(no subject)
i had this plan of how i was going to write pages and pages of what happened in scotland, maybe even put it under an lj-cut! but sorry everyone i physically cant do it. something happened inside my head and some of the Things i've been hiding from in order to have a go at living came and found me and rekindled everything. except instead of everythin g infernoing i've actually got the fire in a brazier. ... yes a brazier. maybe even a thurible. but basically. i learnt how to throw and catch one ball, but yet, i am still a bit shaky and occasionally drop that one, now i have been thrown another. i dont even have to juggle. i have to just try and hold onto both balls. oh yeah. hehehe.
i havent got anythin gleft for this place im sorry.
but there was a pool, hot tub and sauna. my hair has gone a bit green. i loved the sauna. there were fireplaces and stoves and a wood and snowdrops and crocusses that popped up while we were there. there was a lot of couples really. that was odd. michelle and bongo, ed n kat (YAY), zero and zooty, jen and neil, yulia and paul (man has a nose for a joint. i like him.) and then dougal, me and santi. i wished i was in a couple.
today i've been mostly wondering what would happen if i just threw myself into work and became a music industry person. no more burning man or roleplaying (although lets face it, i'm not a true gamer anymore. it was hard enough trying to work out how to play hentacle and then explain it to everyone that i made up my own rules. it was hilarious). what if i was a media darling? bands and gigs and work friends. no other friends. just work friends. and gig going buddies. no more worrying about having to be someone that i dont know anymore. i could almost start from scratch and invent my pown personality. even have normal hair and clothes from next or something. karen millen. i like karen millen.
dont get me wrong i've been happy this weekend. and i'm happy now. there's just an indescribable tinge of sadness to absolutely everythin gin contact with me and when that happens you cant help wondering if you are the catalyst.
and deirdre has started on relationships. this is going to be the hardest part i think. everything is hard.
i havent got anythin gleft for this place im sorry.
but there was a pool, hot tub and sauna. my hair has gone a bit green. i loved the sauna. there were fireplaces and stoves and a wood and snowdrops and crocusses that popped up while we were there. there was a lot of couples really. that was odd. michelle and bongo, ed n kat (YAY), zero and zooty, jen and neil, yulia and paul (man has a nose for a joint. i like him.) and then dougal, me and santi. i wished i was in a couple.
today i've been mostly wondering what would happen if i just threw myself into work and became a music industry person. no more burning man or roleplaying (although lets face it, i'm not a true gamer anymore. it was hard enough trying to work out how to play hentacle and then explain it to everyone that i made up my own rules. it was hilarious). what if i was a media darling? bands and gigs and work friends. no other friends. just work friends. and gig going buddies. no more worrying about having to be someone that i dont know anymore. i could almost start from scratch and invent my pown personality. even have normal hair and clothes from next or something. karen millen. i like karen millen.
dont get me wrong i've been happy this weekend. and i'm happy now. there's just an indescribable tinge of sadness to absolutely everythin gin contact with me and when that happens you cant help wondering if you are the catalyst.
and deirdre has started on relationships. this is going to be the hardest part i think. everything is hard.