Hope for the future...
Tuesday night weird stuff happened. First I went to bed late talking to Steffy, and it was a little disturbing because we started talking about profound topics where you get a glimpse of the real and very weird and extremist me. She got a little freaked out and I felt bad. Anyhow, that night I had an incredibly disturbing dream, which has frustrated me above and beyond. Steve had not haunted my mind for a very long time, I barely thought about him anymore and I really thought I was over the boy. He ussually chased me in my dreams, but I hadn't dreamt about him in a long time. I felt happy and free from regret. Then WHAM, one night for no good reason and I end up dreaming with the damn boy! And just not any dream, but a dream in which he's with his girlfriend and he tells me that he just realized that for the last 13 months he's been madly in love with me. So he leaves his girlfriend and comes back to me, and I don't even think twice before recieving him with open arms. I felt such happiness and love I haven't felt in a very LOOONG time. When I wake up, I realize I didn't want to, I wanted to go on dreaming, be with him, kiss him and all that jazz. WHAT THE HELL! I thought I was over the damn boy! Apparently not. Anyhow, that dream made me crazy for the day. I got all melancholic, missed Steve and started regreting my past again. Shit! I was so pissed at myself. I had told God to please get him off my mind if it was not meant to be. If I'm not forgetting him, can it mean maybe some day he'll come back? What about that whole 13 months thing? Could it be a sign? Weird thing is, that we were together for 14 months, and we've been apart for almost 2 years, 23 months, so that's not it, and he hasn't been a year yet with his current girlfriend, so, can it be that they are only going to last for 13 months, and then he'll come looking for me? Yeah, this is what I do...I always think way to much and take my dreams to seriously. But hey, my dreams have predicted the future in the past.
Anyhow, that thought had my mind occupied most of the day. On top of that, I was a discussion with Beaky that put even more things on my mind, and I really hope we can work things out because the situation is really starting to seriously worry me. That day I woke up so disturbed because of the dream that I stayed on my bed chatting on internet from 11-3:30, I had no breakfast or lunch. Then I got out of bed, got ready bought some food at Wendy's and went to leave my brother at my aunt's so I could afterwords go to Steffy's. We were going to see a play, Stefi, Arelis, Ivan, Felix and me. Yet at the last minute, Felix tells me that he doesn't know if he can go because he's at Kmart buying stuff, but that Eric was going. Yet I was worried because I had no idea where the play was and Felix was going to show me, so he told me to call him when I got there and he would explain how to get there. We picked up Eric who left his car in front of the guys apartment and we went looking for the theatre and got really lost. I called Felix and he just kept telling me to towards la Central when I don't know where it is. I was in such I foul mood I snapped at him (sorry about that sweetie) and just passed the phone. Eventually we found it on our own, and we were able to see the play, even though the asshole of the parking kept telling us we had not paid when we had, and I was already so pissed off I was getting ready to kickbox his ass. The play was TheatreSport, and it had been a lot better the first time I saw it, but it was still good. The actors weren't as good as the first time, and I found the performance shorter.
After the play we were all hungry, and Arelis was like "Oh, I want to go to Cherry Blossom before I go" and how could I resist the temptation of going to my favorite restaurant. That was so AWESOME! Eric and Steffi tried sushi for the very first time, and they actually liked it! It was weird because the one that everyone likes Steffi hated, she said it tasted like a baloon and almost gagged. Arelis has lots of pictures of these events! Nevertheless, the actual raw one that Eric and Arelis didn't like, Stefanie did like! She was weird. We ate fried ice cream and we went back. We dropped Eric off at the apartment and we fooled around with the guys for a short while. We saw Felix's edited birthday video and me and the guys showed Arelis and Steffi our little "mojon" song. When we were going back to Steffi's, it started raining like hell. I thought my car was going to die on me, but thankfully we got there safely. It was pouring and there was quite al electric storm, so Arelis decided to not risk going home in that and also stayed at Steffi's. Eric called me when he got home and Steffy and Arelis had a blast making fun of our conversation. sigh. When we went to bed I was talking to Arelis about my love life and she fell asleep on me, but oh well, guess my love life will put anyone to sleep.
This morning I wake up and Steffi had made un some French Toast. Afterwords we talked and saw Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It was cool, but it made us all hungry, so we went to Plaza. I ended up going into Gap and wasted way too much money and then we went to Sizzler and I ate way too much. I was going to explode. After eating we bumped into some dudes the girls knew, oh and I bumped into Federico and his girlfriend. Then we met up with Vanessa and left, because it was late and I had to go pick up my brother at my aunt's. When I got to Steffi's I got my car and left, picked up my brother and came back home. I got here like at 9. So here I am, exhausted, and I have to study for japanese and go to sleep early because I have class tomorrow.
As for my mood, thanks to all the hanging out I feel a lot better. Yet I feel a little sad and worried because of the situation going on with some of my friends and melancholic because of Steve. sigh. I really don't know what to do about him anymore, should I just let myself go and not force myself to anything and wait to see what happens or should I really try my best to forget him? I'm tired of forcing my heart intro restraining it's feelings, and I really don't want my heart to turn to stone again. So I guess I'll continue day dreaming until he leaves my heart quietly in the night, someone takes his place, or he comes back. Whichever, I don't really mind. I just want peace of mind and heart. I'm going to put everything into God's hands and hope for the best.
Anyhow, that thought had my mind occupied most of the day. On top of that, I was a discussion with Beaky that put even more things on my mind, and I really hope we can work things out because the situation is really starting to seriously worry me. That day I woke up so disturbed because of the dream that I stayed on my bed chatting on internet from 11-3:30, I had no breakfast or lunch. Then I got out of bed, got ready bought some food at Wendy's and went to leave my brother at my aunt's so I could afterwords go to Steffy's. We were going to see a play, Stefi, Arelis, Ivan, Felix and me. Yet at the last minute, Felix tells me that he doesn't know if he can go because he's at Kmart buying stuff, but that Eric was going. Yet I was worried because I had no idea where the play was and Felix was going to show me, so he told me to call him when I got there and he would explain how to get there. We picked up Eric who left his car in front of the guys apartment and we went looking for the theatre and got really lost. I called Felix and he just kept telling me to towards la Central when I don't know where it is. I was in such I foul mood I snapped at him (sorry about that sweetie) and just passed the phone. Eventually we found it on our own, and we were able to see the play, even though the asshole of the parking kept telling us we had not paid when we had, and I was already so pissed off I was getting ready to kickbox his ass. The play was TheatreSport, and it had been a lot better the first time I saw it, but it was still good. The actors weren't as good as the first time, and I found the performance shorter.
After the play we were all hungry, and Arelis was like "Oh, I want to go to Cherry Blossom before I go" and how could I resist the temptation of going to my favorite restaurant. That was so AWESOME! Eric and Steffi tried sushi for the very first time, and they actually liked it! It was weird because the one that everyone likes Steffi hated, she said it tasted like a baloon and almost gagged. Arelis has lots of pictures of these events! Nevertheless, the actual raw one that Eric and Arelis didn't like, Stefanie did like! She was weird. We ate fried ice cream and we went back. We dropped Eric off at the apartment and we fooled around with the guys for a short while. We saw Felix's edited birthday video and me and the guys showed Arelis and Steffi our little "mojon" song. When we were going back to Steffi's, it started raining like hell. I thought my car was going to die on me, but thankfully we got there safely. It was pouring and there was quite al electric storm, so Arelis decided to not risk going home in that and also stayed at Steffi's. Eric called me when he got home and Steffy and Arelis had a blast making fun of our conversation. sigh. When we went to bed I was talking to Arelis about my love life and she fell asleep on me, but oh well, guess my love life will put anyone to sleep.
This morning I wake up and Steffi had made un some French Toast. Afterwords we talked and saw Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It was cool, but it made us all hungry, so we went to Plaza. I ended up going into Gap and wasted way too much money and then we went to Sizzler and I ate way too much. I was going to explode. After eating we bumped into some dudes the girls knew, oh and I bumped into Federico and his girlfriend. Then we met up with Vanessa and left, because it was late and I had to go pick up my brother at my aunt's. When I got to Steffi's I got my car and left, picked up my brother and came back home. I got here like at 9. So here I am, exhausted, and I have to study for japanese and go to sleep early because I have class tomorrow.
As for my mood, thanks to all the hanging out I feel a lot better. Yet I feel a little sad and worried because of the situation going on with some of my friends and melancholic because of Steve. sigh. I really don't know what to do about him anymore, should I just let myself go and not force myself to anything and wait to see what happens or should I really try my best to forget him? I'm tired of forcing my heart intro restraining it's feelings, and I really don't want my heart to turn to stone again. So I guess I'll continue day dreaming until he leaves my heart quietly in the night, someone takes his place, or he comes back. Whichever, I don't really mind. I just want peace of mind and heart. I'm going to put everything into God's hands and hope for the best.