Can I kill all the men in the World?
chris decided to read my last journal entry? can anyone say I predicted that this month month would be shit? Because it looks that way more and more with everywhispy cold burst of air and day passing towards chrstmas. I mean come on? why christmas time? I hate fucking December! And i hate the people who have made me hate this month so much beause it happened to be my favorite (sorry- so venting there). I What the fuck!!!! i just want to scream every second of every hour of every day of this entire month to block out all the ignorant remarks and dumb songs of joy until its over and done with!!!!!!!!!!!!! (am i showing too much anger for the kids? oops! oh well they can FUCKING DEAL!!!) Of course that journal didn't mean I was still in love with Philip! I mean come on me and philip we deffinately had our chance and times were great and times were shit too! it was along time- we started over in December and decided not to count all the countless times before and just say we started dating in december and the 8 months came from there- but there was more before that...it's not like i can just forget eveything and stop telling all the stories that envolve him in them- so what i have to forget everything like it never happened? I mean JEZZZ- I like memories- it doesn't mean I still madly in love or something! DAMN IT! Why is it that even when I am writing this I can't expalin it.... but I can talk to krystal for like 2 seconds and she knows EXACTLY what I mean? WHY CAN NO ONE ELSE? WHY DO I EVEN CARE?! I shouldn't have to explain what I'm feeling and give a analysis about why.... can't i just feel how i wan without have to defend myself? I LOVE CHRIS.. he's great. I wish he could understand me though. I wish he get it. Maybe krystal gets it mroe because she was there for the whole thing- from the beginng or the end. and what Isaid in my last journal about being afraid i was going to push chris away by being distant- well i don't need to help- but just having emotions I may do the same.
always,
Saturnine
Chris:
I can't explain anything so don't ask. Just leave it alone, and know that I love you. Just trust me, if you can't do that, then I have nothing more to say.
I'm done explaining myself, and I know it may seem like I'm angry in this letter- well i am, but not at you. I just feel frustrated because the past seems to repeat itself no matter what I do to change it. Call me when you feel like it.
-love, christina
always,
Saturnine
Chris:
I can't explain anything so don't ask. Just leave it alone, and know that I love you. Just trust me, if you can't do that, then I have nothing more to say.
I'm done explaining myself, and I know it may seem like I'm angry in this letter- well i am, but not at you. I just feel frustrated because the past seems to repeat itself no matter what I do to change it. Call me when you feel like it.
-love, christina