeared to be.
Tony had stayed with her until she was settled in her lab and hung around until he was sure she was going to be okay by herself.
It had been the next night when he was woken up by his telephone at three a.m. It wasn’t the first time, Gibbs didn’t have a problem with waking them up at ungodly hours for cases. It was the realization that Gibbs was gone, and possibly his own developing gutt that made him race to the phone.
It took a moment for him to recognize the voice on the other end of the phone. Abby was either laughing hysterically, hyperventilating, sobbing so hard she couldn’t breath, or quite possibly a mixture of the three. Tony had barely made out “At NCIS” before he’d told her he was on his way and left.
There was a reason Ziva’s driving no longer scared him after that night.
The scene he found when he arrived in her lab would haunt his dreams for months.
Abby was on the floor, one pigtail undone, a bottle of bourbon like Gibbs drank empty right next to a spilt bottle of small long and thin pills. She was laughing and crying at the same time, a arm draped over her eyes like she was trying to block out the light. The red stein spreading over her lab coat where her other arm was curled against her stomach spurred him into action.
“Abby!” He cried, stumbling forward to kneel next to her. Feeling a weak but steady pulse at her neck he moved her arm from the injury on her stomach only to have his horror raised a notch when he found the blood was from deep cut on her arm.
He didn’t need to see the razor drop from her other hand to know what had happened.
He cursed under his breath, dialing Ducky before he knew what he was doing. “Ducky!” Tony began once Ducky had answered the phone.
“Abigail?” He asked, Tony could guess easily enough how the doctor knew why hw was calling. “I’m on my way. How bad is it Jethro?”
Tony swallowed hard, that slip up of the names made his gut twist wondering how many times this had happened. “Ducky” Tony said, his voice softer than he meant.
It took Ducky longer to answer than Tony had ever experienced. “I’m sorry. How is she Tony?”
“She mixed bourbon with Vicoden.” Tony said, reading the pill bottle but already guessing what it was. You learned strange things from watching House. He wasn’t even going to wonder how she’d gotten her hands on vicoden right now. “She’s hysteric.” Tony continued, cradling the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he psyched himself up for what he was about to do and say. “She hurt herself Ducky.”
Another long silence and Tony forced himself to find the first aid kit he knew was in her desk somewhere and begin cleaning and caring for the cuts on her arm.
“I had guessed as much Anthony.” Ducky admitted with a sigh. “It’s a habit she had when she came to us I’m afraid. Jethro helped her stop but I feared she would relapse before too long now that he has left.”
Tony sighed gently pushing Abby’s good arm back to her side. “Then I’ll help her stop again.” Tony said before he even realized it was what he was thinking.
“God I hope so” Tony thought he heard Ducky whisper. “I hope so.”