It hurts in that feels-so-good way,
but not really.
I tried to make a doctor's appointment for Sunday. As luck would have it, my doctor must be on vacation, because he's got limited hours for the next two weeks, but luck is on my side because he is open when I want to go (10 on Sunday). But without an appointment, I must show up 15 minutes earlier and pray that no one else has decided to come see him on a Sunday. Which is near impossible since he's had these limited hours, and he's normally busy, I'm sure he'll be even busier on Sunday.
I'm hoping he gives me something for it, but on the flip side, I also know that he will probably ask me what, if anything, I've been taking, and I may just have to admit that I took some Vicodin. And Xanax. Not at the same time, but still. He'll want to know where I got the Xanax and I'll have to tell him it was someone else's and I'll get the lecture about not taking other people's prescription drugs.
The thing that's bugging me the most is that last year, about a month later into the summer, the same thing happened. I started to get paranoid that I was dying, because I would wake up feeling like a giant fist was squeezing my heart. I thought I was having angina attacks or something that means a mini heart attack. But I couldn't be. My cholesterol isn't atrocious (though it used to be hard to tell since I was so underweight, even if my cholesterol was high my blood pressure would probably then reach normal, which I didn't quite understand properly), I'm not overweight or not very much anyway, I had to be crazy.
Finally I started actually waking up because of the pain. One night I lay in bed crying, fat tears dripping down my cheeks while I waited for it to pass. When it didn't, and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, and I thought I was going to die laying in bed alone, with my dog sleeping with my desired future father in law, and my desired future husband sleeping on the couch downstairs (because it was too hot upstairs, where I was), I prayed for it to go away, that I would stop pushing myself so hard.
I made a doctor's appointment and insisted on the EKG despite the doctor telling me it wasn't my heart. The EKG cost me $75, which was a lot, I'd just started temping and I had no health insurance, but I wanted it for my peace of mind.
It wasn't my heart.
It was the same thing Ashlee Simpson was blaming her sore throat on. Acid reflux (though my doctor told me it was stress induced). My dog had gotten deathly sick the week before and I'd shelled out close to a grand for her doctor's bills. I was working two jobs and attempting to work more hours at the second one while still working at the first one.
Feeling better for having spent the $125, plus $15 for the medicine he gave me which cleared it up in a week, I went on my way.
And promptly broke my fucking arm a week later.
Which equalled another grand or two in medical bills while I was uninsured.
So I'm worried now that I'm going to get an MRI and in a week, break something else. Sure, I have insurance now, but still. I don't want to break anything! I want to remain healthy and able to work my 2 jobs.
Dilemma, dilemma!
I tried to make a doctor's appointment for Sunday. As luck would have it, my doctor must be on vacation, because he's got limited hours for the next two weeks, but luck is on my side because he is open when I want to go (10 on Sunday). But without an appointment, I must show up 15 minutes earlier and pray that no one else has decided to come see him on a Sunday. Which is near impossible since he's had these limited hours, and he's normally busy, I'm sure he'll be even busier on Sunday.
I'm hoping he gives me something for it, but on the flip side, I also know that he will probably ask me what, if anything, I've been taking, and I may just have to admit that I took some Vicodin. And Xanax. Not at the same time, but still. He'll want to know where I got the Xanax and I'll have to tell him it was someone else's and I'll get the lecture about not taking other people's prescription drugs.
The thing that's bugging me the most is that last year, about a month later into the summer, the same thing happened. I started to get paranoid that I was dying, because I would wake up feeling like a giant fist was squeezing my heart. I thought I was having angina attacks or something that means a mini heart attack. But I couldn't be. My cholesterol isn't atrocious (though it used to be hard to tell since I was so underweight, even if my cholesterol was high my blood pressure would probably then reach normal, which I didn't quite understand properly), I'm not overweight or not very much anyway, I had to be crazy.
Finally I started actually waking up because of the pain. One night I lay in bed crying, fat tears dripping down my cheeks while I waited for it to pass. When it didn't, and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, and I thought I was going to die laying in bed alone, with my dog sleeping with my desired future father in law, and my desired future husband sleeping on the couch downstairs (because it was too hot upstairs, where I was), I prayed for it to go away, that I would stop pushing myself so hard.
I made a doctor's appointment and insisted on the EKG despite the doctor telling me it wasn't my heart. The EKG cost me $75, which was a lot, I'd just started temping and I had no health insurance, but I wanted it for my peace of mind.
It wasn't my heart.
It was the same thing Ashlee Simpson was blaming her sore throat on. Acid reflux (though my doctor told me it was stress induced). My dog had gotten deathly sick the week before and I'd shelled out close to a grand for her doctor's bills. I was working two jobs and attempting to work more hours at the second one while still working at the first one.
Feeling better for having spent the $125, plus $15 for the medicine he gave me which cleared it up in a week, I went on my way.
And promptly broke my fucking arm a week later.
Which equalled another grand or two in medical bills while I was uninsured.
So I'm worried now that I'm going to get an MRI and in a week, break something else. Sure, I have insurance now, but still. I don't want to break anything! I want to remain healthy and able to work my 2 jobs.
Dilemma, dilemma!