Sad...
I don't know why I feel so sad...it's like I have just plumitted into a nasty depression...I just want to be alone ya know? Maybe this weekend will snap me out of it. Hot tub ^^ Although, I really don't want to wear a bathing suit...I think that is also adding to my mood.
All the problems that Justin is facing also, plus my own, is making things difficult to bare. I feel bad for him, and guilty for his situation, and not agreeing with some of his decisions, but still trying to be supportive because it is what he wants, and honestly believes will be best. And he's always right...(cough, cough)
I hate not knowing what is going on with Jason, I miss my twin...although I am so afraid that we are so different now, that that enderment is way off. I am afraid to call him, because he is always wanting to be alone, or he is off with his Rocky and Theater, and everyone else that I am not associated with. I am worried about him, and wish I could be there for him to just cry on, or pick him up, I just want to help him feel better. But I know I can't cause I am so out of the loop that I don't even know where I would begin. It makes me
want to cry.
I miss Mary terribly still...it is like a constant ache in my heart. Even though I know she wants nothing to do with me, I still want her there, I still want to hear her beautiful laugh, and see the twinkle in her shocking blue eyes. I have no clue where she is, if she's alive, if she is alright. It tears me up inside to know that I mean nothing to her. She was my best friend, I cared so much about her, and I still do. I just want her to be happy...I wish I could know if she was happy...
I cherish every moment that I am able to spend with Justine...she is my only female friend still, and I rarely am able to talk to her. Partly because I don't have a clue what I would say. I am so lost as to what girls gossip about anymore. I panic when I am with her, and I have the chance, I just either talk a mile a minute, messing up words and acting like an idiot, or I don't say anything, just silent and listening, drinking in the girl talk. I am also afraid to call cause she is always so busy, I don't want to interupt anything important, and I have no clue about her schedual. I am out of the loop in her life, and I know it is no ones fault, she lives so far away, and we lead such different lives...but I can't help but miss her.
I worry about Elizabeth, I haven't had any contact, or information on her since I worked at Stein Mart, a LONG time ago. I don't know if her mom died from her sudden cancer, if she married the dude next door to the funeral home, if she is still working there, if she is even in Ga anymore...how her brother is doing in Florida, if he is even there still...if she is even alive...I wonder is Mimi died, or if she is still living in the downstairs pad of Aunt Shirls...if they still live there...How Chelsea is doing...so many questions I have no way of answering...
I wonder how Laura is doing, if she is still the same hyper conservative Lo I used to know. Or has she turned into a slut, like she was on the way too. I wonder if she still has that sweet smile, and the infectious laugh, I wonder if she is still chasing after Josh...or if he is married now...if he is still with Rachel...I wonder if Lo is still at West Ga, living in the dorms...or is she on her own, has she given into the call to drink? Does she have a boyfriend? I want to know so much...I miss her hugs, and dancing in our cars and having people stare at us, I miss chasing her through Target, or just shopping with her...I miss her...
God, why do you take so many things away, without providing others? I feel so alone...with only Justin as a link to the outside world...
What will happen if Justin and I break it off? I know at this moment, I don't believe that he is the one for me to marry, what will happen if the moment comes and I still say no? Will he still be my best friend? I know it will be so painful for him, that I don't know if I could even ask it of him...but I would be so lost without his friendship...I don't have anyone else...
I want to cry...but no tears come...I wonder why...
All the problems that Justin is facing also, plus my own, is making things difficult to bare. I feel bad for him, and guilty for his situation, and not agreeing with some of his decisions, but still trying to be supportive because it is what he wants, and honestly believes will be best. And he's always right...(cough, cough)
I hate not knowing what is going on with Jason, I miss my twin...although I am so afraid that we are so different now, that that enderment is way off. I am afraid to call him, because he is always wanting to be alone, or he is off with his Rocky and Theater, and everyone else that I am not associated with. I am worried about him, and wish I could be there for him to just cry on, or pick him up, I just want to help him feel better. But I know I can't cause I am so out of the loop that I don't even know where I would begin. It makes me
want to cry.
I miss Mary terribly still...it is like a constant ache in my heart. Even though I know she wants nothing to do with me, I still want her there, I still want to hear her beautiful laugh, and see the twinkle in her shocking blue eyes. I have no clue where she is, if she's alive, if she is alright. It tears me up inside to know that I mean nothing to her. She was my best friend, I cared so much about her, and I still do. I just want her to be happy...I wish I could know if she was happy...
I cherish every moment that I am able to spend with Justine...she is my only female friend still, and I rarely am able to talk to her. Partly because I don't have a clue what I would say. I am so lost as to what girls gossip about anymore. I panic when I am with her, and I have the chance, I just either talk a mile a minute, messing up words and acting like an idiot, or I don't say anything, just silent and listening, drinking in the girl talk. I am also afraid to call cause she is always so busy, I don't want to interupt anything important, and I have no clue about her schedual. I am out of the loop in her life, and I know it is no ones fault, she lives so far away, and we lead such different lives...but I can't help but miss her.
I worry about Elizabeth, I haven't had any contact, or information on her since I worked at Stein Mart, a LONG time ago. I don't know if her mom died from her sudden cancer, if she married the dude next door to the funeral home, if she is still working there, if she is even in Ga anymore...how her brother is doing in Florida, if he is even there still...if she is even alive...I wonder is Mimi died, or if she is still living in the downstairs pad of Aunt Shirls...if they still live there...How Chelsea is doing...so many questions I have no way of answering...
I wonder how Laura is doing, if she is still the same hyper conservative Lo I used to know. Or has she turned into a slut, like she was on the way too. I wonder if she still has that sweet smile, and the infectious laugh, I wonder if she is still chasing after Josh...or if he is married now...if he is still with Rachel...I wonder if Lo is still at West Ga, living in the dorms...or is she on her own, has she given into the call to drink? Does she have a boyfriend? I want to know so much...I miss her hugs, and dancing in our cars and having people stare at us, I miss chasing her through Target, or just shopping with her...I miss her...
God, why do you take so many things away, without providing others? I feel so alone...with only Justin as a link to the outside world...
What will happen if Justin and I break it off? I know at this moment, I don't believe that he is the one for me to marry, what will happen if the moment comes and I still say no? Will he still be my best friend? I know it will be so painful for him, that I don't know if I could even ask it of him...but I would be so lost without his friendship...I don't have anyone else...
I want to cry...but no tears come...I wonder why...