House Rules
Title: House Rules
Author: Magpie
Rating: pg-13
Genre: Nate/Eliot
Verse: BlackKing!WhiteKnight!Verse
Summary: Parker gives Tara a cheat sheet.
Notes: I've had this list written since about an hour after I wrote the full list of rules of engagement I just needed some context and the appropriate timing. So here it is. I only hope that you all enjoy reading it half as much as I enjoyed writting it.
There is only one person in the world that Tara would admit it to but she’s not as good a grifter as Sophie. She likes to tell herself she makes up for it by being both a jack of more trades than her friend and by the fact she is a good deal more emotionally well adjusted.
She’ll ignore how insane that in itself is considering her history.
But the fact remains that while she’s doing, what she thinks is, a really good job getting used to the team and getting the team used to her by the end of their fourth job together officially there are still more kinks too be worked out than she likes to admit.
This, she assumes, is why halfway through wrap up Parker shoves a piece of yellow lined legal paper into her hand and then walks away.
She’s still trying to get used to Parker.
She’s still trying to get used to all of them.
But when she reads the paper she can’t help but grin a little.
1. Control. Be ready to lose it sometimes but bad things happen when Nate loses it. Worse things happen when Eliot does.
2. Trust.
3. Eliot is not allowed to threaten death via office supplies to any team mate except Hardison. He’s supposed to be setting a good ‘not stabbing people with forks’ example.
4. Eliot cooks dinner but we all have to take turns doing the dishes.
5. Nate drinking is a problem but he has his reasons.
6. Don’t bother Eliot when he’s cooking. Especially if he’s doing it to calm down to avoid losing his temper and harming you. Especially if he’s holding a knife.
7. The van is named Lucile. It’s sensitive and has emotional issues due to separation anxiety from Simon. My plant.
8. Hardison takes Dr. Who and Star Wars very seriously.
9. Parker likes to hang from things and doesn’t mean to spy if she does so outside your window.
10. There is a secret. We’re not supposed to let you find out until we trust you but I think that’s stupid. Nate and Eliot are sleeping together. So there.
11. Always let Eliot know you’re there before touching him. This is another stupid rule for anyone but me because Eliot always knows when everyone else is there.
12. No one but Eliot (and Hardison) is allowed to say that Parker isn’t right. It’s Eliot for “I love you (like a sister not like Nate who I’m fucking)” and it’s kind of cute when Hardison does it.
13. Hardison loves his nana and we aren’t supposed to do anything to make him go against what she taught him.
14. If Eliot gets hurt in a fight we aren’t allowed to feel guilty and are supposed to pretend we don’t know he’s wearing a turtleneck in late summer to hide the bruises.
15. Eliot likes horses. Do not hurt horses or he will hurt you.
16. For the last time Nate moved above a bar. It’s not that big of a deal people. Why do people have so hard a time understanding that?
17. “Say the things you want to say. You might not get a chance to say them later. But don’t say That Thing.” I don’t get this rule.
18. Good manners are important.
19. Mix business with pleasure. It’s the funnest way to do things.
20. “Even though you don’t say That Thing, find way to make sure he knows.” I don’t get this rule either. I should ask Sophie.
21. Stealing all of Eliot’s shirts is really really fun.
22. Nate is no longer allowed to wear ugly hats with leopard prints.
22 A. Eliot is no longer allowed to wear guyliner anytime Nate has to focus on something other than Eliot. Because apparently Nate has an eyeliner kink. This is good to know.
23. Parker is no longer allowed to steal the clothing of her team mates. This makes her very sad until she remembers that as a thief some rules are supposed to be broken.
24. Hardison is no longer allowed to make jokes about gay steryotypes unless he wants Eliot to beat him up, because he and Nate are fucking each other (They’re GAY).
25. Don't underestimate Eliot. He’s really really smart and really really good at hiding it.
26. Hardison is not allowed to play the grifter ever again.
27. “Don't touch the women, but they can grab whatever they want to.” I think I heard a song like this.
28. Nate is not allowed to take his anger out on Eliot. People on the team aren’t allowed to hurt Eliot. Or I will cry inside my special angry place and steal everything they own.
29. Eliot is not allowed to take his anger out on objects in Nate's apartment. Or Hardison.
30. If Nate asks 'are you hurt' he expects a yes or no answer followed by an explanation of how badly if that answer is yes. Growling something inaudible and going into the bathroom is not an acceptable answer.
31. If for our post job meal Eliot A) is using boxed anything that he could, relatively easily, make from scratch B) is making something that requires almost no prep or C) accidentally burns something we will all assume he is far more injured than he lets on and decide we want to order pizza and hide the ingredients for pizza so he lets us order in.
32. We aren’t allowed to get hurt. It makes Eliot upset.
33. We will not make verbal note of Eliot’s tendency to take care of people.
34. Hardison is not allowed to get drunk and talk in cling on.
35. We’re all allowed to do side jobs so long as Nate doesn’t know and we are ready to do a job when one comes up. Also as long as none of us get caught or hurt.
36. There are times and places to get naked. This is another rule that can be fun to ignore.
37. Eliot likes doing what Nate tells him. Nate likes telling Eliot what to do. Hardison says this makes them kinky and that I should never watch them having sex.
38. Hardison isn’t allowed to try to send Nate and Eliot to a gay bar even if it’s their anniversary.
39. People really shouldn’t argue while in the middle of a con. It’s distracting.
40. Eliot has friends everywhere. The most unthreatening of which could probably still kick your ass. Hardison also has friends everywhere who can destroy you without ever seeing you.
41. We really need to stop having people hit by cars.
42. There is no answer to life the universe and everything. Hardison says this rule is proof Nate is secretly a geek.
43. Eliot makes awesome food.
44. The shiny is important.
45. Hardison likes having new toys.
46. Nate will remember that Eliot could beat the shit out of him if the desire ever struck and won't get cocky about the fact Eliot lets him be the boss.
47. We protect Eliot.
48. Eliot is not allowed to do THAT THING EVER.
49. Nate should really start calling Maggie his EX-Wife.
50. Even with broken ribs and a concussion Eliot could and would take out more than six guys to protect the team. Nate should never forget that.
51. It's undetermined if there is an injury or combination of injuries that could stop Eliot from protecting Nate because even if they won’t admit it they’re repelling together.
Okay, she can’t help but inwardly grin a lot over having conformation of her theories and the fact that Parker is adorable in a psychotic sort of way.
But, outwardly, she grins a little.
She may not be as good a grifter as Sophie.
But Parker just gave her a cheat sheet.
Previous: The Distance Between Two Points
Author: Magpie
Rating: pg-13
Genre: Nate/Eliot
Verse: BlackKing!WhiteKnight!Verse
Summary: Parker gives Tara a cheat sheet.
Notes: I've had this list written since about an hour after I wrote the full list of rules of engagement I just needed some context and the appropriate timing. So here it is. I only hope that you all enjoy reading it half as much as I enjoyed writting it.
There is only one person in the world that Tara would admit it to but she’s not as good a grifter as Sophie. She likes to tell herself she makes up for it by being both a jack of more trades than her friend and by the fact she is a good deal more emotionally well adjusted.
She’ll ignore how insane that in itself is considering her history.
But the fact remains that while she’s doing, what she thinks is, a really good job getting used to the team and getting the team used to her by the end of their fourth job together officially there are still more kinks too be worked out than she likes to admit.
This, she assumes, is why halfway through wrap up Parker shoves a piece of yellow lined legal paper into her hand and then walks away.
She’s still trying to get used to Parker.
She’s still trying to get used to all of them.
But when she reads the paper she can’t help but grin a little.
1. Control. Be ready to lose it sometimes but bad things happen when Nate loses it. Worse things happen when Eliot does.
2. Trust.
3. Eliot is not allowed to threaten death via office supplies to any team mate except Hardison. He’s supposed to be setting a good ‘not stabbing people with forks’ example.
4. Eliot cooks dinner but we all have to take turns doing the dishes.
5. Nate drinking is a problem but he has his reasons.
6. Don’t bother Eliot when he’s cooking. Especially if he’s doing it to calm down to avoid losing his temper and harming you. Especially if he’s holding a knife.
7. The van is named Lucile. It’s sensitive and has emotional issues due to separation anxiety from Simon. My plant.
8. Hardison takes Dr. Who and Star Wars very seriously.
9. Parker likes to hang from things and doesn’t mean to spy if she does so outside your window.
10. There is a secret. We’re not supposed to let you find out until we trust you but I think that’s stupid. Nate and Eliot are sleeping together. So there.
11. Always let Eliot know you’re there before touching him. This is another stupid rule for anyone but me because Eliot always knows when everyone else is there.
12. No one but Eliot (and Hardison) is allowed to say that Parker isn’t right. It’s Eliot for “I love you (like a sister not like Nate who I’m fucking)” and it’s kind of cute when Hardison does it.
13. Hardison loves his nana and we aren’t supposed to do anything to make him go against what she taught him.
14. If Eliot gets hurt in a fight we aren’t allowed to feel guilty and are supposed to pretend we don’t know he’s wearing a turtleneck in late summer to hide the bruises.
15. Eliot likes horses. Do not hurt horses or he will hurt you.
16. For the last time Nate moved above a bar. It’s not that big of a deal people. Why do people have so hard a time understanding that?
17. “Say the things you want to say. You might not get a chance to say them later. But don’t say That Thing.” I don’t get this rule.
18. Good manners are important.
19. Mix business with pleasure. It’s the funnest way to do things.
20. “Even though you don’t say That Thing, find way to make sure he knows.” I don’t get this rule either. I should ask Sophie.
21. Stealing all of Eliot’s shirts is really really fun.
22. Nate is no longer allowed to wear ugly hats with leopard prints.
22 A. Eliot is no longer allowed to wear guyliner anytime Nate has to focus on something other than Eliot. Because apparently Nate has an eyeliner kink. This is good to know.
23. Parker is no longer allowed to steal the clothing of her team mates. This makes her very sad until she remembers that as a thief some rules are supposed to be broken.
24. Hardison is no longer allowed to make jokes about gay steryotypes unless he wants Eliot to beat him up, because he and Nate are fucking each other (They’re GAY).
25. Don't underestimate Eliot. He’s really really smart and really really good at hiding it.
26. Hardison is not allowed to play the grifter ever again.
27. “Don't touch the women, but they can grab whatever they want to.” I think I heard a song like this.
28. Nate is not allowed to take his anger out on Eliot. People on the team aren’t allowed to hurt Eliot. Or I will cry inside my special angry place and steal everything they own.
29. Eliot is not allowed to take his anger out on objects in Nate's apartment. Or Hardison.
30. If Nate asks 'are you hurt' he expects a yes or no answer followed by an explanation of how badly if that answer is yes. Growling something inaudible and going into the bathroom is not an acceptable answer.
31. If for our post job meal Eliot A) is using boxed anything that he could, relatively easily, make from scratch B) is making something that requires almost no prep or C) accidentally burns something we will all assume he is far more injured than he lets on and decide we want to order pizza and hide the ingredients for pizza so he lets us order in.
32. We aren’t allowed to get hurt. It makes Eliot upset.
33. We will not make verbal note of Eliot’s tendency to take care of people.
34. Hardison is not allowed to get drunk and talk in cling on.
35. We’re all allowed to do side jobs so long as Nate doesn’t know and we are ready to do a job when one comes up. Also as long as none of us get caught or hurt.
36. There are times and places to get naked. This is another rule that can be fun to ignore.
37. Eliot likes doing what Nate tells him. Nate likes telling Eliot what to do. Hardison says this makes them kinky and that I should never watch them having sex.
38. Hardison isn’t allowed to try to send Nate and Eliot to a gay bar even if it’s their anniversary.
39. People really shouldn’t argue while in the middle of a con. It’s distracting.
40. Eliot has friends everywhere. The most unthreatening of which could probably still kick your ass. Hardison also has friends everywhere who can destroy you without ever seeing you.
41. We really need to stop having people hit by cars.
42. There is no answer to life the universe and everything. Hardison says this rule is proof Nate is secretly a geek.
43. Eliot makes awesome food.
44. The shiny is important.
45. Hardison likes having new toys.
46. Nate will remember that Eliot could beat the shit out of him if the desire ever struck and won't get cocky about the fact Eliot lets him be the boss.
47. We protect Eliot.
48. Eliot is not allowed to do THAT THING EVER.
49. Nate should really start calling Maggie his EX-Wife.
50. Even with broken ribs and a concussion Eliot could and would take out more than six guys to protect the team. Nate should never forget that.
51. It's undetermined if there is an injury or combination of injuries that could stop Eliot from protecting Nate because even if they won’t admit it they’re repelling together.
Okay, she can’t help but inwardly grin a lot over having conformation of her theories and the fact that Parker is adorable in a psychotic sort of way.
But, outwardly, she grins a little.
She may not be as good a grifter as Sophie.
But Parker just gave her a cheat sheet.
Previous: The Distance Between Two Points