(no subject)
I feel totally furious at certain places of employment for not hiring me. I am also totally furious with myself for not being more employable. I'm not sure what the deal is. I feel so qualified. Where are these other ethereal nymphs applying and succeeding? Ah well.
Whenever I say, "furious" what I probably really mean is "strangely hollow."
It is both my fault and not my fault. I should know a lot more by now. I've been lazy.
At the same time it feels as if the entire world is falling in upon itself.
I dreamed Larissa and I were stranded in an upside down submarine. We lived with a giant and a man who had taken it upon himself to give haircuts to the extremely dangerous prisoners in the submarine's hull. It culminated with a bob for the worst of them. He and I chatted amiably while my friend did his work. The most dangerous prisoner revealed to me that he could let himself out of his cell anytime he wanted to because he was so fierce no one would attend him. We looked each other in the eye as he parted. I got the impression I was supposed to be frightened but the emotion fell flat. My friend was petrified. I felt encouraged that I felt nothing at all.
Eventually the giant died and we decided to turn his room into a room from which to plan travel vacations. This was foolishness of course because it was impossible to leave the submarine.
At some point we heard transmissions and realized Larissa's father had chartered a ship out to meet us. I kept asking him how he'd found us and if he knew the way back. He wouldn't tell. You know how he can be.
It used to be that, in my dreams, I thought I could repeat levels like a video game for better points. Now I think it's something more Tralphazian. I think, in my dreams, I have forward and backwards memory. I mean, why not? I made them up! Sometimes I have only forward, remembering later why things were supposed to be momentous. Everything falls nicely flat.
In Detroit I felt I had some of that forward sight. Out here I feel strange because I have none. I have no idea what is going to become of me. Pish tosh. PISH TOSH.
Whenever I say, "furious" what I probably really mean is "strangely hollow."
It is both my fault and not my fault. I should know a lot more by now. I've been lazy.
At the same time it feels as if the entire world is falling in upon itself.
I dreamed Larissa and I were stranded in an upside down submarine. We lived with a giant and a man who had taken it upon himself to give haircuts to the extremely dangerous prisoners in the submarine's hull. It culminated with a bob for the worst of them. He and I chatted amiably while my friend did his work. The most dangerous prisoner revealed to me that he could let himself out of his cell anytime he wanted to because he was so fierce no one would attend him. We looked each other in the eye as he parted. I got the impression I was supposed to be frightened but the emotion fell flat. My friend was petrified. I felt encouraged that I felt nothing at all.
Eventually the giant died and we decided to turn his room into a room from which to plan travel vacations. This was foolishness of course because it was impossible to leave the submarine.
At some point we heard transmissions and realized Larissa's father had chartered a ship out to meet us. I kept asking him how he'd found us and if he knew the way back. He wouldn't tell. You know how he can be.
It used to be that, in my dreams, I thought I could repeat levels like a video game for better points. Now I think it's something more Tralphazian. I think, in my dreams, I have forward and backwards memory. I mean, why not? I made them up! Sometimes I have only forward, remembering later why things were supposed to be momentous. Everything falls nicely flat.
In Detroit I felt I had some of that forward sight. Out here I feel strange because I have none. I have no idea what is going to become of me. Pish tosh. PISH TOSH.